What a horrible year it has been so far!

January 30, I had to put our cat Rose down because she went into liver & kidney failure suddenly.

Yesterday, our little Carin Terrier Ally, had to be put down. She started getting allergies 2 years ago and they grew worse and worse. She was allergic food and flea bites. We couldn't keep her in the house anymore because she would eat the food off the floor or get into the garbage. That would set her allergies off. She lost a lot of fur and kept biting herself and her skin was awful. We'd get it under control with antiobiotics and cortisone but when she'd come into something she was allergic to, she'd relaspe. Our doctor told us she'd always be like that. After two years, we decided it was time to end her suffering. We couldn't afford to bring her in every month and go through this routine constantly. Plus she loved to be in the house with us and couldn't be, unless the floor was very clean and the garbage was out of reach. That's hard to do with two young children eating in the house. We also had a new impossible time trying to find dog food that she could eat. We finally found Nutro which helped for a time. I had to feed her chicken most of the time.

I feel incredibly guilty right now. We just lost our beloved cat and now my daughter's dog had to be put down. My daughter was so upset with me last night. I feel like dr. death. Part of me wishes I just sucked the vet bill up and kept on taking her in for her shots and medicines every few weeks. And then I realize that wouldn't of been fair to the rest of the family since we can't afford that extra expediture. We have other pets as well. My daughter doesn't understand the money part of it. She knows how awful Ally got and how much she tore and bit at herself, but she still wants her alive and here. I hope I did the right thing.

Too make matters worse, we took our 4 month old kitten in yesterday for his shots. He's feeling bad and just wants to sleep. He won't eat or drink anything. I've never had any of our other pets react this way to the shots before. I don't know what to watch for. I'll call the vet by 4pm today, if he still hasn't ate or drank.

Mara Jade,

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this with your cat and dog. I know how traumatic it must be for you right now. But as you said, and know in your heart, you did the right things. As owner you have to weigh everything against each other. And certaintly one is quality of life. I can't imagine she was happy with the vet visits all the time, the shots and having to eat certain foods. And it sounds like it was getting worse. Plus the fact that you couldn't even keep her in the house.
As you said, you're daughter is making you feel guilty, but don't let her. She doesn't undertand the economics of owning a pet and she may not have realised just how bad the allergies were and how it was affected the dog. As one who has severe allergies I can sympathise how miserable one can be!
Give youself some time to absorb all of this and know at some point you will feel better. I'm saying a prayer for you kitten and hope he does ok. Keep us posted on him.
Meanwhile take care of yourself, and try not to let guilt take over your emotions.

You do know that there are rescue groups out there that would have given her the required treatments and found her a home!

Also there is a great place called Imom, where you can get sponcers for your pet who needs medical help when you cant afford it.

I don't understand why people get pets who cant afford to take care of them in the long run, but then you ended up having the money to take your kitten in?!

I am very sorry for your losses, especially the most recent one.

It is clear to me (because I deal with a lot of people handling guilt) that you are indeed feeling guilty. I think it is a combination of your own emotions and your daughters reaction to the decision you made. Clearly, because you write at length about the way you feel, it is more the former than the latter.

This is only my opinion, and as such, you can assign it the appropriate weight you feel it deserves, but I think you need to come to grips with your motivation. To me it seems pretty clear that you took this action largely to spare her the misery she was enduring. Of course, it was also a relief to you as well, but it does not seem to be as important as her health and well-being.

If I am right, then you should not be second-guessing yourself now. I think you need to frame your emotions properly - I have written an article that I think would help you - I will try to attach it here, but I am really inept at computer stuff, so if it doesn't come through, please contact me (I do know how to attach it to e-mail).

May God bless you as you deal with the difficult emtions of this loss and the strain with your daughter.

I guess its easy for you to say that, because you didn't see Ally or know how bad her allergies were. She was miserable. She was allergic to many things inside the home and out.

Yes, perhaps she could of found a home, although the vet didn't think so. Even with the medications, the vet said she would NEVER be normal. She would ALWAYS have to deal with relapses.

So I had to weigh things out, not just the money. But her quality of life.

How fair is it to shove antiobiotics down her throat 2x a day (which she hated), give her a cortisone/medicated bath 1x a week, and take her for shots every 3-4 weeks (or more)? Even doing those things, it didn't heal her skin completely. The moment she came in contact with something she was allergic to, she had a complete relapse. How fair is that to her? Was she enjoying her life? One flea bite sent her system reeling, as did ALL table scraps, and 99% of the dog food on the market. It took her a whole week for her body to recover from it.

I didn't make this decision hastily. It was so hard.

We took a kitten in because we lost our Rosie 4 weeks ago due to liver disease. My family was devasted by her loss. The kitten has helped my children with their grief.

I do take care of my animals. I spent a lot of money trying to save Rose. And I spent a lot of money trying to care for Ally. My other animals are up to date on shots and healthy. I resent your implying that I don't care for the animals I own and that I jumped at putting my baby down for the sake of money alone. You have no idea how hard it was to do what I did. And you have no idea of how bad her allergies were and how much she was suffering because of them. And your reply was cruel at best. If I didn't feel guilty enough before, you had to say what you did, and make things worse. This is a board for those hurting because of their loss. It's not a board to throw salt on one's wound and make them feel worse. I really am shocked at your lack of empathy or compassion. Please don't reply back if all you want to do is attack and hurt me further.

Petlossauthor and Phinny1,

Thanks for your kind words. I'm trying not to feel guilty, but its very hard not to. Everyone around me who knows Ally and the situation, say I did the right thing. My mom, who is a bigger animal lover, than I, told me to do it last month. But I kept putting it off. I kept hoping things would get better. But knowing flea season was lurking around the corner, and how allergic she was, I knew I had to do something. Last summer, I bought the vet's flea drops, which is supposed to be the best out. It worked for a week at best and then the fleas were crawling all over her. I couldn't put her through another painful season of that, especially since she had all those food allergies. She was so loving, and such a good baby but I knew she was suffering. She wasn't comfortable at all. I feel guilty because I keep thinking I should of/could of done more. But then I realize, there was nothing more I could of done. I did the best I could. And it got to the point of how much more money and time am I willing to throw at this, if she's never getting better? She only got worse and worse. It began with one allergy, then two. I believe it grew to more than that because of how severe it got.

Thank you for the article. I haven't read it yet, but I will.

Dear Marajade,

I agree with you. I don't understand "doglover"s comments either.

On behalf of the rest of us, let us reassure you that we agree that you did the ony humane thing you could. It wasn't fair that your dog had to endure the hardship of living with her allergies that obviously caused her excruciating discomfort day after day.

It is obvious by your original post that you did everything you could possibly do for Rose, and while the guilt of putting her down will remain with you for a while, you ended a lifetime of discomfort. Rose is in a better place now, free of allergies, running and playing, and happy.

It is one week ago today, that we put our Kemo down due to epileptic seizures, and the guilt we go through is tremendous, because we keep thinking and wondering if there was ANYTHING more we could have done to keep her with us without having her suffer anymore. The answer was no.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. It is obvious that you are going through a lot of pain right now. If a pet owner truly didn't care, they certainly wouldn't be taking the time to post in this forum. And we know that you do care, very much.

God Bless You, and keep you safe.

Darrell

Woops, sorry, I meant "Ally", not Rose.

Dear Mara Jade
I am so sorry that you lost your Ally. Making the decision must have been very hard but you know in your heart that it was the kindest thing to do. Why should we allow our friends to suffer. Its 6 days since I lost my German Shephard Sasha and the tears are flowing again now reading this. Im sorry there is nothing to say that will make you feel better just remember that we are here to help you through this. The support I have had over the last few days has been amazing.
Your daughter will understand one day.

God bless
Tracy

Dear Mara Jade

First I want to say Doglovers comment was heartless at best! Now I am a pet groomer I have seen this in many Westies from minor to very bad skin conditions. And when I say bad it is miserable for the dog. Unless someone has seen, dealt with this they have no clue. I have seen people fight it for years the dog is NOT comfortable ever! As much as I love my dogs and trust me it would shatter me to make the decision you made but it was the kindness one you could have made. I don't believe for one minute you did it over money you did it for HER you made a right choice. Now I could get into alot of breeding talk but maybe this is not the place I get very angry at the mills and such because the over breeding are the underlying problems these young dogs have and we the moms and dads and young children of these pets suffer so much along with the pet.

I am sorry you had to do such a hard thing I KNOW what this skin problems are like and please know it's ok!

Tillie

Darrell, Tracey, and Tilly,

Thank you for your kind words. They meant so much to me! It's starting to finally sink in that I did do the right thing, although its so painful.

I took our kitten to the vet yesterday because he was so ill from his shots. He reminded me so much of our cat Rose who was put down in January from Liver disease. He was lethargic and not eating and drinking like her. The vet's office put us in the same room that Rose had died in and our kitten just slept in my arms the whole time. He was to tired and weak to really move. I kept thinking he's gonna die like her and my nerves were frazzled (we had Ally put down the day before as well). I didn't want to lose another one. Well, they gave him some i.v. fluids and a shot of a steriod. Two hours later he was up walking around and ate and drank! By bedtime he was his frisky, playful self again! Today he's been fine praise God! I am so relieved and thankful and happy that's he healthy again.