Christmas Day was 3 months since my dear dog Rudy died from cancer at age 10. I guess it is getting easier to cope, although I am still very, very sad. I miss him so much every day, and every night. I do think of the happy times - he had a sunny disposition and there were so many - but I also have a hard time not dwelling on his final illness and death. It seems so unfair. It breaks my heart. I always thought he'd live to be at least 12-14 years old (although I know that even if he had I would have been devastated by his death). But I don't think he spent 3 hours much less 3 months of his life feeling sad, and perhaps I should take a lesson from that.

Anyway, for Christmas I got "Animals and the Afterlife" by Kim Sullivan (I think that is correct, I am going from memory). I am a few chapters into it. It is not the best book I've ever read, but it is interesting and it is clear she is a compassionate person. I am not sure yet whether it is helping me. I do plan to finish it and we'll see. I wanted to ask anyone on the list - do you have any recommended reading on this subject (grieving over pets and the their afterlife)? I have already read many books that deal with grieving over the death of people, and human afterlife (for instance Embraced by the Light, Life After Life, and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' work).

Thanks - Gina

Gina,

What kind of dog is your angel Rudy? You really love him. It's so hard not having them with us and having to face a different routine when we go home. It's such an empty feeling.

I read Animals and The Afterlife (by Kim Sheridan) last week. I am glad I read the book because the author has experienced so many pet losses of her own and she describes how she felt each time and thought she could never love again and never stop hurting. Her beloved little babies are rats and they only live for a few years. After reading the book, rats sound very sweet and charming. She also talks about using "animal communicators" to contact your fur baby. Has anyone had experience with that? I would love to communicate with my little guy...

I also appreciated the book because it helped me stay a little distracted from my grieving and gave me something to do. It's been over 3 1/2 months since my Toffee has been gone and I have been thinking about him all day today. I miss him! I mention to people that I still miss him and they don't seem to care (or know what to say). I don't want him to be forgotten. I love him. I sleep with his little stripe sweater in my hand.

I also read a book called The Divine Nature of Animals... a collection of stories. It didn't help me much, but again a good distraction. I'm sorry you are still very sad. I know we need to just remember the happy times like you said - it will make our angels feel good when they look in on us.

Gina,

I have been reading any book I can get my hands on to help me deal with my grief. I have to admit I tried reading Kim Sheridan's book (Animals and the Afterlife) but for me it didn't provide any comfort, maybe it is just the stage I am in. (The grief and guilt I have is bad enough without thinking there is evidence my dog might have been upset with me for my decision or my behavior.)

Anyway, I have read the following books:

Saying Goodbye to the Pet You Love, ... by Lorri Green and Jacquelyn Landis (very helpful in my opinion);

Goodbye Friend by Gary Kowalski (nice, but not necessarily helpful for dealing with my immediate feelings of guilt, depression)

The Loss of a Pet (New Revised and Expanded edition) by Wallace Sife. (This one has helped me the most. Some people have described it as being "tough-love" or "too clinical" but I find that appeals to me. Too his words made me feel like "yes, that is why I am feeling this." "Oh, I never thought of it this/that way.")

I have also bought, but not yet read "Do Dogs Go to Heaven?"

Anyway, I guess the books that appeal to us at this time are as individual as the grief we experience. We each grieve and yet what we express or how we act or what we need to help us heal is so individual. I hope these suggestions help you as they (and this forum and the responses from others) have helped me in some measure.

I am sorry for your loss and understand what you are talking about with regard to feeling perhaps robbed of years with your Rudy. I remember telling my husband right after we had Ashley euthanised, that I felt robbed because I always thought I would have her until she was about 16-18, because she was a little dog and I tried to take good care of her. (She was 14 years, 4 months and 8 days old when she died.) Since little dogs tend to live longer I just thought (wished, dreamed) she would live longer than she did. The truth is, it is never ever long enough is it? I know Angelbaby feels the same regarding her Toffee.

As expressed to others on this site, know that I am thinking of all of us and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

there are some excellent choices in this site's pet loss book area. i find amazon.com's pet loss section to be a great resource. also, if you go through this site's amazon portal, a portion of what you spend comes back for me to use for hosting fees

Rudy was a beagle/collie. His mother was a stray dog, and he was born at the shelter. I adopted him when he was six weeks old. He first showed symptoms almost a year ago, on January 6. Despite all sorts of test and treatments for UTI, his vet at that time wasn't able to diagnose it as cancer until the end of July. I am not really angry over this, because other than having intermittent blood in his urine, Rudy didn't act sick until July, and maybe it was just as well that we didn't know. On August 1, a specialist said he would die within the month. He actually lived nearly two months after that, and he died 8 days after his 10th birthday (or one week after mine). Once he was diagnosed we switched to a holistic vet, and I am very happy with that decision. Although he didn't have much appetite (he was never a food obsessed dog), Rudy's quality of life was high until the day before he died. I have had many dogs, cats and other pets in my life, and I have loved them all to pieces, but there was something extra special about Rudy.

I really thank you all for the recommendations. I will check Amazon. This is a wonderful website. It is always so good to come hear, and read the thoughts of others who are going through the same thing (as long as there are tissues nearby :-). You and your dear pets are all in my thoughts.

I am going to try to post the obituary I had put in the paper, hope it works.

Gina,
That is the most adorable thing I have ever read! I would have never thought to do that...I wonder why?? Oh great, now I have something else to feel guilty over ! LOL! It brought a smile to my face, so I thank you for posting it, and I thank your Rudy for being such a precious boy!

Kim

I love that!!!! Every dog is deserving of that, I never thought to do it either. Another book recommendation....a couple of them. "Goodbye Friend" is great, I can't remember the author but it helped me through the first two weeks and "Marley and Me" by Josh Grogan. I just finished reading the latter and it really brings a smile to your face!! It reminds us all of why we love our babies so much and just what we will put up with in their lifetime!! For me it mirrored alot about my Parker!! But, a really fun read!!

Parker's Mom,
Kerry

Dear ((((Gina)))):

Lil' Rudy's obituary is nothing like I have ever seen......

What a wonderful idea - I never thought of that...

Thank you for bringing a smile to my face...

God Bless You & Yours,

Love, Denise

This is a sad anniversary for me. One year ago today, January 6, was when I first noticed in the snow that Rudy had blood in his urine. I thought it was just a simple UTI - he was only 9 at the time, and seemed to be the picture of health, shiny, happy, full of energy, a ball of fire in fact. The thought that he would be gone 8 days after his 10th birthday would have been absurd!

By February, when antibiotics didn't clear it up, I was afraid the extensive tests would show cancer. But they didn't; I was so relieved, and I believed the good news, since he had no symptoms aside from the bloody urine. For some reason, I didn't question why the vets couldn't figure out what was wrong. (My husband says we don't seek second opinions when we like the diagnosis.)

By July he did seem to have failed, if just a little, but still the news that it was probably cancer at the end of that month took me by surprise. I think I had been more prepared for that result in February. Then the definitive diagnosis on August 1 that he would not survive the month and there was nothing that could be done was a real shock. I think I remained in denial until the day he died on September 25, though by then he was showing signs of decline.

Afterwards I wondered if it would have been good to have known last Spring that he had cancer. I certainly would not have taken him for his rabies booster if I had known. On the other hand, I would not have wanted to subject him to extreme treatments, and certainly I would have been tempted. I would have done anything to save him. I'm not sure I would have known enough to try holistic treatment, which I turned to in desperation after the awful news. (And I am very glad that I did - this is the vet I now use.)

But on the other hand, there was something blissful about thinking there was nothing seriously wrong with him. His life was normal, and so was mine, for those precious months.

Anyway, I want to thank everyone who commented. This discussion board has been such a blessing.
Gina

Good Morning,

I read your post and can relate to so many things in it this day.

This is the 3 month anniversary of the last day on earth I spent with the innocent joy of my life CC. I have to tell you the exact same thing happened to us. The blood in the urine ~ no explanation why ~ Blood Work and Ultrasound good to normal. Then "all of a sudden" he turns yellow and stops eating, and we had only a few days the last of which was spent at Oradell Emergency Hospital where they could do anything needed to save a life ~ the only thing is that my precious boy could not be saved and would have suffered exponetially as the days ahead progressed. He too had cancer. Too many tumors to even begin biopsy ~ in the pancreas and spleen.

It is the hardest thing I could ever do to believe this good doctor who told me she had just lost her own childhood dog of nearly 20 years the previous week. I am so empty and lost without my rainbow boy. He was pure white and his fur was actually clear and emited a rainbow if you held it to the sun. I have tried so hard to move forward with my life since his sudden death. To say nothing of the fact that I had only just started getting through the loss of Amber in March 28 of 2005. I have decided that the loss of a pet is different than any other death I experience.

I cannot explain my feelings to most others. It is not understood at the depth of perception in proportion to how I feel ~ and I thank God for sites such as this. I have been a silent member most days lately ~ healing takes such personal strength some of which I attain by reading and visiting here often. After the blow of losing CC I have been absent spiritually from my own body and apologize for not being there as I would like for others.

Anyway back to the sudden loss it is the same for me and I wanted to thank you for sharing your post as it is something I truly needed to see today ~ I am so sorry for your loss. May you find blessings and comfort as you walk the path ahead.

Four months ago today since my Rudy died. Coincidentally, today is the day when my nephew & his wife are awaiting the results of an amnio on their baby...last week's ultrasound didn't look good. I pray it is good news...

Rest in peace, my beloved Mr. Wuj. There is snow outside - if you were here, I know you would be rolling in it.
Gina