I fear I am losing it. Our beloved bluetick coonhound Luther was killed 2 months ago just before Christmas and I cannot stop crying! He was only 4 and hit by a car right in front of our house. The vets could not save him. I did get to say good-bye but it was too quick and I am so sad. Friends say we should get another dog, obviously we have so much love for them. But I don't want another dog, Iwant MY puppy back. I know this thought process is getting me nowhere! But I cannot seem to help it. He was a member of our family - and such a cool dog. I know I will never be able to replace him. Maybe just getting things out will help. I hate crying to my husband as I know he misses Luth deeply too. Its very hard to come home to an empty and quiet house. I never realized what ahuge part of our lives he had become (and me, never really a "dog" person growing up until I brought the adorable puppy home as a Christmas gift to my husband. Neither of us could believe how attached I became! I know it takes time but the sadness has not dissipated a bit. Hoping it will help to talk about it with people who understand.

I am so sorry for your loss. No you are not losing it, I know exactly how you feel. Our pets become such a huge part of our lives and are members of our family. When they go, they leave a masive void, a gap..nothing and no-one can fill that.

I totally understand when you say that you do not want another dog. I feel that I could never have another cat, it almost seems disrespectful to my cat, she could never be replaced, and I could never love another the way I loved her.

I hope your pain eases, and that one day you can smile through the tears when you remember your much loved Luther.

Of course you are not losing it ~ I want to say that it is totally normal what you are feeling ~ I have been forever changed by the losses of my pets ~ I am still trying to find my way ~ yet the wind blows in darkened shadows in parts of my heart as I make my way in a world that becomes foreign and somehow out of focus ~ maybe a better way to describe it is one dimensional ~ I do the routine and in some ways I can still be myself but in the deepest part of my soul where the innocent play and joyful spontaneity was ~ I now have a blank spot there ~ its my own personal loss ~ within my heart that can never be as it was ~ and so I am trying to learn to go on in a new but yet forever changed way ~ I miss them so much~ this space I live in is stilted and strange when I am in between the daily living tasks and other social interactions that are automatic ~ if that makes any sense ~ I have not had lots of family around and these guys were how I defined my home and heart ~ Samantha the new arrival is also innocently lost and so very needful of safety having been dropped the shelter by her owners after 8 years ~ her world is also upside down ~ we help each other ~ step by step ~ Its hard ~ I know ~ try to focus on the LOVE part and think about a golden pink cloud surrrounding you all together ~ or a rainbow wind blowing your spirits close ~ or a crystalline curtain that lets them come to us and watch from behind the veil at times when they take time out from playing in the eternity of their days ~ My heart goes out to you ~ Sincere Thoughts, Kathryn

What you're experiencing is completely normal. On March 2nd of last year my Qorqui was killed in much the same way that Luther was. She was only 18 months old and I still greive for her.

The first days / weeks are really bad. You will probably have relapses where it gets bad again after you thought things were improving. Personally, I cried nearly nonstop for a week. The first several days the crying was deep and gut wrenching. I couldn't believe how hard it hit me. I was sure I was losing my mind. Then I found LS, where lots of people who truly love their furries assured me that I wasn't nuts, but that it's a normal reaction to the loss of a very special kind of friendship. I would still give most anything to have my "Baby Puppy" back though.

I don't know if you're a spiritual person or not, but one thing that has helped me come to terms with Qorqui's death is the idea that I will get to be with her again in the afterlife.

There is a lot of information dealing with this topic from lots of different cultures. The most recent to accept the idea that animals do indeed have souls are the modern American Christian churches (although many do still seem to reject the idea, even though there's plenty Biblical (and Book of Mormon if you're open to their teachings) evidence supporting the existence of animal souls and animals in the afterlife.) Anyway, my point is that I believe that if the same concept tends to recur in disimilar cultures, there must be some base fact that it stems from. By comparing enough information from as many of these cultures as you can find, you may not derive the details of what, where and how, but you should find enough that "feels right" to you that it gives you a little comfort in your grief.

Plus, it gives your mind something to do besides dwell on your loss. And, it's something that, for me, was acceptible to think about because it delt directly with the fact that Qorqui was no longer with me, and that as a responsible fur-parent, I was still doing whatever I could to be sure she was safe and well taken care of.

Sorry to get so "preachy". Please know that the people here truly do understand what you're feeling. Come back whenever you feel the need. Just read or "spill your guts". It all seems to help.

Take care,
Tim

I really feel I have to give a big thanks to Tim, Kathryn and Catpower...you have somehow all described exactly what I feel. I did think I was getting better but this week has been so hard for some reason. It seems I cannot do anything without having some sort of thought of my beloved scooby dog. I did do some more reading and my heart goes out to all of you as well. I must be frank and say that I am so glad I found out I am not alone. I mean, I know people grieve for their lost pets but I was seriously wondering if I was becoming mental as I seem to cry at the drop of a hat. I feel much better and am really uplifted to see that others care. So, thank you all again for your support. Do you get to a point where you can type about this without a box of tissues beside you? I still feel I may have failed Luth - "why did I let him out right at that moment?" "Why did that idiot have to drive too fast for our street?" Luth was a VERY healthy 100 lb hound-dog and it kills me to think of how hard he must've been hit to sustain the damage that he did. I know this thinking is destructive but I cannot seem to stop. Does this go away? One of our close friends (and Luther lover) told me that the only thing he could think of to tell me was that he knows that every minute of Luther's life was a good one. (Yeah, that dog sure was spoiled!!! We have no children by choice and L was our boy) He also said that it was obvious that Luth was loved and that the dog knew it. I sincerely hope so. Another thing I cannot get out my head is wondering if my poor dog knew he was dying...which makes me break down again. Thanks to you all for your support - I knew I wasn't alone but it sure does help to hear from others.

All those thoughts that you have, did he know that he was so loved, did he know that he was dying...I have had the exact same thoughts, and I keep asking myself these questions over and over again. I just hope that our pets did not feel pain when they moved on, such innocent beautiful souls.

I feel guilt ridden that I put Flo in a pet box to take her to the vets and if I hadnt....if's and but's all day long. I think this is all part of the grieving process, it is only natural.

I do believe that our pets know how much we loved them, animals are very very intuitive, they instinctively know and can identify who loves them. I am therefore certain that your Luth knew that he was loved and adored by you.

Take care

You know sometimes its so hard to read the posts here my heart just breaks for all of us. What I want to say is this I lost my little girl Tillie through a illness at a hospital with a vet. And yet the guilt is there did I not see she was sick early enough? Did I not insist that the vets do more? Why did I leave the hospital instead of staying there in their face? The reason I am saying this is that guilt I think is part of the grief no matter what the cir%%stances are.

I too live in the what if's over and over again. I don't know if I can comfort you but please know that it was a accident not a intentional thing. I am very sorry for your loss.

Tillie

Thanks to all for your support. I see now that I am in the majority rather than the minority. I feel for all who have lost a dear pet that they loved as much as I loved our Luth. It seems I miss him more everyday....everything is bittersweet...so many reminders of a part of my life that was too short. I miss you buddy-dog.

I understand your feelings on getting another dog very well. I think of all the things my readers question me on, this is at least in the top 3 - "should I get another dog or cat"? It is one of the few questions I can apply a cookie cutter answer to - and that is "if you think you should".

I know that is an oversimplification, but it is true. For some , there is no way they can get a new pet. Somehow they feel they are betraying their best friend who has passed on, in some way replacing him or her. I had those same feelings when my Samantha passed. I was heartbroken and not only did I not want to betray her memory, I did not want to set myself up for going through another loss somewhere down the road.

But I realized that her companion dog needed someone and I also realized that as an animal lover, I was doomed to have them for the duration of my own life - no getting out of it. So I went out to a shelter and found another, and over the years, another and another and another. I finally framed it appropriately in my heart and mind - I was not replacing my Samantha or others, for she had her place in my heart all staked out and permanent. What I was doing, was in loving honor to her, rescuing one of her kind from certain death in a shelter to a life of love and comfort. I could sense my Sam smiling down on me and also almost hear the one being rescued "yes, pick me, pick me, I want to get out of this place, I will love you, I will be good". We animal lovers have no chance in a shelter.

And that leads to the other side of the question - does getting another pet help the one who is grieving. Absolutely. I have never, not once, heard from a reader that getting another pet proved to be a bad thing. Indeed, quickly, the new friend wiggled their way into their homes and hearts and brought happiness again. Of course there was a short period of feeling guilty for being happy again, but if we truly believe that our animals are in a better place and happy (and they are), then why should we not experience happiness again too.

My recommendation is always "yes, get another pet, not to replace, but in honor of your best friend who has gone on ahead". The timing is the only part that is in question - and the timing will be right when you are ready. And you will know when that is.

Your Luther is a BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL boy! You can see the love in his eyes ! Now I see why God was in such a hurry to bring him home !

Your friend in grief,
Kim