I'm new here. I hope I'm doing this correctly.
I've lost other pets and have grieved, and still grieve for them. But on January 10th I lost Leo. I can hardly write those words. I can't believe he's gone.
I haven't been out of my house since I buried him. I can't, and won't, talk to anyone about how I feel and after I write these words, I'll never mention this again, but, I feel so much pain, so much pain.
Leo was an English bulldog. He would have been ten years old today. He meant more to me than anything. We were inseparable. From the day he came to live with me, we were together. I'm having a very hard time living without him. Time will not make things easier, it will make it worse. Each day I am without him becomes more and more unbearable. I dread each new day and the torture of remembering that he won't be there. Time goes so slowly. I know that without Leo, I'll never be happy again.
It's very hard for me to live without him and I wait for the day that we'll be together again.

Leosmom,
Believe it or not, your feelings of such intensity are not foreign here at LS. I, too, couldn't stand the thought of each new day without my girl, and I must admit, even after more than 19 months without her, there are still days I can hardly function. I had thoughts of suicide just so I could be with her again, thankfully I had other furbabies and family here on earth (as miserable as it is) that relied on me, so I quickly washed those thoughts out of my mind. I still miss her terribly, and each day she is in my thoughts, but believe me when I say that you will learn how to deal with each day without her. When I first came to this site, people told me "it will get better". I thought that there was no way it could ever get better for me and that they must not have had the same connection I had with my 'soulpuppy'. Well, turns out that things have gotten 'better', at least better in the sense that I still hurt like crazy for her and would do anything if it meant I could have her back, happy and healthy, but that constant stabbing pain has become less intense, and I can smile through the tears when my family brings up a funny story about her, etc.. I guess I have accepted the fact that she has gone on to a place that she so deserves to be, and I will meet her there when my time comes. Your Leo is at such a wonderful place (I know Rainbow Bridge sounds kinda cliche', but I know my girl is there (in heaven) waiting for me), and as much as you love him, you should be comforted by the fact that he is surrounded by a feeling of love and security right now that we can only imagine. I know that you feel like you will never be happy again, but it isn't true. Your life has definately been changed forever, and happiness may never be the same for you, but it will come again in time. Please don't keep yourself from talking about Leo. He was obviously such a wonderful soul, and I know I can speak for all of us here at LS when I say we would love to hear more about him. Come here and talk about him as much as you would like, we are always here for you. Your Leo's spirit is always with you and he is helping you through this journey of grief. It's a long, hard road (believe me, I know) but it is one that becomes less bumpy. Give yourself whatever time you need and shed as many tears as you need to get yourself through it...and remember...you always have us when you need to talk.
Your friend in grief,
Kim

I also feel like I can't face living without my baby. I've had other pets over the years as well, but none were as close or meant as much to me as her.

Just take it one day at a time. It'll feel like your living your life as a zombie aimlessly wandering around doing your daily things but at least it's something.

I cannot tell you how long this will effect you as I'm barely functioning myself. Please take notice that there are lots of us here just like you, and perhaps we can draw strength from each other some how. Keep posting and communicating here, I still cannot speak about my baby but typing is alot easier.


To Kim, I also have thoughts of suicide just so I can be with her again. I have no other fur babies to help me though. Any advice?

leosmom, I read this in a pet loss book and perhaps these words will help you:

"Your animal companion is not just with you in this life time. He is with you for all of eternity. He chose, unselfishly, to come into this life spacifically to spend time with you and will be patiently waiting for you."

Natla,
The thought of anyone else having to experience the unimaginable level of pain I went through is hard to wrap my mind around. I have lost my grandparents, a father-in-law (of whom had been like a second father to me for almost 15 years), and just 2 weeks ago, my uncle passed from liver failure, and yet the one I mourn for is still my Sasha. It is hard to put into words how much they mean to us isn't it. It is impossible for us to find that kind of love in a human. I love my husband dearly, and we have been together since I was in the 11th grade( I'm now 31)! The depth of understanding, knowing just what the other is thinking without saying a word, is truly a blessing in our furbabies, and something that can never be replaced. I, too, have lost other pets in my life (although they were more family pets) and niether of them have ever come close to the pain caused by losing my Sasha, my true soul mate. I have another dog, my great dane, Zada, and I love her dearly, but she will never be a 'Sasha"~nor do I want her to be. My relationship with Zada is very special in itself and it is based on her own unique personality. I know that I will never have another love in my life like Sasha, but on the bright side, if I can survive losing her, the rest of my life is a cakewalk !Ironically, Zada was a gift from my parents 5 years ago, when Sasha was almost 13, because my parents were afraid that Sasha wouldn't be around much longer(HA!! ) and knew I would go crazy when she died(which I have anyway !). They were afraid if I didn't already have another dog when Sasha died, that I wouldn't ever get another one. Truth be told, I would have. I could never live without the love of a furbaby in my life, but I understand that this is a personal feeling and we are all different in how we view these things. I read your reply on another thread about how you could never get another kitty to love because your spirit kitty would be angry.....I hope you reconsider this and realize what an injustice you do to your sweet babies memory when you think that way. If you don't want any more furkids, that is fine, but please don't make this decision based on such feelings. The greatest thing in the world you can do (when you are emotionally ready, of course) to honor the unconditional love that you were taught by your kitty is to pass that on to another that so desperately depends on us to save its life. I understand that this is simply my opinion, but if I were to never love another after Sasha, I would feel as though she died in vein. That everything she ever taught me about selfless love would be shattered. Obviously I think that everyone who loves animals to the degree that we do should always try to bring another furry into their lives. There are far to many dying in shelters and all they want is to be loved...so sad. I guess you can see that my first recommendation to ease any self destructive thoughts would be to adopt another furry in need (did I mention that all they want is to be loved ), but if you absolutely can't bring yourself to do this, then just pray for direction. I am a devoted christian, and the main reason suicide is the worst possible thing you can do is that you will rob yourself of eternity with your furbaby. I would much rather spend a few years being miserable knowing that I will spend eternity with her, then to do something stupid and spend eternity without her.........
Your friend in grief,
Kim