I've just lost my beautiful best friend (hamster) in very tragic cir%%stances, and have been really moved by everybody's words on this forum.

I'm feeling very tired with all the crying and grieving (and trying not to think of my wee darlin, choking to death in front of my eyes -I gave him a very unsuitable 'treat', and panicked and wasn't quick enough to get hold of a pipette with water).

I wanted to tell you about a website that's really helping me right now:

www.pet-loss.net

Check it out -it's very sensitively worded, and has lots of good practical advice too.

Thinking of you all in your pain, and praying that God and your friends and family will help to strengthen and comfort you at this time.

Warmest wishes,

Marlene

Ps

I've only glanced at a few entries so far, cos of feeling so drained at the moment.

It's so special and hugely helpful to read that you all share and identify with the very deep love I have for my wee guy. Also, thank you so much for expressing your thoughts and feelings so openly - they've really helped me feel connected and much less alone in my grief.

Look after yourselves

Toty's mum

I am so very sorry for the sad loss of your "best friend" ... he sounds such a very special and precious little boy to you.

I know you are heartbroken at what happened to him, and I can only say please continue to come and gain support here.

My thoughts are with you
with love
jilly

Thank you so much Jilly,

Your wee one is really gorgeous by the way!

Here's a pic of my 'bairn' too (I'm Scottish!).

I'm aware that some people might think that Toty was 'only a hamster', but I work from home and was with him constantly.

Because of recovering from difficulties going out and being in social situations, he filled that 'gap' for companionship in my life, as well as giving masses of unconditional love and making me laugh at all his adorable wee antics!

I must go and get my head round some hoovering etc, for my brother's arrival in a few hours' time. We plan to visit the grave, and I've been praying that God would keep all overcurious dogs well away!

I trust that you're reaching the stage where the pain's starting to become a bit more manageable, and in its place you're able to start really savouring all the special memories of the precious times you had with Ellie.

Love and prayers,

Marlene

Hello Marlene

What a beautiful little boy your Toty was and what a wonderful picture of him. No wonder you love him so very much …. I can see so much character and intelligence and love in his little face.

What you say about , “only a hamster”, We all understand Marlene, that the bond of love and resulting heartbreak when our furbabies pass, can be for ALL creatures, no matter how great or how tiny they might be.

We all understand that on this site. There is no greater or lesser animal: dogs, cats, horses, birds, rats, hamsters, rabbits, ferrets, all have been lovingly talked of here and the pain is equally great for everyone.

Toty held such an important role in your life and you must miss his companionship and unconditional love so very much. Like you, Ellie too was my constant companion in an isolating situation due to an illness where I could not lead a normal life.

I am so sorry that you had the dreadful experience of your poor wee boy choking right there in front of you …. that is such a very difficult thing to have in your mind.

It happened to me when one of my cats choked to death in front of me, and I could do nothing (not Ellie) ….. the only way I could get away from those awful pictures in my mind and the guilt, was to keep telling myself that she was at peace now, that it wasn’t happening right now and that I had given her a good and happy life to the best of my ability.

I had to keep telling myself this because otherwise I was swamped with grief and guilt.

I know that you will have given your little Toty a wonderful life. I can see how happy he is in his little face. These freak accidents/events occur sometimes and coming to terms with them is so very difficult. Try to be gentle with yourself and not blame yourself … I am sure it is not your fault, and that on a different day he would have easily eaten that treat without any difficulty. You would not have given him something that you thought he would choke on … I know that for sure.

Ellie passed a year ago and this site helped me so much for many many months. I have not been back for quite a while now, but I was here last night and your post touched my heart and I just wanted to send you my love and support for the sadness that you are feeling.

It took a long time for me to heal completely, about 10 months I would say. I kept thinking I was healed and then all my sadness would come to the surface again. But now, every time I think of Ellie, I think of her as being at Rainbow Bridge and being in her spirit form. Too many coincidences and unusual experiences this year for me to believe anything other than the fact that she is alive and well somewhere, even though it is on a plain of existence that I cannot see. I sense her and feel her presence …. This began about 4 months after her passing. It gives me a warm glowing feeling in my heart when it happens and this has displaced all the sadness of my loss. Thank you for speaking of her at such a sad time for yourself.

With love jilly

You know, I never had hamsters growing up and did not really relate to them in any way. But your picture of your beautiful furbaby completely changed my mind. He had the sweetest face, and I am sure that you are missing him so much that your heart aches. I am truly sorry for your loss, particularly since this is the holiday season. Take care and remember that you are not alone in your grief. You have friends here.

Hamsters are very sweet companions. About 4 years ago my daughter had a hamster named "Elephant". I was typing on the computer and his cage was right next to me on another table. He had been sleeping in his blankies (little pieces of soft sheets) when he suddenly stretched his head up and had a really scared look on his face and then passed away. I felt so sad for him and really missed him. I was actually kind of upset that others weren't more sensitive to him being gone. He looked me right in the eye so if there was any comfort at least he knew I was there. I'm sorry your little Toty had to go that way. I know how hard it is to keep remembering what happened. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You love him and he loves you. The love you have for each other will never end. All of us here know what you are going through and will help each other get through this sad time of missing our loved ones.

Marlene,
I'm so sorry you lost Toty- what a precious little critter!
We had a guinea pig years ago and he would talk to us all day. H e loved to be cuddled and held. I hope you will heal sooner than you expect.
So many people here understand that this is so hard. Hope you will keep coming
hugs
Cathi

Dear Jilly, pamurchu, AngelBaby, Cathi,

Thank you so much for ministering to me with your healing words. You know, they were a very special Christmas present indeed - when I read them on Christmas evening! I kind of felt, as I read (if this doesn't sound too cheesy :-), that I was being hugged by you all!

Jillly,

Thank you for your interest, and for taking the time to express such care and concern.

I'm really pleased that you too were able to experience such a special bond - with Ellie; which helped to sustain you during your illness. I'm so sorry that her life was cut so short; this must've been heartwrenching for you! It seems such a waste, doesn't it; that these absolutely beautiful creatures weren't able to experience growing old, and dying of old age (which I hoped and prayed would happen to T).

I appreciate your sharing about how you have also experienced the horror and helplessness of a choking loved one. I'm sure he/she knew how dearly they were loved, and hope the suffering didn't last for long.

Yes, I've been trying to focus away from this incident, and onto the fact that I'd been able to give him a little taste of (according to my brother) hamster heaven! He'd been neglected when I got him in February, so I decided to 'show him a wonderful time'. Since he'd never been out of his cage, I went for a complete indulgence by letting him roam around, all night on my living room floor! He used to go into 'grand prix mode' and run rings round me and every piece of furniture; he just blossomed and seemed so, so happy! (Just writing all this is making me feel loads better)!

It's so true, thanks - the whole horrible incident was a complete accident, and intended only as a token of love to the wee thing (who adored all 'goodies' like this tagliatelle, which I won't have in my house for a long time!) It's possible, that if I had managed to pour some water down his throat, this might still not have saved him.

I thank God that you chose to pay a visit to the site when you did :-), your notes are a real Godsend :-)

How did you manage to get thru the whole business of burial and making a grave, etc? I've found a spot for Toty near a local pathway which runs thru Edinburgh, and have put a heartshaped line of stones on top of it so far. I hope to maybe plant something like heather there, come the spring.

I wonder if you'd like to share a bit about your unusual experiences and coincidences this year (but it's ok if they're too personal :-) - that's so special about your 'warm glow' etc! I'm hoping that, God willing, I'll have a dream soon about Toty being happy and at peace in his new 'home'.

Take care,

Love Marlene
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Parmachu,

I too thought that Toty looked very special in some way; it's lovely to read that you noticed this also! Thanks for taking the time to write me that wee, warm, perfectly-timed note of comfort!

If you have time, it would be nice to read about your special beastie; but if not, no probs :-)

Thank you for your friendship,

Love Marlene
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AngelBaby,

Thank you for so much sharing about your experience with your daughter's hamster passing away. It was lovely to read that you cared about and missed him (even tho he wasn't your pet).

I shall ponder on what you wrote about our love for each other being eternal; it's a very comforting thought and one that's really helping me right now :-)

With appreciation,

Love Marlene
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Cathi,

Thank you for your support; you've timed it perfectly! I really appreciate your taking the time to write to me on Christmas day!!

I also have had guinea pigs, and they're gorgeous beasties too! One used to lick my finger, and the other actually gave me a paw!

Take care and hugs to you,

Marlene
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Ps J, P, A and C - please feel free, if you like and have the time, to tell me about some of the special times that you had with your beloved beasties.

I just wanted to say that you should have that adorable photo of your Tuty as your avatar (like my Sasha is at the left of my posts). If you don't know how to do it (like me), the administrators would be happy to do it for you, they did it for me!
Kim

Sorry Toty, I didn't mean to spell your name wrong little man .

Pamurchu,

Oops, apologies for mixing up the letters a bit in your name :-)

Toty's mum x

Dear (((((Marlene))))):

I had started on a couple of occasions to write you a note about your GORGEOUS & PRECIOUS LIL' GUY....TOTY .
What an absolute love & sweetheart.

I am soooooooo sorry to hear of your pain....
I can see that you have received a lot of wonderfully helpful replies from all the of very special people & friends here at LS....
That little treat you gave your sweet Toty, was just that....
And, for some reason, a terrible accident happened.

But, it wasn't your fault AT ALL..........and, I KNOW that lil' Toty DOES NOT PUT ANY BLAME ON YOU....
He only sends you love, that I am truly sure of...
And, Toty will always live on in your heart....

Each time I tried to start writing a post to you, I had to stop, because when I was 12, I let a beautiful little hamster into my heart.
His name was "Snoopy" .....
He was brown & white and oh sooooo very, very gorgeous.

I loved him sooooo very much...

I had him for 2 years, until his death. I was 14 when he died.

I've never talked about my special "Pheeoopy" (I said it in a high pitched voice, and he understood that call was for him... ), here at LS.
It was always much too difficult for me to share this horrible story....
But, when I see your sweet Toty's eyes....in them, I do see my Snoopy's, so I feel as if I can now share my story.

We ALWAYS had furcats in our house, and this time was no different, back in 1972...Our beautiful cat's name was Sandy .

As much as we ALWAYS kept his air vents to Snoopy's habitrail secure, somehow he got out - (perhaps he was helped a bit by Sandy's (our cat), nails)....

I will never, ever, ever forget seeing Snoopy, as he lie on my cold, wooden bedroom floor - lifeless, with no head, and no arm. Extremely traumatic!!!

I was out of school for more than a week.

ONLY TRUE LOVERS OF ALL ANIMALS THAT WALK, RUN & SMIM THIS GREAT PLANET CAN ONLY UNDERSTAND !!!! aren't we all a LUCKY GROUP???

I loved him so much, and Snoopy loved & trusted me!

Sandy was on the top ledge of our stairs, and he was "licking his chops", and I was hysterically crying and so distraught...I did throw him down the stairs.....
(I am sorry Sandy).<<--You were a very special boy, too.

Now that I'm a lot older, and understand relationships between animals MUCH MORE, he most likely "instinctually" did what some cats would do -- and, he was probably jealous.
And, I will always be sorry -- for everything.

But, Snoopy will ALWAYS & FOREVER HOLD A VERY, VERY SPECIAL BIG PIECE OF MY HEART.

Even though it has been 31 YEARS since that has happened, the love & feelings that I have for my sweet lil' "Pheeoopy" will always remain tucked right inside my heart!!
I can see him right now in my mind with big, huge puffy cheeks (stuffed with seeds, of course... )

I want to go ahead and read all of your posts, Marlene. I really want to hear about your darling Toty, and how happy that you made one another...
Perhaps now I'll be able to free myself of the guilt & pain that I've been harboring for many years; and talk about my "littlest wee boy!"

Wishing you peace & love & many hugs on your journey, Marlene....
We will always be here for you!!!!!

God Bless You & Yours, Always!!!

Love, Denise xo

p.s. I hope that Toty and Snoopy are together up at Rainbow's Bridge. That's a
nice thought!!

Denise

I cried when I read your words this morning, they are so moving!

I'm really tired and must crash for now, but this is just to say 'Hi' and thank you so much for writing - watch this space tomorrow!

Love from I miss Toty