After 14-1/2 years with my beautiful little Nikki - a blue-eyed Siberian Husky - my husband and I had to make the most painful decision of our lives. About a month ago, Nikki became very ill and the vet informed us that the small tumor on his liver that was found a year ago had grown to cover his entire liver and was pressing on his abdomen and other organs. We took him to specialists at Tufts and they confirmed that it was inoperable and we could only keep him as comfortable as possible. Although the list of health problems grew, he seemed to be doing okay and I actually thought by some miracle that the tumor would go away. On Saturday, our whole family went in the back yard to take our family Christmas picture, and he was perfectly fine. On Sunday, he couldn't get up. He stopped eating and drinking. We had to carry him outside to relieve himself. It progressively got worse and my husband begged me to put him out of his pain. I refused still thinking that by some miracle he would get better. Tuesday night, we stayed up with him all night listening to him moan and watching him literally unable to lift his head I knew there was no hope and pleaded with my little Nikki to let go and go to sleep but it just didn't happen. By morning, I just couldn't watch him in pain any longer and brought him in to the vets.

I'm so sickened by what we did and am wracked with guilt. I love my baby more than anything and cannot stop crying. He came with me everywhere and we always planned everything around him. If he couldn't go, we wouldn't go. He was truly my best friend and I miss him so desparately. But now I sit up at night thinking crazy things like how cold he must be outside (where we buried him). Or if he knows we did everything we could. But what is crazier is what's been happening over the past two days since his death. Yesterday while driving on the highway, there was a rainbow in the shape of circle around the sun -- no rain or snow, just partly cloudy. I've never seen a circular rainbow in my life. Last night, one of my Christmas music boxes turned on on it's own. Then at 4:00 this morning I woke up, and as I opened my eyes, one of lights in the window turned on. Tonight my husband got Chinese food for dinner -- boneless spare ribs and chicken were Nikki's FAVORITES, and as soon as we put the food on the table, both my husband and I heard Nikki's tags shake.

We're both very sane people and never thought much about afterlife, but are completely freaked over these happenings. Have others experienced things like this too? I would love to believe he is letting us know he is okay (or telling us we made a huge mistake?), but wondering also if in our intense grief that our imaginations are running wild. Please share any similar experiences or of any books on this subject.

I am sorry for your loss. Yes, it's very hard to let go and euthanize a furkid but it's part of our unwritten pact with them to keep them from pain. I've written in this section about my experience with Daddy Cat after his death. Suffice it to say that I know that their spirits do continue after death. I don't understand the details but our furkids are still existing in some form and can communicate with us under some cir%%stances. My own belief is that they come back to console us or to just let us know that they appreciate the lives they had with us.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I feel your pain and wish you peace even if just for a moment at this time. I will think of you and keep you in my prayers.

dear lost and lonely; that is the way i feel at this moment, too. be thankful that you have 14 1/2 wonderful years of memories of your Nikki. i'm certain that there is some sort of a joyful existance for our beloved friends and they are running healthily and happily somewhere, perhaps at that circular "bridge" you saw. i am also sure that they have boneless spare ribs and chicken (also spaghetti and ramen noodles; they were my boy's favorites)! if you haven't already , please go back and view kim r.'s post from dec. 16. maybe that will be of some comfort and if it is possible, another way you can feel closer to your best friend, Nikki. you are in my thoughts and prayers. ron in pa

I am so sorry for all the pain you are going through. Yes I totally believe there is an afterlife and that they are near us. When my Zody died, my computor suddenly came on by itself as I turned to stare at it wondering what had happened, I saw the wallpaper that I had on my pc, which was a pic of Zody. When Spicey died a stuffed animal that had been on top of my bookshelf for 1 1/2 years suddenly leapt off and bonked me on the head. I did a really stupid thing one day after Nymph died, I didn't close my front door properly when I left and when I came home my front door was open-I panicked thinking my 2 year old kitty was out and either lost or dead on the road. By some miracle he was actually in my kitchen. I believe Nymph's spirit somehow kept him from going out.

Check out my post from I think back in October-the Himalayan Blue Poppy. It was a little miracle and completely makes me think that Zody is around and sending me messages when he can, sometimes we just have to listen.

We may have lost their warm furry bodies in our lives but their spirits and all the love is still with us. The love doesn't die.

Hello: I am new to this site and how it works, so forgive me - I tried to send you an e-mail but I don't know if it worked.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through, having been through it myself countless times and with so many other people who come to me for help. What caught my eye on your post was your question on animal afterlife. I do not know your personal religious beliefs, but as a minister I can tell you that the Bible has specific guidance on this and animals are indeed "safe". While they need no reconciliation, they are innocent creatures who possess souls in the Biblical sense of "essence" (the Hebrew word Nephesh). I have an article that I wrote that explains it in detail - just e-mail me and I will send it to you. I am attempting to attach it here, but am not sure it will work. Either way, I am sure it will settle your questions.

May God bless you during this difficult time.

gary kurz, gkurz007@aol.com, Author, Cold Noses at the Pearly Gates

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you've been able to cope ok and feel the warmth of your memories with Nikki.
I do believe that our animals comunicate to us. We put our beloved Rocky cat down on Jan 22. He was 13 and was suffering from heart failure. About two days later I was walking down a hallway in my house when all of the sudden the overwhelming smell of cat food (cat chow to be specific) came over me. Where I was in the house was not near the food bowl (I have another cat). Well Rocky loved to eat and when I'd pick him up to kiss him, he'd smell like cat chow.
I stood there for a minute and thought I'd lost my mind. But then I realised that it was Rocky, letting me know he was there. I haven't smelled it again since but it did give me some comfort to know he was there in spirit.

PETLOSSAUTHOR,
Your article was extremely comforting to me. I am a christian, and have always believed that our animals will be with us in the afterlife, but I am also human, and have times that doubts creep in, so for now those doubts have been extinguished, and I thank you for that.
If you will, can you give me your opinion on another thing that, as a christian, really haunts me? I had to have my girl euthanized. Although I did it because it was best for her, I feel like a murderer! Does God view me as a murderer as well? What seperates me from any other 'killer' in this world....in the end, I took her life ( or at least allowed it and held her while it happenned...same thing) .

First, I'd like to thank everyone for your kind words. It's been almost two months since Nikki has been gone and as you may have experienced, everyone I know thinks I should be "over it" by now. Actually, it's now worse than the first days without him. I am so haunted by euthanizing him and the thought of him buried. I have so many wonderful memories of our life with him, but can't get past his final days in my mind. And after the few things that could possibly have been signs from Nikki, there has been nothing. I'm just so incredibly sad. Sometimes I think I want another dog because it's so quiet without the click of his nails, but don't want to feel like I'm replacing him. And I don't even think it would help me feel better.

Anyway, thank you again. It was comforting to hear others that had experienced similar feelings or signs that their furry friends had come to visit. My thoughts are also with you who have been through losses of your own.

Well, as another "mom" whose girl has been gone for 2 months now, I can totally understand that you're not over it by now, although everyone around me thinks I should be. And I can relate to how it hurts almost more now than at first. Getting used to the idea of a whole life ahead of me without one of my furbabies has been the hardest adjustment - the total finality of it seems almost too much to bear at times. After my first cat died back in 2001, I got another cat 2 weeks later, and I've never regretted it because I just needed to have that furry companionship. Everyone is different, though, and although I know it helped me to adopt other pets after Heidi passed, I can appreciate how you might feel reluctant to do the same. Because for me now, after my Magic died 2 months ago, I sometimes look at my 5 other cats and think I'll never get over it if I lose one of them, especially if I'm having such a difficult time adjusting to Magic's passing. It's a real dilemma, which I don't think I fully appreciated til just recently. Even so, I believe that all my pets have come to me for some reason, and having them, in spite of the potential pain one day, is a gift to my whole family.

I guess what I mean to say is - There is no time-table for grief, no charts to follow or rules to obey. It is something that forms us into the people we're meant to be. I would consider myself a religious person, and I realize other people may not agree with my views, but I also feel strongly that one day we will be together again with our pets, and until then, they will watch over us, whether we sense their presence or not. They will, just as they always have, forgive us for anything we think we may have done to hurt them, and they understand, more than most people, about unconditional love, and they accept us with our frailties and uncertainties, and without question or regret.

I'm sorry that Nikki has gone from your life physically. I feel that even if he doesn't always let you know, his spirit is always around, and he appreciates your great love for him. I don't know if all of that makes sense or not, but I've found some comfort in thinking that way about my own departed pets. Please be kind to yourself, and take care - Barbara

I had my baby euthanized as well, and, although it was a difficult and painful decision, I know I made Soshi's passing much easier. She was a beautiful, but stubborn, girl, and I think she might have held on for the rest of that day. She was having horrible seizures, and I knew that helping her go would be the loving thing to do.
It still hurts to think of her so sick, so when I do, I try to think immediately of her when she was well. She is now!
She has visited - I heard her meow. My mom says now I have a kitty angel to watch over me.
I like to think, too, that my grandma is taking care of her.
I could be true!
Take care,
Brandy

When we had to put my dog, Tyler, to sleep, my son was almost 18 months old. He's going to be five in July now and when my Nadir was killed in December, my son started telling me that he saw Nadir with Tyler. I never even mentioned Tyler's name in front of my son, but maybe someone else did, I don't know. Regardless, my son told me how big Tyler was, told me about his white fur and the funny way it grew, told me about his floppy ears, and even his pink nose. Now I don't know whether or not my son ever saw pictures and just put two and two together, but there were a lot of details and I personally think he did see the dogs together. What's not to believe?

Don't feel bad about putting Nikki to sleep...it's the kindest way of all. Cancer also made it so I had to put my Nedo to sleep. The day before, was the worst. We cried all day and couldn't sleep at all. I felt unbelievebly guitly but Nedo let me know it was okay with her at the last minute.

We had the Vet come to our house for this, and we were laying on the bed petting and talking to her as the first needle was given. We kept cuddled up to her as the last needle was given and just as my heart was breaking we heard the most beautiful thing, Nedo started to purr. My baby slowly died purring. At first I thought I was imagining it but I immediatly said "Oh my God...is she purring?" and my fiance heard it too. In her final moments she let us know that she wasn't scared, or in pain, she was at peace.

Please don't feel guilty about Nikki. He's happy and healthy now and he misses you, but he knows that you'll be together again.

I am so sorry for your loss but rest assured you will know soon it was the right thing for you to do. Now about the afterlife I have not posted for fear of being told Im nuts but a few things have happened in the first weeks that followed her death. First I had a dream that she was in a kinda hospital setting like a nursery where I could look through a window there were people in there taking care of the dogs well..... later I had read that sometimes when they are very sick they go to rest and regain their strength. Then had another dream she was on my lap I was kissin her nose but on the other arm of the chair was another Tillie? Not sure what that dream ment. Now for the strangest of all and some may think this is nothing but I am going to put a pic of Tillie here and another picuture I took 4 weeks later the day we brought our new puppy home not to replace her but it felt so strange NOT having 3 dogs in the house. Anyway this other pic is of my 15 yr old collie and my son just wanted to get extra pictures of my dogs can never have enough right? If you look over the ear of my collie you will see a couch there was nothing on the couch but I do think it is sunshine in the shape of my tillie to tell me mom I am here.

Ok here goes here is tillie before I will have to do another post of the sprit tillie

This is the one I am talkin about

What a beauty!

I've also been having second thoughts about an after life for animals. I'd like to imagine a happy fun little place where they are all happy but that just wouldn't work for my Nedo! She hated everyone but me and my fiance. With me she was the biggest suck, and had to be on me at all times. Her heaven was me...playing in my hair, snuggling in my arms or curled in my lap. I know her...she wouldn't be happy anywhere but with me, and I'm still here.

When Daisy was euthanized (there is no nice word for it) last Saturday, I felt that it was the last act of love I could do for her. Despite the fact that there was no hope and she was dying and in pain, I still feel guilty. I believe in an afterlife and tend to think that beloved pets wait for us to enter into eternity. When my time comes, I hope to hear Daisy's bark and see her running to greet me. I know I will never see her on earth again, so this is my only hope.


Daisy's Mommy

I am hoping and praying that infact there is a safe, warm, loving place that my Crystal has gone to. I hope there are lots of treats and children to play with. I hope she knows how much I miss her and love her. How lost I am without her!

I would give anything to get some sort of sign, communication, anything from her to let me know that her spirit is happy and healthy. You should consider yourself fortunate and find comfort in knowing that she is checking up on you and letting you know she is doing okay.

My prayers are that she will come to me in dreams, but so far I have not gotten past the haunting images of her death.

Do you think she knows how hard I tried to save her and the miracles I prayed for? Do you think she forgives me not being able to perform a miracle and make her healthy?

I MISS HER!!!!

I believe in an afterlife for all living things. Animals are more pure of spirit than we are. I have no doubt that we will all be reunited. I also think that Oswald's spirit is still here. He used to lie by the bathroom sink. Since he was diabetic, I left the water dribbling a bit for him. There is a warm spot that starts about 8 inches above the tile by the sink. There isn't one on the other side and if the lights are causing this, there would be one there, too. I don't think he has moved on towards the light yet, but that he eventually will.

I noticed that some members had joined 1995. May I ask you if you don't mind, does the pain ever go away even just a little bit? I lost my baby LuckyNono April 7 and since then, it seems like nothing matters anymore. My husband had to beg me to eat. The most painful thing is I missed looking at her pretty face every morning. She's the first one that I say good morning to. It seems like the most logical thing for me now is to be with my baby. I know I have my other dog Ferguson but I am thinking that he will be loved even when I am gone. Does this make sense? To wish that I will be with my baby by not eating or taking meds?