A little over 2 years ago I had the worse experience I thought anyone could go through. I came home to find my 16 year old seal point Himalayan, Baxter, with blood comming from his nose and having great difficulty breathing. In 2 seconds I had him in his carrier and in the car headed for the vet. When they were able to get him stable the doctor called me in. The news was not good he was suffering from genetic defect. I could take him home a vegtable needing 24 hour care or put him to sleep. Of course these options were not acceptable to me. Our vet took me aside and we talked about quality of life and what is was about. Yes, I had to do the most horrible thing one could ever do to a loved one, say good-bye. That night I cried until I fell asleep. While asleep I had a dream where Baxter was able to tell me it was ok and that he had been ready to go. I woke up and cried until dawn.

For the last 2 years when I would think of Baxter my eyes would always tear up, yet talking about him is somthing I enjoy (he's really a unique personality).

Baxter has a brother, Brizbain, a blue point Himalayan, they are of the same litter.

Two weeks and one day ago I again had to do a horrible thing.

My little guy, Brizbain, is a little over 18 years old. His little body wasn't able to keep him going any longer. For the past 6 months his kidneys were showing signs of his age. Yet he still greeted me at the door, woke me up each morning at the correct time (I never needed a clock), and played chase (a game he dearly loved). Even when his body was deserting him he still struggled to greet me and wake me up. When he could no longer get up on the bed I put the mattress on the floor so he could sleep next to me as usual. During his last days he almost could not walk, he showed interest in food but after one bite he would stop eating. Yet still he made every effort to greet me at the door.

After 4 visits to the vet hospital and one stay over night it became painfully clear that medical science could do nothing for him. At this time I felt he was suffering far to greatly and took him to the vet to end his suffering. It was tearing my heart out to watch my baby struggle to walk and not eat. I thought I was ready to say good-bye. On the way from the car to the vets office while carring Brizbain my legs almost bukled under me. My legs almost didn't get me to the door. As the vet was looking Brizbain over, Brizzie looked into my eyes and at that moment I told the doctor that now is not the time.

That night I held and kissed my baby and told him at least 10,000 times I love him. Oh, he was really sick. I stayed up most of the night, maybe I got 1 or 2 hours sleep. Come sunrise I knew my baby was suffering far to much. I had made up my mind that my babie's time had come. I stayed home from work that day and brushed him (he loved to be brushed) and again told him many times I love him. That afternoon I took him to the vet. Before I had always told him we would be going home right after his vet visit. This time I could not.

I held his head while the doctor gave him his last shot (he hated shots) while I told him I love him. I stayed about ten minutes petting him and thinking about our time shared with each other.

I just got home from the vet about an hour ago, I picked up Brizbains ashes. This time I told him we're going home.

I often pray that Brizbain and his brother Baxter are together again and able to enjoy their favorite game, chase me. I deeply love my little boys and to say I miss them would not come close. I also pray that their memory never fads for me. To help with this I wrote down things that they would do and also I wrote down all of the nick-names or pet names I had for them. So far I have 2 very full pages of nick-names and 6 pages of memories.

I dearly love my 2 little round rowdies and the sadness I am facing is very great and very dark right now. I know they can not come home but I also know we WILL be together again because we have a game of chase to finish.

Brizbain and Baxter born Aug. 30, 1985
Baxter passed on Dec. 03, 2001
Brizbain passed on Mar. 19, 2004

To Brizbain's and Baxter's Dad,
My heart goes out to you!!!! What a wonderful, loving Dad you were (and are)!
I believe without a doubt that Baxter and Brizbain are together . I really do. And that they're in complete bliss--like a dream that's really really pleasant and we have no concept of time or space, like something beyond this world. That's what they're experiencing. And you WILL be reunited!
Most of Brizbain's medical symptoms I could relate to. My Little Girl was almost 17 when I had to put her to rest on March 24... ..I related to everything you said.
Stay in touch. Remember that Brizbain and Baxter are fine and that they want you to be fine. They know your soul is still being housed in your physical body and that you have a life to live (and they want it to be a good one) before it's your time to pass on.
Love and understanding,
Little Girl's Mommy, Kathy

I am sure (without question) that your beautiful Brizbain & Baxter are together again.

And yes, all three of you will be together one day -- for right now, Brizbain & Baxter are playing & having fun together and with all the other furbabies who have gone on before them..
There is no pain over Rainbow's Bridge, they both have brand new "whole" bodies and they can run & jump like you always remember that they did.

You did not do a horrible thing 2 weeks ago.... Your beautiful Brizbain was suffering,
wasn't well... You did for him what he could not do himself.
You helped him to pass on from this life to the next.......
And, you know, I am very sure he thanks you with all of his beautiful heart!!!

After we had to put our Ernestine to sleep, some very wise person on this site said
to me, "You took on your Ernestine's pain, so that she could be without pain.."

That is exactly what you did!!! It is very painful, but it really is the most loving
thing you could have done for your Brizbain.

I love what you did with writing all of their nicknames & memories that you have of
your precious furfamily.... that's a wonderful idea!!

I hope that each day you feel a little bit better...

Peace & Love,
Denise (Lucy & Yo-Yo)......

Dear Brizbain's Dad,
I am sorry for you loss of your two beautiful cats. Going through that once is bad enough, twice is awful.
I lost Mittens in November to empasema and her sister Spunky is still with us. I try not to think about losing her too. Shortly after we put Mittens to sleep, I was constantly watching Spunky. I was so afraid that the same thing was going to happen to her. I kept thinking that she was going to get sick to and have to be put down. I have managed to put it out of my mind for the time being. I couldn't even look at the vet's office if I drove by it.
It is not an easy thing, but time helps a bit. The grief is still there, but I don't cry quite so much anymore, except today. An most times when I come here.
Hugs to all.
Brizbain and Baxter are playing happily with my Mittens at Rainbow Ridge.
love, Janice