Last Wednesday late evening my mini schnauzer, Pepper, started to get sick. I never dreamed that it would be fatal she was only 2 years old!!!!! In April of last year she had an episode of pancreatitis and the vet at the time told me she suspected a liver shunt problem that she would have been born with. We put her on specialty food with a lower protein level than other dog foods. We also added vegetables and fruit to her diet and she adored those. She use to go into my garden and I would watch her as she would find the strawberries and the green beans, lol. Oh God this hurts sooooooooooooooo bad. WHY???? Why did she have to die. I can't stand not having my baby Pepper following me around like a shadow. Even one of my cats is mourning as well. I took her into the vets very early Thursday morning and they took her temperature - it was BELOW normal so they placed some warmed up small pillows and we wrapped her up. She could still walk at this stage but was walking like a drunken sailor and I swear she had gone blind . She was walking into walls....... The vet told me a few hours later after putting her on i.v. and drawing blood that it definetely was pancreatitis with the liver shunt problem adding to all of this but she had stopped vomitting and was now resting - no more circling. Leslie said "I am guardedly optomist that her neurological state will correct itself". Friday morning I am at work and I received the call I was expecting from Kelly, the main vet. I knew the minute I picked-up the phone by the tone of her voice that the news was not going to be good and that Pepper would not be coming home that day but I NEVER EXPECTED WHAT SHE SAID NEXT. She said "Danielle, I am sorry but Pepper is much worse today....she is unable to stand up..... she is just not with us mentally, I don't believe she knows where she is or that we are around her.... My heart sank, the tears came and the pain and reality of what I now had to say and do was making it very difficult to speak. I never thought I would have to utter those words so soon "Please put her down immediately". And so my beloved sweet and young Pepper left this world around 10:00 a.m. Friday, January 20/06 without me there. I didn't want her suffering so I told Kelly not to wait but to please please do it quickly. I went home that night to my cats, horses and I walked into my house to no Pepper to ever greet me again. I spent most of the evening in the stable with my horses and poor Shari, my 29 year old rescue arabian horse got a talking to between the tears I couldn't stop. I looked at Shari and said "don't you dare die on me anytime soon, I just can't take much more, you know?". I bought Pepper 2 months after our other schnauzer died, Shotzie. Shotzie died Dec. 10/03 and I bought Pepper on Valentines day 2004. She had just turned 2 years of age on Dec. 21/ 05. ITS JUST NOT FAIR!!!!! One of my cats who was the best of buddies with Pepper was crying on Friday and Saturday night like I have never heard him before. It was a very eerie sound and I swear he knows that Pepper is no longer with us. Also on the Thursday night that Pepper was at the vet's I felt her presence in the house. I know some may think I am crazy but I could hear her dog tags and I remember looking at my son and saying, isn't that strange I can hear Pepper's tags on her collar. It has been horrible to try and explain to my grandaughter who is soon to be 4 that Pepper is gone. My grandaughter and daughter live with us and Pepper and Makayla use to play and play. Last night I broke down in tears and here is my grandaughter of such a tender age trying to console grandma - saying "grandma, don't cry, I will go and get Pepper for you". :-(

Danielle,
I am so very sorry for your loss. It does seem unfair, when a living being we've loved has left and we neither expected it or prepared for it. It's not easy either way, of course. You did everything for Pepper that a loving partner would do, and I think you were very courageous to make the decision at the end, when you knew how much it would hurt. There are really no words to take the pain away, of course, but I'm glad you have family and other pets (my goodness, a rescue Arabian - you are very courageous!) around, because they will make a huge difference in how you face the next few days, weeks and months. If it weren't for my family and other cats I don't know how I would have gotten through these past 6 weeks tonight since Magic left. I have no doubt that Pepper is there with you and jingling her tags, and I think you're giving your granddaughter a life lesson in how you face this. Someday she, too, will lose a person or pet she loves, and she'll have the example of how you loved and mourned to look to. Grief for our pets is really an almost undescribable pain, but please know, you're not alone. Let us know how you're doing, and take care - Barbara

Thanks Barbara for your words. Yes, you are right, having the other animals does help me to focus on them and give me a break from my constant thoughts on Pepper. I am so wishing now I had asked for an autopsy (post mortem) to find out EXACTLY why my sweet baby went through this at such a young age. As I mentioned she had a pancreatic attack before but it certainly wasn't violent as this attack, if that is all it was. So many unanswered questions and last night I went over everything in my mind again and again to see if I had missed something that she perhaps had eaten, chewed on, etc. etc. It still doesn't feel real that she is gone. Each night I come home from work now expecting to open the door and have Pepperr jumping up and down, waiting for me to pick her up and give her a big hug and kiss. She was just so full of life you know. I spoke to my mother who was extremely upset the other night about her passing and she said but we were just over at your house at Christmas and she was playing with your father, this just can't be.
Because of her liver shunt problem that she was born with I knew deep down in my heart that this was not going to be a dog that would have a long life but the shock of losing her at such a tender age is what is making this doubly hard to take. I told my husband I don't want another dog, I just want my Pepper back!!!!! There has been too much heartbreak recently, ever since we moved to where we are living now. I have lost two cats that have just disapeared and I searched and searched for weeks, calling, walking all over the place - nothing. Then last spring we were expecting our first miniature horse baby. The foal never got out of the sack and died , then our beloved Shotzie (before we had Pepper) ran into the road and was instantly killed, just 15 days before Christmas 2003. I am usually a fairly strong person, mind you when it comes to my animals I don't have strenght, I am just so very emotional because they bring me such joy. They make my life whole and right now I feel it is getting emptier and emptier and I am losing the will to pull myself back-up.
I have two miniature mares expecting this spring and I don't know if I can take anymore heartache should something happen to either of those unborn foals. I have had enough heartache with animals in my life.... Just once I would like to be owned by an animal that lives to be "old". Yes Shari, my arabian rescue mare is "vintage" but I have only been owned by her for 2 years now. Some days I think I would be better off not having ANY animals so I would never have to feel so much pain. There is just so much a person can take.

Pepper was so cute! My dog Howie, who died 10 years ago at age 15, was half schnauzer (and half beagle) - what a funny, smart dog he was. So smart, in fact, that he seemed almost human.

I do know what you mean about thinking sometimes the pain the loss of our beloved animal companions makes you wonder if it would be better to not have them at all - but I firmly believe the joy they bring completely makes up for it. I look at people who do not have pets - and their lives seem so empty to me.

Take Care.
Gina

Oh you are so right. This was our second schnauzer, our first Shotzie was a rescue that we took in and that is when I fell in love with the breed. They are funny little dogs and they always look like they are smiling. This little one was more vocal and energetic then Shotzie and the weird and strange sounds she would make..... . There was one commercial on t.v. that use to drive me crazy because it had a doorbell ringing in it and it played 2 or 3 times every evening on t.v. Of course Pepper didn't understand that and she would start the barking and running to the door with her small tail wagging away, thinking "oh boy someone has come to visit me", lol. The other quirk she had was doing what I called the moonwalk (Michael Jackson) dance with her back legs. In the evenings when she wanted to play she would bring her squeaky toy over and drop it at your feet and look up at you and if you didn't pick it up to throw it for her she would use one back leg and than the other. And she wouldn't stop until she got her way.

I am going tonight to pay her last vet bill. On Friday when I had to make the decision while I was at work I told the vet I would be in that night to pay her bill and Kelly told me to take the time I needed. I drove by on Saturday, the clinic, with the intention of going in and I burst into tears in the car....I just couldn't bring myself to go in because the last time I saw her was Thursday morning when I brought her in so very sick and that is so stuck in my mind. She slept with me Wednesday night with her head buried in my neck.... . I wish I could have held her when she crossed over but I couldn't stand the thought of her suffering one more minute when the vet called me at work on Friday morning. I strongly believe in quality of life over quantity and when suffering is involved and no remedy than the decision is easier to make, but never easy to deal with.