Our cat Rose was put down yesterday morning around this time. She was 6 years old and had been diagnoised with liver and kidney disease 5 days earlier. She had stopped eating and was getting weak and turned yellow. We tried hard to beat the illness. I fed her by syringe 3x a day, I gave her a fluid i.v. and her medicine and vitamins 2x a day. At first she seemed to respond. But Saturday night, she began to have tremors. By Monday morning (yesterday) I made up my mind to put her down after I went to go feed her. She was having labored and fast breathing. She began to withdraw from me again (she did this when I first found her ill). We took her to the vet's and she let me hold her the whole time. I could only hold her for about a minute or two before she had had enough in the past. She came to me for affection, it was not the other way around. Putting her down was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I felt sick and dizzy watching her die. And I couldn't watch most of it. I had them take her out of the room immediatly, I couldn't look at her like that. I just collasped to the floor after they took her out. My children and I went home and cried and cried. We buried her in our backyard lastnight. This morning I threw out her litter box and her food and water. It feels so unreal and I feel so numb. It's hard to believe my baby is gone. I loved her so much. She was such a part of our family. My 9 year old daughter was so upset yesterday, she couldn't eat anything all day.

I just wanted to share and get some of these emotions out. She was such a beautiful and soft cat (the softest cat I've ever had). And she was such a prissy thing. We're going to miss her so much!

Thanks for letting me vent!

I know how you feel. I held my beloved Jake cat in my arms until he breathed his last.One thing that I have found that is extremely helpful is:

If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
And pain does keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this, the last battle, can't be won,
You will be sad, I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand.
For on this day more than the rest,
You love and friendship must stand the test.
We've had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so,
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where my needsthey'll tend,
Only, stay with me until the end,
And hold me close and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waived,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve now that it must be you,
Who has to decide this thing to do.
We've been so close, we two,these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

Take care,

Sandi

Dear (((((MaraJade & family))))):

I am so very sorry to hear about your sweet Rose !!
My heart is breaking because I know the awful pain that you are feeling right now.

I know with ALL OF MY HEART & SOUL THAT YOUR PRECIOUS ROSE, SHE LOVES YOU!!

She thanks you, her mother, for having the strength & courage to let her go....Without question....it is one of that hardest things that we will ever have to do.

I am happy that if you had to find a pet-grief site, that you found your way here.
This place has been a life saver to me, and many countless other wonderful people who need(ed) such a place.

Do you know about Rainbow's Bridge?? I do believe that after our furbabies life here on earth is done....that they all go to a very happy & magical place called Rainbow's Bridge.
And, it's a place where there is no more pain, no more suffering....only lots of joy & happiness, as all of our furkids play together.....
Running through the clean grassy meadows, lapping up cool water from the beautiful brooks & streams & chasing butterflies....

And, one day, when it is our time to go to Heaven, we'll stop over at Rainbow's Bridge to be reunited with our furkin, who have gone on ahead of us.....and, we'll all walk into eternity together!!

I'm sending prayers & healing thoughts to you and your family.

Please come here as often as you want to......whenever you feel like just talking, venting, getting the emotions out....
It really does help...

God Bless You & Yours!!

Love, Denise

Yes, this site really does help, and also petloss.com--you can have your pet's name posted on the rainbow bridge list--and then it will be read aloud during the weekly candle ceremony on Monday evenings.

I have found this site to be very helpful-- we all know how each other feels, and the support that I have found here since 11/22/05 has been wonderful. So, yes, feel free to come here as often as you need to...Feel free to vent anytime, it really helps also...


I am very sorry about the loss of your Rose kitty..I can tell that you loved her very much. She loves you, too.

My prayers are with you and your family,
Sandi

thank you for all your kind words. They meant a lot to me.

I didn't realize it would hurt this bad. I keep looking for her and expecting to see her. That is the hardest part. Lastnight I almost called out to her so she could get ready for bed with me. She always laid on my bed at night (usually on top of me). I miss holding her so much. My children are equally as sad and going through the same emotions. My son broke down last night when he noticed how quiet it was in the house, etc.

We're thinking of getting a kitten this weekend. I think partly for distraction and partly for something to cuddle with and love. But I'm not sure if its a good idea or not.

Avoidence and denial is the path I want to take because the pain hurts so much. I want to pretend she's just sleeping somewhere in the house or hiding. But I know I can't do that. I have to walk through this. I just know that where she is, she's probably thinking "get over it girl, I'm fine". She was very independent. She came to me for affection, not the other way around. And she when she came around, she demanded attention by getting in my face and rubbing against it. And then she'd flop down and stretch out for her belly rub. I miss that and talking to her. We had our own little communication between us. I swear she understood what I was talking about sometimes. And she'd answer back with her grunts or meows. I've never had that type of relationship with a cat before. But it wasn't just me. Everyone in my family had their own special bond with her. She was small enough that she'd sleep in my daughters Barbie doll house while my daughter played dolls. After my sons shower, he'd sit on the floor to watch tv, with his back to the bed. Rose would come to him and proceed to groom his hair. She always laid on the bed and watched tv at night with us. And if we were on the computer she'd be top of the computer chair. We loved her company and vice versa.

This got so long! I'm sorry to ramble on, but it feels better to remember and get it out.

I have found that it helps to remember and talk about our fur kids. I have 2 kittens that have been a great comfort with the loss of Jake. I have to go for now, but, if you would like to email me, you can anytime at:
luvmonteblue_1128@yahoo.com.

Take care,
Sandi

MaraJade, so sorry for your loss. I know how difficult it was for you and truly sympathise with your situation. But know that there will not be anymore suffering or pain for your companion. Doing what you did was the most loving decision you could have made. I hope in time you'll see nothing but the good life you has with your kitty.

Forever Jake - What an excellent poem. I cried reading it thinking about my Rocky. Tonight we pick up his cremains from the vet. We're both so scared to do it because it means it's really final. You just wish they'd live forever.......

Thanks for all the kind words! I'm feeling better than I was on Monday. But I still have moments. It's starting to finally sink in that she's really gone and that's hard. I'd give up almost anything to get her back.

We are picking up a kitten tomorrow. My kids (9 and 12) are very excited. I was at first. But after buying a new litter pan, and litter and stuff, I'm having mixed feelings about it. I feel disloyal I guess to Rose. It's not even been a week and I have a new cat coming in. I miss her so much but I also miss having someone to care for and cuddle.

Is it normal for me not to want the new kitten on Rose's things? I just can't stand the thought of him sleeping on her blanket and playing with her old toys. I've put them up and I'm getting him new toys and a new blanket. Is that okay? How did y'all handle getting a new pet? What were your feelings?

I have found that having the 2 little ones has brought me some comfort...although it is not the same..

I think that Rose would be proud that her family was opening their home to another kitty that also needs love and attention...

I have not been able to bring my self to putting Jake's things away yet..And Bailey and Fritzie-Waffles have their own toys. My fiance wanted to let them use Jake's toys and blankets, and I said no..I just can't do that. So, I understand how you feel. I think that it is a decision that each individual has to make. Jake was such a special kitty, that seeing another cat with "his" things would just be too hard. If you think that your new kitten should have their own things,t hat is okay....

I have to go for now.

Love,
Sandi

Reading about your sweet Rose and everyone's responses has provided alternating bursts of tears and relief during the past half hour...especially the parts where guilt was discussed. I lost Blackie in the wee hours of Sun 1/29 from complications of just-diagnosed kidney failure and a thyroid condition as well as now-you-see-it-now-you-don't high blood sugar, all of which showed since up during the preceeding 4 days. The medical details are not as important here as the situation and the resulting guilt and sadness. Blackie was probably 14-15 years old. He was the last of several strays my father had adopted and who had lived in my parents' basement (warm, dry and with a screened outdoor run). My dad's almost 90 and bedridden. My mother, in her mid-80s, cares for him and, even though she's a little afraid of animals, had taken over Blackie's feeding and litter box duties when my dad could no longer do it. During this past summer, when my dad's condition escalated, I decided (in my infinite wisdom, or so I thought) it would be best for Blackie if he came to live with me, my husband, 15-year-old and ailing sweet little dog, Spike AND our 5 cats. My reasoning was that mom had enough to do without a.m. and p.m. trips to the basement for Blackie and also that the cat might benefit from some human and animal companionship. Ironically, my main reason was that if Blackie started to show symptoms of illness, my mother might well miss them, whereas I would see him every day and could provide a more watchful eye. Because Blackie had been a loaner for so long, he was not really touchable, so I didn't know him very well. He had a voracious appetite and would knock over anything in his path when the food dish got put down. In the few weeks before Blackie became ill we had finally started the bonding process. He would stand on the sofa arm when I was watching TV and "allow" me to bump heads with him. And, with appropriate warning, I could also pet his head. I felt so honored! About a week before he died, Blackie seemed to mellow out. He had a special pillow on the other sofa that was all his, and he spent a lot more time curled up there asleep. As often as not, he would turn up his nose at the food dish. I would offer him something else and assume he'd eat it later or nosh on the dry food that is always available. Once or twice even earlier I'd seen Blackie make several trips to the litter box and come away unsatisfied. I assumed he was constipated. I know this is getting long, and I'm sorry, but I really need to share this story. On the Wed before Blackie died, I tried to wake him from a pillow nap and realized he'd lost a lot of weight. That's when I knew he had not been eating after all. I left for work planning to bring him to the vet that evening, but when a friend called to say she was depressed and wanted to have dinner, I made the date without a second thought. Of course, Blackie was even worse that night, and I took him to the vet first thing Thur a.m. By then his head was actually lolling back and forth. The poor little thing was dehydrated, and the vet diagnosed kidney failure. He would have put him down right then, but I opted for a blood test for confirmation, and when it came back the next day, his blood sugar was elevated enough to qualify for one unit of insulin. I was told to pick it up and the pharmacy and come in Sat a.m. for a lesson in injections. In the meantime the holistic vet in VT that I use for Spike suggested additional bloodwork be done and the results sent to him for evaluation. One of these tests showed a hypoactive thyroid. I could not believe that this was all happening so fast. And then, just before giving Blackie the first insulin injection, Dr. G. checked his blood sugar one more time, and it was normal. My head was spinning. IV fluid was administered and they wanted me to continue it at home but were all out of hook-up units. I told them I had been getting fluids into him orally and would continue over the weekend and come back first thing Mon. The fluids perked Blackie up a little as did the mix of hi-cal supplement and strained babyfood meat I was feeding him with a syringe. With no fight left in him, I was able to wrap Blackie in an old fleece jacket and cuddle him. I spent most of Sat (normally my housecleaning day) lying on the sofa with Blackie swaddled up and lying on my chest. From time to time he'd look up at me...it seemed with love...and would reach out a paw and touch my chin. That night I brought him to bed with me, and I'd done the night before, and held him close and warm. Around 2 p.m. he made a few sounds in his throat and had a major body spasm...and he was gone. I have been wracked with sadness, guilt and remorse since that moment. How had I missed the signals? I've had cats my entire adult life and could give lessons on symptoms and treatment. The poor thing would probably still be alive if I'd left him in my mother's care. She probably would have noticed he wasn't eating and was possibly having urinary problems because she had only one cat to watch. I realized that some small part of me had been relieved because Blackie had finally chilled out and wasn't knocking things off the counter at mealtime rather than being concerned that he wasn't eating. I realized that I might have paid less attention to him because he wasn't really "mine" and we didn't have that special connection. I cry every time I think that I contributed to his death and might have saved him if I'd only been more concerned. Understand that I am a person who feeds the birds and squirrels in my yard, who feeds, traps and spay/neuters stray cats and prays daily to St Francis that I will always be able to help creatures in need. How could I have missed (ignored? denied?) that this poor little cat was starting to die right in front of me? If anyone has stayed awake long enough to read this mini-novel, thank you for listening. I cannot tell you how happy I am to have found this site. To all of you who are suffering the loss of a precious pet, I wish you peace, comfort and the certain knowledge that you have done the very best that you could.

Juanita,

My heart goes out to you!

Please don't blame yourself. From what I've read and stories I've heard (not to mention my own recent experience) liver/kidney disease comes on quickly.

My own kitty was fine last month. I only noticed she seemed "different" a week before she died. In fact noone noticed it but me. She just didn't seem like herself, and I couldn't place my finger on why. She wasn't showing any of the symptoms at that time. When the signs did appear, it was too late.

Its a disease that moves quickly. The organs shut down and you can't stop it. There wasn't anything you could of done to stop it. And you don't know what caused it to happen. It could have been a tumor or something. I believe Rose had cancer and that spread throughout her body. Her liver/kidneys shut down and she had signs of a brain disorder at the end.

((((Hugs))))

Dear MaraJade,
Thank you so very much for your sympathy, understanding and support. I am doubly grateful for your concern because you are going through the heartache of having lost sweet Rose after 6 years. I was Blackie's guardian for only a matter of months, and it still hurts. I am convinced that the element of guilt makes recovery that much harder. I have always owned multiple cats and, over the years, have lost several of them. The ones that still pull at my heartstrings and bring tears to my eyes are those that left me feeling I could have done more...or done something differently.
On a more pleasant note, did you get the new kitty? I hope you did and, if so, that you have put aside feelings of disloyalty to Rose. She was special, she was wonderful, and she can never be replaced. The new baby may occupy some of the physical space in your home that Rose did, but it will never, ever fill that particular place in your heart. I think it is perfectly normal to want to keep Rose's things apart from what the new kitten will use...whether you choose to keep them as mementos, give them away or throw them away. I remember many years ago when Mr. Nat, one of my real soulmate cats was dying. I brought him to the vet that final day wrapped in my favorite warm, cuddly robe. After he was gone I could never use that robe again. I hung onto it...didn't even wash it...for quite a while. Then one day, "it was time". I washed and fluffed the still-good robe and put it in the Good Will box!
Love and best wishes to you and your family for a long, loving relationship with the new baby. And thank you so much for being part of this wonderful site and for providing compassion to others during your own time of sorrow.
Juanita

Juanita,

Yes, we did get the kitten. And he's adorable. The first day we had him he rubbed his face against mine, exactly the way my Rose used to. He hasn't done that since. I really felt like it was a way of Rose saying to me, "it's alright to have him with you", at that moment. I'm glad we have him. He's got my heart already. He's a real love bunny, but oh, is he a stinky one! Lol! He passes some smelly gas! Which is something Rose NEVER did.

Your right about the guilt. It does make healing worse. I had a cat named Alice disappear 7 years ago. I let her out in the morning and she never came back. I felt guilty about that for a long time. I kept going over all the "what if's". Finally I realized I had to let it go. She was gone and I had to face it and go on and learn from it.

I hope your feeling better than you were a few days ago. I still get sad, but I can smile over the memories and laugh at some of the silly things she did. Take care of yourself.