Dearest SETH,

We got to share an extra 71 days with you, 71 days that we were not supposed to have. Thank-you for fighting so hard that we had those extra days, i just wish i had been able to find a cure so that all of your fighting was not in vain.

On April 25, 2005 I rushed our cat Seth to the vet's. He had bloated up and was not acting like himself. Our vet could not figure out what was going on. His chest had filled with fluid and the fluid had started to leak into his belly. The vet's thought at that point he only had 2 - 3 days to live. To begin with they thought it was FLV, but the tests came back clean. Then they thought it was cancer, so we paid to have special cancer med's brought in. The med's didn't work. Through this whole time Seth fought. The cat that was supposed to live only 2-3 days kept going and going. He ran, he played, he cuddled, he still got into everything. The vet kept saying that if we didn't know any better, they wouldn't think he was sick.

On the first day that Seth was sick, the opinion had been thrown out there that this could be heart failure. But no one could see why a healthy cat of 4 1/2 years would be experiencing heart failure. When none of the treatments were working to heal him, our vets pulled a lot of favors and were able to get us into the best ultrasound and cardio vet in Canada. We took Seth down to Calgary on June 30/ 2005. There we finally got our answere. Seth had a very rare condition. He was experiencing right sided heart failure. For some reason the right side of the heart stops being muscle and starts turning into fatty tissue. The same condition exists in humans as in the cat. There is no cure, no idea how to reverse or stop the damage done to the heart, and no way of knowing what causes it.

We brought Seth home from Calgary. He was still Seth, though now we knew his time was coming and nothing, short of a heart transplant, would stop what was to happen next.

On July 3, 2005, just days after finding out what was wrong with him, Seth lost his battle. He fought so hard through those 71 days, he stayed long enought so that we knew what was taking him from us.

I miss him still everyday and i can't stop crying tonight as i write this. I wish there had been a cure, i wish i had more time, i wish i had loved him even more. He was my little boy and i will always love him.

Seth sent my husband and i and his kitty siblings a gift though. 1 1/2 months after he passed the vet called asking if we wanted another kitten. Tommy acts so much like Seth, it scares me sometimes. And i don't know if Seth has come back, or if he is just letting me know that he is okay and that everything will be fine, but i know something is up.

I'm glad we fought so hard for Seth. We spared no expense. I know in my heart that no matter what i did, God wanted my little boy, and that is one power you just can't beat.

I'll see you soon Seth. I love you and miss you terribley!

Love always, your Mommy

Dearest Seth,

Moments go by where the thought of you brings me to tears, and moments go by where thoughts of you make me smile. You were mommy's little man, my baby bogus! I miss seeing you by the window when i come home from work. I miss having you sleep on the toliet while i take a shower. I miss feeling you walk on me at 2 am before you lay down on my back and sleep for the night.

Benson and Savannah miss you too! Benson still calls for you some times and Savannah misses being cleaned. No one gives her a good tongue bath like you did my boy!

Daddy has still taken this all the hardest though. The whole time you were ill he had such a faith that it would be something that we could fix and that you would be with us for a long time. The day you went to rainbow bridge, daddy finally broke and let it all out. But, of course you know all of this, because you have been watching down on us!

You would have loved Tommy! I don't know if your talking through him Seth, and telling us that everything is okay and will be okay -- but you have me wondering my boy! He is the only cat who is fixated on Daddy's glasses the same way you were! If this was the only thing that he was doing that you also did i could write it off, but there are so many things the same, that you have me wondering Seth!

I still look to the sky were we let your balloons go with your letters a week after you passed away! I know that you are looking out for me and telling me "Mommy it's okay, we will be together again." I'm trying my hardest to be the best human i can be so that we can be together again one day my boy!

I miss you!
I love you!
Love always,
Your Mommy

Dearest Seth,

Christmas is days away and i can't believe that you are not here to share it with us! I keep finding myself looking under the tree for you. But, you are not curled up under it like years past.

I'm trying to enjoy the holiday. I'm trying to stay positive and to remember that you are in a better place now. One where there is no pain, no suffering, no illness. One where your heart is perfect and will always be perfect!

Even walking out the back door makes me sad. Snow is on the ground and i miss watching your wild dash out the door and jumping into a snow bank.

I bought your daddy a Christmas tree kitty ornament and i repainted it to look like you and added a halo and a set of angel wings. I know that he will love it and then there will always be a little piece of you beneath our Christmas tree.

I know you are doing great, where ever you are! I just wish you could have stayed forever with us! Sadly, that's a Christmas wish that could never come true.

Six months has just about passed since daddy and i held you in our arms for the last time at the vet's office while you breathed your last breath. I can't believe you have only been gone six months, then again it didn't feel like 4 1/2 years that you were with us either. Time is all relative.

Merry Christmas my sweet little boy. My heart is so heavy because you aren't here to share it with us. But i know you will looking down on us! I hope its the same time i will be looking up for you!

I love you, I miss you, I wish you were still here with me,

Love always and forever,
Your Mommy

Hello Baby Boy,

Six months, six whole months have passed since i held you in my arms. My mind still wonders just how you could be gone.

So many little memories have come flooding in today.

I remember when you came home to be with us. I remember that in three days you made Benson forget about being an only child, and became his baby brother. I remember how you used to walk out on your daddy's shoulders all the way down to his out stretched hand. I remember the soft thump of blueberry muffins hitting the floor, still warm from the oven, but now with little tiny nibbles out of them!

I remember you racing outside to run around your yard. I remember falling asleep on the couch and always waking up with you sleeping on top of me!

I remember you wearing that silly cone on your head for 11 days while your foot healed. You looked so happy when we finally took it off. You just melted into daddy's arms on the couch and went to sleep. The expression on your face was priceless. "Finally, that stupid thing is off my Head!"

Sad memories strike me too though.

I remember when you first looked sick to me. I remember staying up all night with you, watching to see if there was any change. I remember when they dropped the dose of some of yours med's and it looked like whatever was going on, was getting better. I remember the feeling of helplessness when we realized it wasn't getting better and we didn't know what was wrong.

I remember the drive down to Calgary to see the specialist. You pranced all over that car. You loved car rides so much. I remember the tears falling down my face as the specialist told us the truth, it was right sided heart failure and there was no cure. I remember crying all the way back from Calgary. Pulling over in a field, getting down on my knees and asking God "WHY?" and begging him to fix this because he was the only one who could now. Begging him for more time together!

I remember July 2, 2005. You were perfect. Still running around outside and inside. Still playing the jumping game and cuddling with anyone whos butt hit a chair! Eatting blueberry muffins and shrimp because the doctors had told us to give you whatever you wanted. I didn't know how little time we had left together. I would have stayed up all night long just watching you sleep had i known my little boy!

July 3, 2005. I woke up to med you like i had to every morning since you had become sick. You med'd great as usual and ate good that morning. But, at 9 am, when you went to go to the bathroom, i could see something had changed. You would take two steps then lay down to rest. Your heart, which had fought for so long, was losing the battle. I remember watching you for the next hour. You couldn't lift your head all of a sudden and you just laid there. I remember calling the vets. I remember sitting in the house with you and your daddy, waiting for the time the vet had said to meet him at the office. I remember knowing that we were losing you and that there was nothing more we could do. I remember laying with you on my couch and begging you to stay a little longer, begging God to let you stay with us.

I remember being with you in the vet's office. I remember the vet saying that your heart was no longer beating normally. I remember him saying that it was time. I remember telling him that i needed to be there with you. You had been with me since you were 6 weeks old, i would not leave you now when you needed me most! I remember asking the vet right before he gave you the needle, if he was sure that there was nothing more we could do for you. I remember my heart breaking as he said no, we had done everything that we could and there was nothing left. I remember my heart shattering when he said you were gone.

Never again would you be waiting for me when i came home. Never again would i wake up with you laying on my sleeping. Never again would i hear the soft thump of blueberry muffins as they hit the floor, once you were done snacking on them. Never again would i watch you play the chase game with Benson and Savannah. Never again would i watch you sleep under the christmas tree. Never again would i be able to see you nap with your daddy on the couch on a Sunday afternoon. Never again would i be able to just hold you and tell you i love you to your face.

I miss you so much Seth. I want you back so bad! I know this can never happen, but i wish so hard that it could. I want my baby Sethers back in my arms once more!

I lit two candles for you in your garden last night, and i will do it again tonight.

I'm sorry that you couldn't stay with us longer. We were supposed to have a long life together, but i guess that was my plan, not Gods.

Thank-you for the 4 1/2 years we spent together. Thank-you for packing them full of loving memories. I will try to focus more on the happy one than the sad ones!

I know that you are whole now, where ever you are. I know that you are healthy and happy. I just wanted to let you know, that i still miss you with all of my heart! I love you Seth, i always will.

Always in my heart you will be,
Love always,
Your Mommy.







Seth

For weeks we fought to keep you,
We didn’t want to let you go.
You were our little man,
How we loved you so.

We took you to Red Deer
To Calgary we went.
Through all of this you fought,
Your life was not yet spent.

Then came the day we feared,
The day none of us can forego.
It was time for you to leave,
Though we loved each other so.

You were brave till the end,
You never showed any fear.
You knew you’d be okay,
Though we really missed you down here.

Thank-you for the time we had together,
Thank-you for being true.
And though it hurt to say so long,
We will always love and remember you.