It will be a week tomorrow that we had to put Kasey down. He was a 115# lab mix. He was only 7 1/2 years old.

He was completely normal up until last Wed morning, when I notice he was kind of gagging and I thought he was throwing up. But he wasn't so I really didn't think anything about it. I did notice he did not eat that morning, which was very abnormal. But I had to get my kids to day care and myself to work. I thought he must have an upset stomach, so I said goodbye I love you, and left.

Long story short, I had to take him to the emergency vet Wed night and found out he was dying, either from a fungus or cancer in his lungs. I had hoped that anti-biotics could clear up the infection, so he could get comfortable and we could have him home to die. He did not have a good night. Very labored breathing, so I took him to his vet Thurs am. She didn't think he'd make it more than a couple days. I did as her to put him on in anti-biotics and pain meds, in hope we could still take him home. However, his breathing continued to be labored, so I made the hardest decesion of my life and decided to put him down that afternoon and not have him suffer any longer. He was too special to me to see that, even though I wasn't ready to let go. So at 3pm my hubbie and I spent the last 30 minutes of his life with him, held him while he died and kissed him goodbye. God, it was awful. I hope we were some comfort to him as he was so many times to me.

I can't get the sight of him dying out of my mind. As he let go and went, he breathed one last time and blood flowed from his mouth and nose. I was quite upset. Turns out his lungs were filling up with blood, so if we had taken him home, he would of suffocated on it. I'm glad I spared him that. BUt I keep thinking, if they had known it was blood, maybe they could of drained it and then figured out what was really wrong. I know it would not of mattered but my guilt is great. I had twins 14 months ago, and have not had the time to spend with him like I use to. He was happiest when he was with me and be petted. I know he loved me and I loved him. I hope he died feeling it.

Sorry this is so long, but I miss him sooooooo much. Tomorrow will not be easy.

You poor thing...rest assured you did the right thing in relieving him of the suffering. It would only have gotten worse-you did a very brave and loving thing. You are in pain now but he is free of it.
Today would have been my Zody's 19th birthday. In 2003 I too had to put him to sleep and it has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. He too had cancer-a tumour in his abdomen. I know it would have gotten worse and I know I ended the suffering but it is traumatic - he fought the needle and to this day I still question myself if there wasn't a way I could have let him die naturally on painkillers or something. My gut instinct says I did the right thing but my heart and all the love I had for him still struggles with the whole thing.
I have had strange occurances since his death which lead me to believe his spirit is still near me and I know the love is all still there because it never dies.
I'm lighting a candle for him tonight and sending out a message of love. Maybe you'll do something similiar for your lost furry friend.

Hugs...

Thanks for your support. I'm sorry about your cat. It must have been hard yesterday for you. 3 years is a long time to miss someone. I was hoping that in 3 years I could miss him, but not feel this intense pain I feel right now. Right now, it seems like it will never end. I just want to curl up and cry all day. Wish I could, but I have to get to work. I haven't had time to really grieve for him. Between the kids, work and our other animals, I seem to be constantly on the go. I wish I could just take a day for me to cry for him. Drive to the lake where he loved and walk around remembering him. I wait for the day when the vet calls to tell me I can come pick up his ashes. Maybe then, having him with me will help. I look at pictures and want him back so much. He left me too soon. Our other dog Murphy is missing him too and I'm nervous he will run away again. He ran away twice before Kasey died. The last time was the Tuesday before. I think he knew. I wish he could of let us know.
So many ifs and I wish I hads.

Hi kmom,

So sorry to hear about your loss. You really need to take some self time and let yourself grieve. Maybe when you get his ashes back make that the time to go to the lake by yourself. Let yourself cry, scream, whatever and let it all out. It will take some time to get over him but at least you'll have been able to start the grieving process.

Take care.

Your account of what transpired was very moving to me. I feel so bad for you and the pain you are enduring. I hope I can provide just a bit of encourgement for you. I probably won't say anything you don't already know, but sometimes it is just good to hear it from someone else.

First, I perceive that you are somehow feeling blame for his contracting of this ailment. I know that you know we cannot possibly anticipate things like this. We groom them, bring them to the vet (yesterday I spent $300 on my 3 dogs annual shots and years supply of heartworm pills) - and do everything we can possibly do to take care of them. And still..... There is no blame to be assigned...it is just something that happened. If you had your choice, it would not have happened, but we do not have that kind of control.

Second, the picture of his passing seems to be really bothering you. When I write books or articles, I always quantify what I say with evidence. When I opine, I make sure people know it is my opinion. This is my opinion - but I think you may find some comfort from it -and it is this....animals do not view their passing the way that people do. People have the reconciliation with God question to ponder - because we are not innocent, death hold a fear and mystery and we do not view it as something normal. Animals are different. As innocent creatures with no need for reconcilation, death does not present as a fearful thing or great mystery. Somehow animals, when they are ill or old, know that death is coming and they are prepared for it, as if they know something we do not - or probably more likely, the fear does not come. I am sure your boy was unafraid and aware.

Finally, I can assure you that he is in a better place, and quite possibly he knew that before he departed. I know people say things like that flippantly at times like these - but I assure you, I do not. I know what I say to be true and hope you can find some comfort in that.

God bless.

I appreciate your kind words and insight. Even though, as I type this, I'm sad and miss him - it was a week ago now, that he was put down. The image of that is not so fresh and I've started to remember him in happier times. I've even managed to be mad at him for leaving me. I miss him terribly and can't even imagine having another dog come into my life right now - he can not be replaced.
I don't question he knew his time was coming to an end, I just hope and have prayed he knew how much I loved him and would miss him. I wanted him to know that even though I was unable to spend as much time with him as he would of liked, I loved him all the same. He hated by away from us - me in particular - and now I know how that feels. That is where my guilt lies. I will come to terms with it in time, I did the best for him I could. I believe he loved his life, but sometimes it's good to hear someone say so.