Today was super-tough. I work very close to my house, so I always walk home in my lunch hour as it only takes ten/fifteen minutes. But Dad had taken Mum out for a walk. I hadn't known they were going to do that; I don't think I'd have come home if I had, as much as I know I have to face it some day...because there were no handsome brown eyes waiting there for me. And that hit hard, very hard indeed. The words, "You wanna biscuit, buster?" were actually on my tongue for a moment in my confusion, before I started to cry.

I know these moments will get fewer and further between, but for the moment it's like a fresh cut; the slightest knock sets it bleeding again.

That will happen for a long while - indeed, that is often the hardest part of losing them - the void that's left.

It WILL get better in time - although it may never leave completely. Once your grieving eases, you may do what I did. Let another furry one take up a great big part of your space.

(((((((( awwwwww )))))))))))
I know that feeling too and frankly, it sucks.
Two days after Delilah left us, we took Teddy in the car with us. I dropped it off at the mechanics and walked home with Teddy. As I turned the corner to my street, I looked up at the window and forgot that she wouldn't be there waiting for us. I expected to see her happy face and to hear her barking.
It IS hard. It will continue to be hard. I'm so sorry.
(((((((( we're here for you! ))))))))))
lori

I feel with you. Its so hard to come home, even with another fur baby here, and have the house be empty! No matter what the chaos is here, I still feel like something is missing without my Zip. When I open the door to come it, only 1 bark makes its way to me, no multiple barks, no whining, and no licking of my leg as I walk in. I know your pain. Please keep posting with your grief, it makes me feel better too that I am not alone in this pain. ((((((Hugs to you)))))) Keep your head up.......Zippers momma

Today was a better day, thank heavens. Tuesdays, Mum is always out of the house, either at her chemo or, on alternate weeks, her day centre. So I made it easier on myself, as I knew in advance...I took a newspaper to Starbucks and treated myself to a caramel coffee and a pastry for lunch. I even managed to get an armchair free in there, something I've never been lucky enough to achieve on a weekend visit.

Sitting there, I made a tentative plan. Lord knows, I feel I badly need a getaway. I'm plotting a weekend away in the West Country, somewhere I've never been before. May Day is coming up in six weeks, with an accompanying 3-day weekend, and I know that especially in that part of the country the locals organise all sorts of country fairs, maypole dances, Morris dances, cheese-rolling and other such events with age-old pagan roots. It will be physically and emotionally refreshing to take myself down there on the train and get some country air and relaxation.

[little smile]

I think getting away would be good...

I have often seen Tim pet the furbabies in his sleep. He'll be snoring away and be stroking who ever wants it as he does (I imagine I do the same thing, but I wouldn't know!!!!). They work theirselves into our subconsciouses... We do things -- listen for them, call to them, look for them, check on them -- without even realizing it.

And it is the worst thing when those subconscious activities are FORCED into your conscious mind BECAUSE they are not there. You find yourself going to check on them and in one moment you realize 1) you are doing that and 2) you are not going to find them... it's heartbreaking every time.

Hopefully a little get away will help you recuperate and maybe start to break those habits. (Which are wonderful habits to have, but sometimes they hurt).

Love,
Jennifer

Dear Leda74,
Yes, it is very hard. There are times when you think that your baby is going to come running into the room where you are and you look up and expect to see them, then nothing. It is not fair. I am sorry to tell you but, it has been since November for me and right now, I am crying yet, again. I am crying for you and for everyone else here who has lost a loved baby, and for myself. Thanks to all here who know and understand. Just keep coming here, it is a great place.
My other baby, Spunky just woke up from sleeping on the couch. I mention this because I was wondering about something. More often than not, she wakes up and meows, almost as in fear or desparation, and looks around. So of course I come running to see if she is okay. I pet her and talk to her and tell her it's okay. Then she starts purring like an engine. It's like if you woke up from a bad dream and needed comfort. It's kind of scary. She has done this alot since we had Mittens put down. Hmmm..I don't know.
Thanks for listening.
Janice

Leda,
Yes, it is SO hard. After I lost my Little Girl on March 24, all I could do was stay in bed, for days. I had my laptop in bed with me, so I could be on this site (a Godsend), I watched "Lifetime" movies, and I slept. The first time I went out of the house was a painful experience. I could hardly stand coming through the door. My heart just broke. A "friend" who didn't understand said, "You've got to get out of the house!" ...But only the person experiencing the pain knows what they need to do.

Keep coming here. We're all in this together.
Love,
Kathy

p.s. I just realized your original post was from mid-March (when my Little Girl was still alive!!)