Hello, I hope this shows up, I have never been to this site before. My sister is 50 years old and married, no children. She had a little Maltese dog whom she loved so very much. She lives a very quiet life, mainly alone during the day, and he was her constant companion... and I do mean constant. We were both wrecked by our childhood and we both tend to be isolators from people. She does have a happy marriage but, the days while her husband is at work were long and lonely for her until 6 years ago when she got her two puppies. She was very emotionally close to them, and even cooked their meals, one of the dogs had allergies and needed a special diet so she just cooked for both. She was the type who'd even never give them the usual treats from a grocery store, they only got the best! I guess you could say she spoiled them rotten, but she loved doing it and of course they loved it too. Well about 2 years ago, the dog with the severe allergies passed away due to immune system complications. Of course it was devastating. But today, a true nightmare occurred. My sister was always 100% conscientious about her dogs. Very careful, very cautious, always keeping them safe. She was taking her remaining dog into the groomer, carrying him-- he was only about 4 pounds I think, so she usually did carry him, and she sat him down at the doorway (he was timid and always stayed at her feet). She opened the door and they both stepped inside the groomer's, and then for some reason he bolted out and into the parking lot. She panicked and screamed for him to come back, he turned and looked at her, she screamed for him again, but he shot off into a busy street and was hit by a car or cars, and killed. I don't know too much more than that. I think it was as much as she was able to talk about yet.
I am so worried for her, she's a very sensitive person and she really loved that dog enormously. Aside from her marriage her life basically revolved around the dog(s). She's blaming herself for putting him down at the doorway-- an unusual thing for her to ever put him down, as I said he was a tiny dog and she always carried him. She can't figure out WHY she even put him down at all. She's also blaming herself because when he turned and looked at her in the parking lot, she was still panicking and calling him in sort of a screaming voice, and she wishes she had kept her head and knelt down and gently tried to coax him back instead. She blames herself for screaming also because she thinks she just stressed him more and might have actually "made" him run towards the street. It is just horrible. I mean it is HORRIBLE. Can you imagine witnessing your precious little dog run into traffic and be killed? A little guy that you have always pampered and protected and loved and felt VERY RESPONSIBLE for? My sister is the MOST conscientious pet owner on Earth, and I am just so angry that this had to happen to her. Many people are so irresponsible about their pets, yet this happens to her. It is so unfair and I am very angry. But this post isn't about me. How do I help my sister? What do I say? I have told her it wasn't her fault, it was an accident, it was a tragic event. She still says she was responsible for the dog and thus, it was her fault. The guilt is going to tear her up. The vision of watching her dog get run over is going to tear her up. The loss of him is going to tear her up. I just don't know what to do, I've been looking at pet bereavement websites all night long. I've lost pets myself and while they were horrible experiences, I have children. I loved my dogs but, they were dogs. I am not minimizing the grief though-- I actually do still grieve over the loss of my last dog 9 years ago.. but my sisters dogs ARE her children.. so I just can't imagine how she feels. Especially the guilt. I asked her if she had some meds for her nerves or something and she said yes she does and it had occurred to her to just take the whole bottle. I am so worried. My heart aches and I want to help. How can I help? I remember reading somewhere that psychologists do recommend getting another pet as soon as possible. They don't replace the old pet of course but they teach us that life goes on... I would like to mention that to her but I don't want to sound callous. Well I am sorry that this is so long and thank you for reading, I desperately need some words of wisdom, some shared similar experiences etc. I am not sure how this message board works but please if you can help, post and also email to me at Suzanne0828@aol.com. Oh and to the poor fellow who left his dog out in the sun-- if you are reading, please don't blame yourself and gosh, don't allow your wife to blame or punish you for it either. It was an accident, an unfortunate event. Please try not to beat yourself up about it and/or allow anyone else to either. Regret... that is ok. We all do things we regret, we are only human, and we just have to learn to live with that and learn from that.. and go on. But blaming yourself is not ok. We can get "stuck" in self-blame. And sometimes when some people get angry they always have to look for someone or something to BLAME. But often, there IS no one to blame. It just happened. Period. Forgive yourself. Your wife needs to understand that and forgive you too, imho.
Thanks so much to all, hope to hear from some of you.
Sincerely,
Suzanne

Suzanne, please check your email - I sent a rather long and involved reply.

Until then, please be a sounding board for your sister - or bring her on here and we can all help. She must understand that THESE THINGS HAPPEN.

If she believes in God then she could perhaps be reminded that "God chooses when and how". If not, then talk to her about not going back and how she can't change the past.

I bet within a month she'll be looking in the windows of pet stores if you handle this right. And she sounds like a WONDERFUL Mom!!! Remind her of that!!! How great she was to them, how lucky they were to have her - and how lucky another puppy would be to have a new Mommy like her.

I like your sister have no children and lost my last dog in March, I had her put to sleep and have regretted it ever since and the guilt has been unbearable at times.
I was lucky I had my husband to cry with but the hardest thing was talking because every time you try to say something your throat contracts and your voice becomes very squeaky, yet you need desperately to say the words, that’s why so many of us turned to lightning strike because you can still type even through the tears, as I'm sure you have just found out.
How would your husbands feel if you spent some time with your sister or maybe the weekend and just listen and hold her and cry with her, but be careful not to step on her husbands toes he’s probably grieving too and might want to be the one that’s there for her, have a chat with him first to see if its ok for you to stay with her.
If she doesn’t have a computer maybe she could stay with you and you could leave her to poor her heart out to us.
This is going to take a long time so please be patient it has taken me four months and I'm still crying and feeling sad.
Personally I wouldn’t suggest another dog just yet, let her be the first one to mention it, but if she mentions taking those pills again point out to her that she cant do that as 1. Her little dog would not want her to
2. You would miss her too much
and in time 3. She could be depriving some poor little dog of a loving home in the future.
This Sunday past was the anniversary of loosing Jude and Sadie and my sister texted me from work 'keep smiling, love u lots x x x' not the same as hearing her voice but it meant the world to me because it showed she was thinking of me.

Keep telling her how much you love her, put mostly just let her cry and talk.
Good luck and keep us posted of her progress
Love Sue

First, you are a very sweet sister to understand your sister's grief and want to help. And I think that is the most important thing right now -- just understanding that she lost her kid and treating it as such. So you are doing the right thing so far.
I agree with Sue in regards to pushing another pet... You can't say to someone who loses their child "Make a new baby..." so just let her do that on her own time.
And love her and support her as you are doing.

--Jennifer

Suzanne, from my experience I would advise you to let your sister know that you want to listen to her and let her know that you feel grief for her dog as well as sorrow and sympathy for her. It can be a very lonely experience when a beloved pet dies. If a human relative dies everyone is sympathetic but when a pet dies some peoples reactions are (pardon the pun) simply pathetic ("get over it, it's just a pet" etc...)

When my beloved Kiri died 3 years a friend of mine was almost as distraught as I was. He had looked after both my dogs for me when I had been away on holiday and he knew how loveable they were and how much they both meant to me. It was very nice to feel that other people were also genuinely saddened by the loss of my little baby not just for my sake but for hers. It reinforces the feeling that your little friend was special and that is a very nice feeling. If you didn't know her dog well try to emphasise that you know how much her dog meant to her and that you could see that she must have been very special.

I am again living through the nightmare of losing a beloved pet. Last Friday I had my other beloved dog Lucky, put to sleep after 15 years of true friendship. I spoke to the same friend the week before and told him and he was again very upset and supportive. I am going to arrange to go for a few beers with him and I know that I can talk about it to him and he will really care. It means so much to have someone who genuinely shares your sense of loss.

I would also suggest that your sister logs into this website because I have found it really nice on both occasions to communicate with people who know and understand the feelings that your sister will be going through and are only too happy to listen and try to help. Ask her to log in and I am sure it will help her.