It has now been almost 3 days since We had to put Tico, our sweet husky to sleep. I have been crying alot. But I also am feeling so depressed. I don't want to do anything at all and just can't get interested in anything.

Every time I walk into a room, I expect to see him. Every time I walk outside, I think, "oh, I have to take Tico out."

I would give my soul for just one more day with him. I would have spent the entire day with him. I just long to touch his velvet ears again and his noble head.
This is soooo hard. I can't seem to get away from the guilt thing- I should have spent more time with him.

Did any of you feel really depressed?

Cathi

Cathi, i felt the same way. You feel as though there is nothing to look forward to and you want to just go to sleep and forget it ever happened. You'll feel like this for a while. Ive got two kids and am also pregnant at the moment and even that was clouded by what happened to my cat. So yes, it is normal when you have lost such a precious pet. I was also consumed by guilt, felt like i shouldve been there for her at the end (she was knocked down) just to give her a final kiss and cuddle and tell her i loved her, but as i couldnt do that, it really ate me up. Although you have the support of everyone on this forum, i feel we are still alone in our own personal grief, but each day will get easier, i promise. Your guilt will ease and you will start to look forward to life again.

Take care of yourself x

Dear Cathi,

I also had to put my beloved Bogie dog to sleep on the 8th. And yes, I am depressed, have no interest in much of anything right now. I have cried myself to sleep these nights and awakened with tears in my eyes. I am doing the same thing, thinking of all the routine things that went with Bogie's care and love and it's heart wrenching, so deeply sad, indescribable pain. Hang in there, is all I can say for now. As I said to Jim and Terri, it is too early for me to reassure anyone that "it will get better", but I am hanging on to that thought and will praise the day when I feel I'm better. YES!! Depression is normal. A part of grieving. Here I said with my opening post that I didn't have it in me to "give" to others, but yet yesterday I wrote to 2 other folks in here. So, maybe if we keep active in this support forum, it will help to know we are experiencing the same things, and be there for each other. Please don't be hard on yourself, let your emotions go. ME? I am going to work this AM with the puffiest eyes I have ever had. Try to take care of yourself (coming from one who didn't eat most of the weekend) I need to take my own advice.
Let us know how you are doing,
Sincerely Bogie's Mom (Beth)

Dear Cathi,

Your depression is normal. The first two weeks after Odin died were the worst. I wouldn't eat, the thought of food made me sick. I dropped a good 7-8lbs from lack of food. I couldn't sleep without the help of a sleepaid. The only thing that kept me going was work because it kept my mind from wandering. The weekends were the worst though. I tried to keep myself out of the house because I couldn't bare to be there. That was 7 weeks ago yesterday. The pain is still there but I can function. I can mostly talk about him without crying and have a smile on my face when I do it. But the pain you will find will come and go. You will have your good days and your bad ones. Yesterday was tough for me. I had found a keepsake necklace to keep some of Odin's ashes in so that I can wear them. In a fit of tears, I finally filled the vial yesterday. It does get better, how soon it does depends on you. Coming here to LS was a godsend and has helped me through my guilt and grief. I hope it will do the same for you.

Take Care,
Cynthia

OH GOD YES.

IN A WAY, THIS WHOLE SITE COULD BE A SUPPORT FOR REALLY 'SEVERE' DEPRESSION.? CATHI THE FIRST DAYS OF SEPARATION FOR ME WERE TOTALLY SURREAL AND I WAS IN DEEP SHOCK. FORGET SLEEP , I HAD TO FIGHT BACK TEARS JUST TO GO ANYWHERE. EVERYTHING (CAR, YARD THE FLOOR ETC.) TO ME WAS ~HAUNTED~ AND NOT TO SCARE YOU BUT THEY STILL ARE TO A DEGREE.
IT'S BEEN ABOUT TWO AND ONE HALF MONTHS AND I STILL HAVE NOT HAD ONE TEARLESS DAY, OR ONE NIGHTS SLEEP. COULD YOU IMAGINE IF WE TOOK A PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST TO DETERMINE OUR LEVELS OF DEPRESSION ? I'LL BET MANY OF US WOULD BE DEEMED "CLINICALLY DEPRESSED" AND ELLIGIBLE FOR DISABILITY.
I'LL BET THERE ARE PEOPLE HOSPITALIZED WHO ARE BETTER. SERIOUSLY. AND THIS DOES FRIGHTEN ME. IT'S LIKE NOW THERE ARE 'TWO' PROBLEMS : MY DOGS DEATH AND MY NEW DEPRESSION...
I HAVE TO FORCE MYSELF TO DO EVERYTHING ! I AM CONSIDERING GOING TO A DOCTOR VERY SOON IF FOR NOTHING ELSE JUST TO GET SOMETHING TO HELP ME SLEEP. I WAKE UP "WASHED OUT" LIKE I DID'NT SLEEP AT ALL. OR I HAD NON RECALLABLE NIGHTMARES AND I FOUGHT A BATTLE.
I KNOW WE'RE ALL DIFFERENT AND YET MUCH THE SAME BUT I AM NOT A CANDIDATE FOR FUTURE PET OWNERSHIP CAUSE I REALLY COULD'NT PUT MYSELF THROUGH THIS AGAIN. I STILL HAVE "FREDDIE" DOLLY'S 'HUSBAND' AS HE WAS KNOWN. THE MOST ADORABLY LOVABLE 12 INCH BEAGLE GOD CREATED, AND HE IS GOING ON 14, SO I KNOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO DO 'THIS' AGAIN. OH GOD !!
BEFORE DOLL'S DEATH WAS'NT I RATIONAL ? "SHE LIVED A GREAT LIFE" "THAT'S THEIR LIFESPAN" "NO REASON TO BE SAD " ETC. I WAS SOOOO SURE I WOULD BE ~READY~ WHEN THE TIME CAME. ~~~FORGET IT ~~~~ WHEN THEY SAID SHE HAD DAYS TO WEEKS IT HIT ME LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN. BAM !! AND I HAVE'NT SNAPPED OUT OF THE SHOCK SINCE.
CATHI AND EVERYONE, I'M SORRY. I KNOW THIS IS'NT VERY ENCOURAGING AT ALL, BUT IT'S HONEST, AND YOU ASKED "HAS ANYONE ELSE GONE THROUGH THIS".
ONE FINAL THOUGHT : PERIODS IN OUR LIVES SUCH AS THESE JUST MAY EXPLAIN WHY WE ARE ALL SCREAMING CRYING WHEN WE'RE BORN !@#!
UNFORTUNATELY,,,,,,,,,,,,,YOU'RE NOT ALONE .

Cathi,

I am so sorry for your loss. I just put my sweet Maggie, mini schnauzer, whom I had for 9 1/2 years to sleep on Sept 4, 2005.
It has been the saddest time I believe I have ever had. It is like losing a child. Hang in there every day helps, it is hard to even get up to face the day I know.

Tico knows that how much you loved him. He is waiting for you to come and play with him someday but right now he is pain free and running free in heaven.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Just hang in there is my only advice and allow yourself as much time and tears as you need.

Take care,
Angie

Cathi, I just had to have my dog put to sleep last wed. (7th) and I'm feeling very much the way you are. The weekend was hard because that's when we spent our "quality" time together. This is so hard. I'm so glad I found this place. I wish I knew what to tell you. Maybe someone can help us both.

Julie

I have fallen into a deep depression since the tragic loss of my beloved feline sister Jodie.

I have gone for days at a time wearing the same nightdress non stop,not showering,not opening my curtains or going out.

I keep telling myself that Jodie loves me and would not want this emotional hell for me,she wants me to be happy,but right now I am unable to oblige her on that score.

I hope in the near future I can honour her memory more positively.

I am so sorry for you all, and yes yes yes I feel depressed too.

Here's my short journey so day (it will be 4 weeks this Thursday):

week 1: the worst I have ever felt in my life
week 2: I really did start feeling better and knew it would take time but it'd get better
weeks 3 & 4: hate to say it, but it's almost like week 1 all over again. Still doubling up on the sleep meds.

And Phil, 2 1/2 months isn't that long. Maybe going to see a professional would help. Our pets were obviously our kids. If someone's human child died, we probably wouldn't expect their parents to feel better for months and months. I think it's the same with our pets - it takes the same amount of time. But like you said, many people simply think "it's just a pet". I am hoping that people like this are not making you think that there's a problem because you are still heavily grieving? I think that is a small part of it for me - it's like in the back of my head, there's a little voice telling me that society says I shouldn't still be sad, but I am, therefore there must be something really wrong with me. I'm fighting that. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. we dont see it yet, but we know its there.

-Tammy

Absolutely is depression normal. I lost my Zody two years ago and my Spicey 1 month ago. Someone just today expressed concern about a big earthquake hitting us and the island going under and I chimed up "I'd get to be with Zody and Spicey again" and of course the two pets I have now would just cross with me. I used to love just sitting in the backyard with spicey on a leash, I'd read a book and she's munch on grass and lick rocks. I haven't wanted to sit outside and read since her death. I miss her terribly sometimes I still think I hear her little claws on the laminate floor. When a stuffed animal I have fell on me from a top shelf I thought it might be Spicey's spirit saying 'hey stop being so sad."
sigh but it's hard, I have to go and pick up her ashes tomorrow. I'm going to spread them on Thanksgiving as a token on how grateful I am that she was a part of my life.
To all of you suffering, all I can suggest is try and find a way to honour your loved one. I have a dreamcatcher dedicated to animals we have lost and I have a clip of their fur glued to it. Or perhaps find an appropriate sized rock and paint a representation of your loved one on it. I have a Zody rock.
hugs to you all, just know we are all in this together...