Almost eight months ago I lost my precious long-haired cat, Mudbug. I'm still grieving over her death because I can only blame myself for her death. On July 7th 2003 my cat was lounging around on the patio furniture in my back yard when I went out back to make sure my new, stupid, misting fan worked. When I sprayed it out in the air it scared Mudbug and she ran off. I wasn't too worried because she usually goes off adventuring the block.

Later on that night in the early hours around 4am July 8th the phone rang, I didn't wake up in time to answer it, but then later around 6 or 7 am the phone rang again this time my mother answered it, the phone ringing woke me and all I remember hearing my mom say was "Oh no not Mudbug..." It echos through my mind whenever I think about Mudbug (Mudlee/ Mudbaby/ MudKat/ Muddilene *just some of her nicknames*)

We ended up burying her at my grandmother's house. Afterward I was wearing her collar on my wrist and my 2 dachshunds heard the jingle of Mudbug's id and rabies tags and came running looking for her. She was the best cat I've ever known in my 15 year old life. Most of the time when I would get home from school she would be sleeping on the foot of my bed, she would meow at me if her food bowl was getting empty, and she was sush a beautiful silver-grey color. I can't stop blaming myself, if I hadn't been messing with the stupid fan then she wouldn't have run off in the first place. I'm hoping this site will help ease the grief.

Dear Mudlee's Mommy:

I truly believe that this site will help to ease your grief.....

I certainly do not believe that your beloved Mudbug would want you to blame yourself, in any way, shape or form, for her death...
Our family "furbabies" are not like that at all....

They love us....and, I know that your Mudlee loved you very much...

You took care of her, you loved her, you fed her, etc..... And, I know that she in turn gave you all the unconditional love that she could!!!

Our furbabies don't blame us....kitties sometimes are frightened of strange noises, but you didn't cause her to die..... you are NOT TO BLAME AT ALL!!!!

For whatever reason, it might have been Mudlee's time.... Her work on this earth was done, and now, she is resting over Rainbow's Bridge....

She is very happy, there is no pain.....she is playing with all of our furbabies who have gone over the bridge before her, and, after her....

My lil' Ernestine had to be put to sleep because she was very sick on 2/7/2004.....
It sounds like you Mudbug would be the perfect "buddy" for my girl....I will pray that they meet one another over there, if they already haven't...

Please, I hope you will stop blaming yourself, because, you are not to blame.
Honestly... I have to believe it was your Mudlee's time... That is the only way that I would be able to get through something like this.....
Your Mudbug knows it wasn't your fault!!!!!!

I was exactly your age when my beautiful long haired cat Sandra just got lost; it seemed like just out of the clear blue sky, she was gone...

I prayed sooooo hard, I missed her sooo much!!!! I was sad, I didn't know what to do.

Turns out that a young man who had been driving down a Main Street, unfortunately
ran over my Sandra... It was dark out and he didn't see her.
My mom said that he was crying so hard when he came to the door. He was very, very sorry!!!
Though I wanted Sandra back with all of my heart, it took about a year, and I was really able to see what courage it took for that young man to come to our house (he had knocked on several doors), to let us know of the accident...
He was terribly sorry, I remember my mother saying...

You had lots of names for Mudlee...just like I had for my Ernestine..."Ernie-Bird", "Roy", "Sweetie", "Ce-Ce" and so many others.... (But, she always answered when the can opener was turned on).....

I really hope that you find some comfort here; if it wasn't for Lightning Strikes, I wouldn't be where I am today....(we adopted two kitties from a shelter one month after our Ernie-Bird was put to sleep)...

They needed a home, and we had too much love in our hearts not to give it away to a couple of "furbabies" who desperately needed a home.

They, (Lucy & Yo-Yo) will never replace our Bird, no way....but, they have their own beautiful and unique personalities and we have already fallen in love with them...
I couldn't imagine our house without them in it!!!!!

God Bless you!!

Please, stick around on this site....there are a lot of people who know exactly how
you are feeling, OKAY?????

We'll talk again!!!

G'night,
Denise

Oh, {{{Mudlee's Mommy}}},
My heart is there with you in your pain!! I'm so sorry. .. When I read your post, I knew what I needed to say to you... then I read Denise's reply----and it was EXACTLY what I had wanted to say, only she said it perfectly! After you read this note, please re-read Denise's note. It really says it all!
And remember that we're human and we make lots of mistakes every day--sometimes we don't even know they were mistakes, unless some misfortune happens. But, what you did with the fan wasn't even a mistake; it was just a cir%%stance (even if it had been a "mistake" it's only human). THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.
I hope to be in touch more with you on this board. I'm so glad you're here.
Much much love,
Little Girl's Mommy, Kathy
p.s. Remember to re-read Denise's note. Mudbug is just fine now--he's having the most blissful dream you could ever imagine! No sadness. And you WILL be reunited.

Dear Mudlee's Mom,
I am also grieving for the loss of my beloved chihuahua Pumpkin. I have finally stopped blaming myself for not knowing how sick she was. What helped me was buying and reading a great book on pet bereavement. It says that one of the stages of grief for a loved pet is guilt and the belief that we somehow could have prevented the death. We are so totally responsible for our little ones, and have so much power over their lives, that we actually come to believe that we should have power over their deaths. I know exactly how you feel - but we have to realize that we are not as powerful as we wish and cannot control when they leave this earth. My Pumpkin was only 7 and I thought I would have 10 more years with her... How I wish I had the power to bring her back... We are so lucky to have loved so much, that the loss is so great. Many people have never know the love and devotion of a beloved pet. This site has helped me so much - it will help you realize that you are NOT alone.... Take care and be gentle with yourself

Two years later.... I still grieve. I am not incapacitated by my grief any longer, but it is still there. I miss them very much. I love them still.

But life has gone on, I have a new baby that has his own place in my heart right beside the big empty space where Edgar and Jesse curled up.

You'll be ok... In time. Until then, think of the wonderful opportunity you had of having a loving, furry little soul to snuggle up to you and give you their everything.

Try to keep in mind that your Mudbug is fine, happy, purring, sunning herself.

And the guilt is normal. There is not a single person on here (that I've seen), that does not feel responsible for the passing of their furbaby. No matter how they go. Some of us have had to help them on their way. Others have moved on through accidents, freaky accidents, illnesses, old-age... but no matter how they move on, we tend to blame ourselves. And that hurts, too...

But it does get easier with time.

Eight months is not so long to grieve. They (I don't know who "they" are... but someone) say that you can EXPECT to grieve at least one month for every year that you shared with your furbaby. Sometimes, it is longer. So be gentle with yourself...

I lost Electra and Saki (and Freyja) last year. We buried Freyja the dog in my parents backyard. I check on it... I know some people have created lovely memorial gardens where their sweet ones lie. I wish I could garden (but I am much better with animals than plants!). I also wear Electra's collar with her tags on it. Saki never would wear a collar and so my husband gave me a locket with her name on it, and I wear that on Lec's collar too... We cremated Saki and Electra and they sit on the mantle.

This year, I didn't buy a calendar. Instead, I made one with all of my favorite pictures of Saki, Electra and Freyja in it. So every month I get to gaze at them and try to remember the good times I shared with them. I've also made photo collages...
I bought memorial bricks for each of them at the state university vet hospital...

I have a special box in which I've put their stuff. Toys, brushes, some fur, tags...the sympathy cards I got when they passed... stuff... their stuff...

Somehow, the things we do to honor their memory helps with the pain.

But try not to feel guilty. It was NOT your fault.

Love to you and Mudbug.

Jennifer

Dear Mudlee's Mom,
Yes, I have to say emphatically..yes this site will help you.
We all know and understand how you feel. Some know exactly what you are going through and some of us feel the pain you feel and can offer support and comfort.
I am so very sorry. Reading your post made me think of another cat that I had lost maybe twenty years ago. I lost her in the same way. She was an indoor cat and my mother had gotten her a little buddy to keep her company. My girl's name was Melody and my Mom' s cat was named Dusty. They always played together. Then one day while I was at college, Melody had gotten out of the house and my father found her down the road, and that she had been hit. He buried her for me, he wouldn't let me see her, I guess she was pretty bad. Then to make things worse, my Mom's cat Dusty got out of the house (maybe looking for Melody) and we lost her too. That was terrible. I was so upset(and a stupid kid at the time) I busted the windshield of my Volswagon with my fist. What a dope I was.
We understand, keep coming to this site.
Love, Janice