Hi all

i know this is not exactly about death or dying of a pet, but indirectly it is . My dog Picasso died Sept 29, 2004, since then i have felt, or atleast came to terms with it somewhat by saving other little dogs. Ive adopted a total of 3, one of whom was a 11 year old poodle who i adopted knowing he would die within a month or two, i just wanted to give him a last few months with a loving family, ( he lasted one week exactly) but it was a good week full of love, so i felt good about it .

well the problem is, we have one cat, and two dogs, well my husband bitches constantly about the amount of animals we have, i clean after them( he does help but i dont ask) and i work full time to pay for there needs.

Today i saw this huge cage for a guinea pig being thrown away, i thought hey ill get that and maybe adopt a guinea pig from petsmart, they are like $5 and they constantly have them up for adoption. Well my husband gets this huge attitude and starts screaming and yelling that he dont want a guinea pig and that im " not getting anymore pets, as long as im married to him" also in may he said i could have one for my birthday, i just didnt get one then i waited .....

also i should mention, the two other dogs ive adopted are fine, and the last dog i adopted Candy a min dauchsand he carries around and makes a huge deal of, kisses her belly and generally has taken her over, even tells me she is his dog.......

so basically he yells at me all the time about dogs, and he loves both of them, esp candy, so it really makes no sense, i always get to hear about the dogs, but yet he loves them ?

Anyhow I honestly cant see my life without alot of pets, its not that i dont respect what he wants, its just they are a HUGE part of my life and i get really down when i dont have little creatures to look after ( we dont have children, and he dont want those either) anyone have any advice how to handle this

thanks

amber

Hiya Amber, i think your husband is being really selfish ! He obviously knows you well enough to know how much you love your animals and what a large part of your life they are. Maybe hes feeling a bit neglected himself ? You need to make him realise that he would be changing the person you are if he made you stop what you are doing. Im not saying have a house full of animals, but as many as you can decently cope with, without it being total madness. He doesnt want animals, he doesnt want kids, does he care what you want ? Have a heart to heart and if all else fails, get rid of the husband and keep the animals !!! I think hes jealous.

I think what you need is to see a couples counsellor to get to the root of why he is yelling at you. It doesn't sound as though you two are making a "connection" in communication since you aren't sure why there is constant conflict.

I urge you to speak with a counsellor and him - or a third party who can mediate - to understand why this keeps occurring.

In the meantime, I'd drop the idea of a guinea pig and focus on keeping my present family working smoothly

I wish you well

My ex-husband was this way and it's very hard as an animal lover to understand why some people don't share that same kind of love.

I can remember clearly when my older dachshund (then 4) woke up one morning with a ruptured disc in his back. I rushed him to the vet, then to the vet school. (my mom drove us) I called my husband (now ex) on the way and told him that our vet had estimated that it would be about $1500 for his surgery if they thought he was a good candidate. I told him that the vet school required a deposit of half the estimated cost. He never flinched and said "Julie, it's a DOG! Just put him to sleep and I'll buy you another one!!!" I was livid. At that time, we had only been married a few years. We were struggling money wise but I made a committment to my animals to never abandon them. My mom was on her cell with my daddy when my ex said that and he heard me just *sobbing* in the background and asked her what was wrong. She told him and he said "you tell her not to worry. I've got some $ saved up for a rainy day and, well, it looks like rain!!" I got my love of animals from my daddy so it was no surprise he came to my rescue.

I've had a lot of people in the last few weeks tell me how crazy I was to have my Frankie cremated. Here in the south, cremation of humans isn't even a big thing. In larger cities it's widely excepted and used a lot of time for space/burial plot reasons. But here in the south, they just don't do it much and to do it for a pet makes me just about one of the strangest people around these parts.

I really don't have any words of wisdom for you honey. I do know how hard it is to be married to someone who isn't an animal person. Thank goodness my husband(now) isn't that way. Keep in mind he isn't as crazy about our pets as I am but he loves them and knows that it's my committment to these animals. I treat them with respect and dignity as I believe animals know the true meaning of unconditional love. Their love knows no boundaries. They always listen and never hold a grudge. If people were a little more like that, the world would be a much better place to live.

((((HUGS))))

Julie



Frankie 2/14/02-9/7/05

I'm so sorry to hear about what sounds like an extremely difficult situation. I have to agree that your husband is extremely selfish. He must have understood how passionate you are about animals, and it's not fair to expect you to change who you are. I have to agree that counseling seems like it would be helpful for the two of you to better understand each other. If he won't go, I would suggest going on your own. You need some help figuring out how to communicate your needs to your husband. If he doesn't care or doesn't try to understand, then I'd say he isn't worth keeping around!

I was very fortunate to have a husband who loves animals as much as I do. But, I was unfortunate that he and I couldn't make our marriage work for other reasons. I will remain single until I meet someone who can, at the very least, appreciate and respect my love for animals. Like you, I will never be without them!

Note to Julie: You are NOT crazy to have had your Frankie cremated. How insensitive and insulting for people to have told you this! YOU know what is best for you when it comes to mourning your loved one, and NO ONE should tell you how to go about it! I have had all three of my furbabies cremated (as many, many other people have), and it is a very comforting thing to have their ashes with me. I will probably eventually plant them with a beautiful tree, but for now, they are all sitting in pretty little boxes on my mantle and they give me some peace of mind. If somebody thinks that they way I handle my grief is somehow unacceptable, then that just shows how ignorant they are! At least you know that there are people on this website who understand!

Eliza

thank you for all your comments, i do agree he is a bit jealous. i think that may be a big part of it . today he has been totally decent. but thats after i went absolutely livid on him. I told him i work full time, i pay all the bills, he sits at home sleeping all day, im up at 6 am for work, and quite frankly i will have as many animals as i want


that i didnt need a BOSS , i didnt sign up for that, i just told him to back the hell off ........... you can do alot to me but when u start up on my animals its ON.....

so i will just keep what i have, and if a homeless small dog comes around, i will get it, even if i just foster so they are not perminant pets ..... i have to have little creatures .........

to be honest with you guys i think the jealousy is about 50% of it , the other 50% is he is a immigrant( from england) and does not have work permission yet, they have to give it to him by SEPT 28, thank god........... i think he sits around all day thinking up things to bitch about, he has been here since april, so he has had a while to do it, and he is finally voicing things

i base thinking he is jealous because of the way he acts, another instance is , he does not want me to spend any money on my dog stinky, i was buying stinky this little tshirt it was $2.49 at walmarts, and some treats that were 99 cents, and he threw them out of the cart when i was not looking , and when i realized and went to get them, he tried to have this huge public fight with me, which i find very low classed and embarrassing , so i was like just shut up, and stinky didnt get anything .........

anyhow its always stupid things he fights with me about, things that are so damn petty, i mean im glad we dont have some huge problem like infidelity or something but fighting with me over a $2.49 tshirt is more then i can take

thank you all for listening and letting me vent, im glad im among fellow pet lovers