Does it ever get easier the pain that one might feel ? Does your heart ever mend or do you feel empty as though something will always will be missing? I want to thank those who wrote to during the confusion, I know many may have read my site, about the horrible night when my sweet boy was murdered, by those who are driven by fear and ignorance of dogs. I was thinking about my sweet boy today, and how terrified he must have been and yet looking back and remembering he looked happy in his little eye, that would not close. Perhaps it was because I was there. I guess it could have been a lonely death , and yet me and Xena where both there. But now its been 5 months and I still cry. Could it be because I miss him that much or is the guilt that I feel because I was unable to save him? Never-the-less for me it might not be anything I will ever really truely get over. Thats why its great to have this site. Thanks everyone for letting me write my stories.

Hi Tina,

I remember when you first joined the group here at LS. It tore my heart out to read about the way your Boscoe baby was killed.

It's just been six months for me so I can't speak about "forever", but I believe you will probably always feel an emptyness. The constant pain from your loss may fade, but the hole thats left from losing Boscoe will remain. You will find other ways to be happy, some may even lessen the emptyness a little, but I think you'll always feel it to some degree.

There's no doubt you're probably feeling a combination of guilt and missing him. I know you've heard this before, but please, try to remember that the guilt is misplaced. It's not your fault. You had him in an enclosed area. You thought he was safe. You couldn't control the fact that the police wouldn't bother to help either. You were there for Boscoe in his last minutes, and from the way he responded to you, I know your being there made his passing a lot less frightening for him. He was with his family.

I've reached a point where I get along pretty well without Qorqui even though I still think about her every day. Most times I don't cry when I think about her anymore, and I am usually able to focus more on the happy times. There are still things that bring back the pain though, and I think there may always be.

I'm thinking of you, Boscoe and Xena on this 5 month mark.
Tim

(((((TINA)))))

I too remember you, and I believe that times does heal all wounds......but, there are still some wounds that might
always have a bit of a "nick" in them----and that wound could open up a bit more at some times...
I am sorry, very, very sorry for your pain & your hurt...

Five months ISN'T A LONG TIME AT ALL, Tina.... That can sometimes feel like a week, you know?? Remember to always feel your feelings.....cry when you need to. One day your tears will dry up....but, you will always think of your darling boy..... And then, out of nowhere, when we think of something that reminds us.....the tears come back.
But, we've all called them "healing tears".... Right?

BUT PLEASE, ALWAYS, ALWAYS & FOREVER KNOW THAT YOUR DARLING, PRECIOUS BOSCOE ANGEL ALWAYS FELT YOUR LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
SWEET BOSCOE ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE THERE FOR HIM......

And, as Tim just said......even in his last moments.....YOU, HIS MOMMY....WERE THERE!!! And, Boscoe will always love you, Tina!!

As Kathy - (LittleGirl'sMommy) has always said......... Your sweet baby is in a place now where there is only perfect, comforting & loving bliss!!! Picture your darling boy surrounded by Heavenly Angels at Rainbow's Bridge, with all of our furkids that have passed on........
NO MORE PAIN ANYMORE!!!! NO MORE SUFFERING......
Boscoe only knows peaceful, joyful happiness!!!

Thinking of you & Xena with only the most beautiful thoughts......

Love, Denise xo

I have just read your post and find that I have been asking myself the same questions - and already knowing the answer is for me that my life will never be the same - with each passing I change and within that change need to readapt my life to being here in that new way forever changed yet infinitely stronger spiritually ~ Death is one of the enigmas to me - how do I begin to feel joy again after this kind of a loss - only to have to face it again and again? The answer to me comes in the LOVE part - I know that sounds so 60's - yet I did learn this from my teen years during that time - in truth all we really need is the LOVE part - so easy to say - yet so hard to put into practice for me as I would rather go back to the way things were - predicatable and safe or so it seems ~ Now I worry so much about my CC - he is 13 now - I watch him like an over protective parent - which is natural but not good for either one of us ~ This life we lead such a journey - nothing like I thought it would be - I am thankful for people such as the ones I have found here in this community to make my journey less of feeling as if I am a stranger in a progressively stranger looking land as the years pass by ~ Yet in spite of all this I feel hope within my own spirit at the mystery of life and the very mystical areas that defy explanation and serve to bring me closer to my fellow travellers ~ thank you for sharing your feelings ~ I am not feeling as alone as I was earlier today. I miss Amber terribly ~ I have found ways to be closer to her spirit it is true but my human side still weeps in a valley of tears and my days are filled with questions still ~ Sincere Thoughts ~ and Thanks ~ Kathryn

I think for me anyways the pain is always there, that big hole in my heart is always there, but gradually memories of all of the love and the happy times comes to the forfront more and more.
For me the love is always there, it didn't die and neither did their spirits. So I always send my love out to my little furry darlings that are no longer with me in my day to day world but I know we always connected in the universe by that bond of love.

My girl Nymph just went this morning and the pain is overwhelming, I just miss her so much and want her furry warm purring body in my arms one last time. I will go shortly to the vet and bring them all that I have left of her, the little silver body that just looks as if she's asleep. I'm having her cremated and will spread her and Spicey, my little golden girl (who died 5 weeks ago) ashes on Thanksgiving weekend, so I can let them know how thankful I was to have them in my life.

I'm so sorry for your pain, it is something all of us on this forum share.

I'm very sorry that you lost your boy.

My dog died from sudden illness and I never got a chance to say goodbye to her. There was an EXTREME amount of guilt for me to work through. "She died alone." "How could I not see that she was ill." "I should have brought her in to the vet's sooner." "Why did I not insist that the vet let me see her." even "I killed her with negligence because I did not see that she was ill on time.' I've been past all of that for a long time.

She died in June, 2004. I can assure you that it most definitely gets easier. I can also assure you that you will always miss him, and that you will be changed forever. But yes, it gets easier. A LOT easier.