My Beautiful Sweet Girl, My Maddy Girl,

I am so sorry you suffered so much. I know you were trying to be strong for me. You never cried, you never winced but I knew...I knew you were in pain. You are the bravest girl, momma, and I love you. I am sorry I never took you to Tucson, to find out if you really had cancer. I just wanted to believe that you didnt, baby. I could not stand the thought of you leaving me and now I just want to die without you. I am sorry, bab. I am so so sorry. Please forgive me for being so weak. We had so much to do still-I wanted to take you to the beach and to the mountains. I sleep with your blanket every night, Maddy. I can still smell you, momma. Please come back baby. Please, Maddy, please come back. I dont know how to stop crying, Maddy. I look at your pictures, I remember your smell. I think of all the silly things you did, like getting underneath my hair when I was blow drying upside down. You are my world, baby. ANd I dont want to let you go. Tell me you are ok, Maddy, somehow, tell me. Please. This pain, Icant take it. I never thought I would lose you so quick. You are my heart and soul and I miss you. Its been 2 days and I cant function. I work and cry inbetween offices. I need you back, Maddy. I love you

Dear ((((Maddy's mom)))):

I am sorry to hear about Maddy , and I do understand your pain.
Sending many hugs to you!!!

I think back to 2 days after our girl was put to sleep -- I couldn't eat, sleep, I couldn't stop crying, I was miserable --
And, I missed Ernestine more than words can say....

The only thing that I could do was sit at my computer, and stay right here at Lightning-Strike --- I just kept rambling, typing - not sure if I was making sense at all...

But, I received sooooo much love, support & understanding here...
So, this is where I stayed for a very, very long time.

Crying is soooo normal -- and, the tears that you shed are healing tears....
So, please, when you feel like crying -- you just let those tears fall.

And, when you need a friend to talk to who understands your pain, please come here. Everyone here at LS was more than instrumental in my healing, and I will always be very, very grateful.
Feel free to PM or e-mail me, if you would like.

Maddy WILL ALWAYS BE IN YOUR HEART!!! Please remember that.
And, your very special memories of her will never, ever be taken away....

God Bless You!!

You are in my thoughts and in my prayers,

Love, Denise

I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful girl Maddy. Your post made me cry. I feel your pain too.
It is so hard especially when it has only been a couple of days. I was not funtioning two days after my little Toffee was gone. I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. I couldn't eat and felt like I didn't have a life anymore. (I lost 15 lbs.) Take heart, your pain will lesson as time goes by. It has been 3 months for me. The worst part is not knowing if they are ok. If we could just know that one thing it would lighten the sorrow! That is my focus now. I've got to have a message from my baby that he is happy. I won't let go. The most important thing for me was seeing his name everywhere. Write "I Love You, Maddy" on a prominent place for everyone to see - inside and outside. Make a memorial and light a little candle and say "Though this small flame is hard to see, I spark of light to you from me." Bless you. Try to get some sleep. Ask Maddy to come to you in a dream - that will make it easier for your mind to want to sleep.