I have never posted anything before so I'm really not sure what I am suppose to do. I am hoping by sharing my feeling I might feel better. Here is my story:

On Thursday night by 5 year old chichuahua, Monte, was feeling bad. He seemed fine when I cam home from work. I let him outside to potty, when he came inside he went to his bed. Which, is not totaly unnormal. He is not a very active dog anyway. By the end of the night he was moaning a little. I noticed he was cold and his stomach was swollen. But he weights only 3 pounds so he is usually cold and sometimes he is constipated. So I called the vet and they recommended watching him and bring him in in the morning. I let him sleep in his kennel so no one would bother him during the ngiht. My husband leaves early in the morning so he got up and checked on him. He came into the bedroom to tell me Monte did not look good. I ran to him and picked him up. He was moving, his eyes were open but he didn't look at me. There was a bloody substance coming from his rectum. I grabbed a towel and we went to the Emergency Vet clinic. When I got there they told me that he had already passed. He's eyes were fixated and he didn't have a heart beat. I stayed with him for a little while and asked they do an autopsy. I wanted to know what had happend. I went home totaly dazed and hysterical. I had to explain to my children what had happend. About an hour later the vet called. She said she went to check him after I had left and he was breathing and had a heart beat. She asked what I wanted to do, I told her do what you have to to keep him alive. I picked up at 7 to take him to our regular vet. They were not sure what was wrong with him but they thought it was some kind gastro inflammation. He had this in the past but he had pulled through but it wasn't this bad. I left him to go home to rest. I was so tired and I thought since he had come back he would be ok. I kept thinking by the end of the day he would be ok. My best friend came over to watch my kids so I could go back to see him. But almost as soon as she showed up the vet called. Monte did not make. Once again I was going through this, twice in one day. I went to him and brought him home. We buried him in our flower bed. I put a pretty little stone for right now, but I plan to do more. I am just not able to right now. I sat with him most of the night with him on Friday. I have noticed that my emotions are mimiced my children (4 and 11) so I am trying to stay strong. It is so hard. I have never experienced a loss like this before. I am emotionaly exhausted. I can't explain my feelings right now...

April

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I understand how hard it is. I don't have my own kids, but I am a teacher, and had to go to work each day and try not to cry in front of my kids. I did share with them how I was feeling, though, and they were increadibly supportive (first graders). They shared their stories about lost pets, and we talked about greif.
There are some wonderful children's books out there that explain in ways I never could what death means. You may even find some comfort in them. Let your kids know how you feel, too. They need to know that the greif they feel is normal, and that it is okay because mom feels it, too. Let yourself be sad, but take care of yourself, too. You've been through a traumatic thing, so don't treat it lightly.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Love,
Brandy, Soshi, George, and Ringo.

You poor thing! I can't believe they told you he was gone and then called you to say he wasn't. Unbelievable! As if losing a beloved member of your family wasn't bad enough but to put you through that twice is unforgiveable. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. When you are ready to talk perhaps you could share your memories of him on the tribute page. It helped me a little when I lost my furry friends. Hugs to you...

April, I am so sorry for your having to go through this pain twice in one day. It is like the miners recently, who were reported alive and then the families found they were not. How cruel life can be sometimes.

I lost my chihuahua Pebbles when she was only 7. It was such a traumatic time for me (and I know I am not alone, that many suffer the way you and I have). But it was especially crushing because she was getting a minor procedure done and it was a success - but she apparently had a heart attack. Here I was in full uniform (I was a Coast Guard Officer then) crying like a baby in the vet's office. So, I can relate to your pain on a personal level, being a chihuahua lover myself.

No one can take away your pain of missing him. But I can assure you that his life did not end, but was merely transferred to a new and better place. I know people say things like this flippantly at times like this, but I assure you, I know this to be true - it is my work and ministry to know what scripture says on this topic. I hope this thought can take some of the edge off of your pain.

God bless.

Thank you to all that have given such healing words. I am doing better today, or right now. I still have not put his things away and I am not sure when I will. It really is comforting to know there are others that feel the same way. Thank you again! I will keep in touch.

April