Buddy, the cutest and sweetest and most special ferret in the world, died Saturday morning. I am having such a hard time dealing with this. I want the pain to stop, but it just keeps growing it seems. Even worse to me is his birthday was coming this week. He would have turned 6. I wish he could have made it to his birthday.

Buddy was older and he had some minor issues with normal ferret illnesses, adrenal and insulinoma, etc. But he was happy and doing fine when that freaking hurricane hit and took our power for 4 days. He had to be moved from the upstairs part of the house where his world was, where he could run free and sleep wherever and do as he pleased, because of the heat factor, to the lower level where it was cooler.

I had to put him in his cage downstairs where he was locked up for the most part due to people and cats and open windows and such, for his own protection.

I noticed a little change in his activity but thought it was simply due to the heat, as these little guys don't handle higher temps well. I did call his doctor to discuss heat problems and what to watch for. I kept him cool with a wet cloth and water on his fur. He was eating and seemed okay. He was checked on every hour or so and was taken out and played with or touched and held and given special human only treats....

On Weds afternoon, after I had checked on him previously about 45 minutes before, I came in and he was laying out on the top level of his house, like a dog does when they get hot. I honestly thought he was dead at that moment as he never lays like that, but again, it was hot. I immediately checked him and he responded, raised his head and knew I was calling him. He moved. Fine. So not even five minutes later I checked on him again and he didn't respond. I opened the door and grabbed him out and he was just limp. Drool coming out of his mouth.

I rushed him to the clinic where they were waiting in emergency mode. They checked his blood sugar and temp. His sugar was 26, temp was 107. The lowest acceptable blood sugar in a ferret is 54. The temp should be 102. So his sugar just plummeted for some reason and his temp was high because of not having any power for AC.

They got him cooled off and his sugars coming up and he was doing better. They wanted to keep him for the day and return him home that evening. I got called a half an hour before time to pick up and was told he had a seizure and they were going to keep him overnight at the ER clinic.

I called and checked on him every three hours through the night and morning. He returned to the regular clinic on Friday morning. Had another seizure as they were bringing him in from the car. He continued to have small seizures through the day. I went to see him that afternoon and it broke my heart. He was trembling from the seizures and he wasn't aware I was there. I took his little sleeping blanket so he would have something familiar with him. So I wrapped my hand in the blanket and took him from the incubator and just held him as long as I could, but it was so hard to see him like that.

I had to leave after about half an hour. I couldn't bear it. I was crying and just completely out of composure. I was upsetting all the people in the vets office, they were getting upset because I was so upset. They were all so kind to me and compassionate. A great group of people in that place.

However, I just knew in my heart from that moment when I laid him back on that pillow with his blanket in the incubator, that I would never see him again, that he wouldn't come home again, ever.

I cried so hard on the way home. Oh it was horrible.

They sent him to the overnight ER clinic that Friday. I checked on him and his doctor had prescribed a sedative so he would stop having the tremors from the seizures once his blood sugars were high enough to be safe for the sedative. He wanted him to get rest. They told me he was not shaking anymore and was knocked out pretty good for rest.

At 7:15 am, my cell phone rang. I knew.........I knew. Doctor Riddick was on the other end and she said she was so very sorry, but that Buddy had just passed away. The sinking feeling, I will never forget.

He was my special little boy. My only child basically. He taught me to love and so many other things. He was always right there by me. Making me laugh, amazing me with the crazy ferret things he'd do. Funny and sweet all rolled into one.

I've shed more tears and worried more about his being gone than anything ever in my life. I am grateful to him for making the decision to go in his sleep though. I knew, even though the doctor had said he wanted to give him another day because this was something they can recover from if there is no permanent brain damage, which he didn't think there was as Buddy had been eating and responsive when he wasn't having seizures.....but I knew he wouldn't recover in my heart and I was dreading having to make the call to end his sweet little life. So he did that for me. His one last act to make his master happy.

I will keep crying, I will keep seeing and hearing him, everywhere I go. I don't know when I will get through this, but it won't be soon.

There's a huge empty spot in my life and heart. And my heart really is broken. It really is.

Now I am going through the "what if?" stage. I think maybe it was my fault and that if had acted on his actions sooner and just not assumed it was simply a little heat that was making him kinda slow down......if I had just known, he would probably still be alive right now. I feel like I failed him, I let him down.

He would have had his little ferret birthday next week, six years. And we always sang happy birthday to him and gave him a special sweet something to eat.

One day I'll get through this though. I hope. One day. But he will always be gone from my life and that will never go away.

I miss him so much and I love him even more. HE was my boy and I was his dad. He had a great life and probably better than some people's children. He was loved like a child. He went wherever he wanted, he ran free in the part of the house that was his. He didn't pass his days locked in his cage ever. Unless it was special reason for his own protection, like house repairs or carpet cleaning, etc. Most of the time he was in his cage was because he chose to go in and sleep in his hammock. He could sleep in his cage or under the bed or in the closet. He ate when he wanted to, only the best ferret food you can buy and lots of human food too. He loved spaghetti and lima beans, potato chips, iced tea and ice cream and his favorite of all, mayonnaise. He had the best medical care and one of the best ferret doctors in the southeast region. He had a great life, he really did. He will be so very missed.

Goodbye sweet Buddy, I will forever miss you baby boy.

Thanks everybody for letting me put this out here. Sorry it was so long.

Buddy's dad.

Hi Buddy's Dad,

Buddy looks just like one of my dad's ferrets, Fang. My dad had another one too, Mo' Fuzz (silver). Talk about spoiled! They had the run of the townhouse, were never in a cage, and got the best food (including raisin bread and baby food). My dad even carved a hole in a wooden chest my grandfather had handmade so they could get in there to sleep. And of course there was newspaper in every corner. Ferrets are such sweet animals; they are like no other pet.

My dad was crushed when they died. I think they died within 6 months of each other. I was talking to him about the pain the other day, because my cat died 2 1/2 weeks ago. My first loss also, and it's very painful. I feel like my heart broke too.

Here's what my dad said.."I thought that the Ferrets were a blessing..I really appreciated the relationship between me and what would normally be a wild animal...Each week you will get stronger and be able to handle the loss better...it took a long time...I felt better as time went buy but I still had sad times even a year later..It may take some time but you'll get better each week and month..It took me six months or a year I think to really quit getting sad at times..I remember them even today.."

For me, the pain seemed to just get worse and worse for that first week. But in the past week and a half, I haven't cried 24x7, although I do cry a couple of times a day. And I still feel pretty empty. But I know it will eventually get better. You may not believe that now, but I promise it will.

Take care of yourself.
-Tammy

Hi Buddys dad,

Im so very sorry for your loss, but believe me, I know what you are going through. I lost my little cat yesterday to a road accident and its breaking my heart. I had her for 8 years and I cant believe she wont come walking through my door ever again. Its so very hard. But the brilliant thing about this forum is that we are not alone and we can share our grief, without being isolated with our pain. We can both look forward to getting over this and remembering our wee pets without the tears. We can take consolation from the fact that we gave them a good life and made them happy, and they knew that we loved them

Take Care

It's been a rough three days. I miss Buddy beyond belief.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I think I'll get through this. Not OVER, but through.

It's such a hard thing to have to do but someday I'll be back to normal.

I went yesterday to all the pet stores in Birmingham and played with all the ferrets. It was great therapy to see them and smell their ferrety smell. That scent, which some people don't like, and was very prevalent in the places Buddy frequented, is a great thing in some ways because I can still smell him so easily on the bedding I had not washed last week yet and his toys and such. But in a way his scent being there brings me to tears even faster and stronger than just visual reminders or thoughts do.

They are such sweet little animals and so smart. Don't let anyone fool you. They are not vicious or mean unless they have been abused or treated badly, as is the case with most animals. Ferrets are wonderful things, very high maintenance and not the pet for just anybody or their kids......but if you get one and know what you're doing to keep them healthy and happy, there is a bond that will develop unlike any other. They are intelligent beings. Number three in the list of pets in the US. Dogs)1 Cats)2 and Ferrets)3

I want another one, but not right now. I don't want to replace Buddy, I know I can never do that, but I am afraid I would be expecting a new ferret to live up to Buddy's expectations and that will never happen in a million years. Buddy was unique and very special. I will let a little time pass before I make that decision. I miss him and I still cry at the drop of a hat over his being gone and I am far from healed....so another one this soon would be not the best idea yet.

I am supposed to get his ashes and urn back probably today or tomorrow. That is going to sling me right back into a dark funk I am sure, but I'll pull myself up from that hole again, just like I have in the past three days.

Thanks for the kind words and if anybody else has anything to say or offer to me, I am open to it. It helps to see that people understand.

Buddy's dad

Buddy's Dad,

Your grief is still so fresh. I remember the first few days after Qorqui was killed. I was a complete zombie. Mostly incapable of performing any but the most routine of tasks. After a few days, even though the pain was still very raw, I began to feel like I could function somewhat normally again. Then, at around the one week mark, reality began to set in. It was as bad as the first day. In some ways, worse. After another few days to a week I was mostly functional again, but still breaking down at the drop of a hat.

For me anyway, grief seems to come in waves. I'd fall all apart for a few days, then kinda pull it back together again for a few more. Each cycle of being okay'ish is a little longer than the previous, and the bad times a little shorter. Now, at six months, the good days far out number the bad, but I have a constant empty feeling inside that I'm not sure will ever go away, and I still shed a few tears a week.

If you read through the older posts here you'll find that, after the anxiety of having to actually pick up the ashes, a surprising number of folks actually feel some relief having them at home. Many will dedicate a space and set up some sort of memorial. It seems that in some way, it's comforting to know that their baby is back home. Of course, this is not always true, but it's lots more common than I'd have imagined.

You might also want to read Steph's "Journey Through Grief". She does a great job of chronicling her feelings after losing her Border Collie, Luba.

Tim

Dear Buddy's Dad

I am so very sorry at the loss of your beautiful Buddy ... the pictures of him show me what a very special boy he was.

I can tell that he meant the world to you, and it is so hard to lose him in this way. It sounds as if the bond you had between you was something very special and you gave him a wonderful life.

He was such a lucky boy to have found a Daddy who cared for him so dearly. Please remember that you gave him a wonderful life, a wonderful 6 years.

I know the pain of not having him with you is so deep at the moment, and there is nothing that can be done about that except to take one hour at a time, one day at a time. Not to look too far into the future and to just try to get though each day as it comes.

I am so very sorry for your loss, it breaks my heart especially when I realise how beloved your Buddy was to you and what a wonderful life you gave him.

Bless your dear sweet Buddy
with love
jilly

Hi Buddy's Dad, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. I hope you aren't being hard on yourself about what you could or couldn't have done to help him. It sounds like you did all you could and I think that just being there for him and bringing him things that were comforting to him when he was at the vet can be very powerful. You were his buddy and it sure sounds like you helped him through some pretty hard times.

I'm glad to hear you felt better visiting some other ferrets. Like you say they can't replace Buddy, but they can help you heal a little. And maybe someday one will be lucky enough to come home with you - it sounds like you are a great ferret Dad!

In the meantime take it easy on yourself...I know it's easy to say but hard to do. I just lost my Oscar cat and it is killing me, and at times I honestly don't care if I eat or sleep or not. But I know I have to get back to a routine, if only for my remaining cat's sake. So I'm trying. Good luck to you...hang in there.

Thanks Tim, Aepva and Jilly and everyone else. It's made it a little easier knowing that others care and understand. And oddly enough I find some comfort in reassurring others that they will get through their loss too. It's easy to put aside my grief and try to help someone through theirs. Does that make sense?

I am doing much better today than I was two days ago. So I can tell you, it does get easier, but it's still very hard. I feel better mentally, but my physical being is simply drained. I have no energy, I'm weak.....rundown. It takes its toll in all kinds of ways. But each passing day seems to get a little less dim. I hope I continue on this path.

I picked up Buddy's ashes today from the clinic. They have him in a very pretty urn and certificate that honors his death and passing. I put it on the shelf on top of my desk beside my family portrait. He was family too, very much so.

I also got a little box in the mail today and inside, wrapped in bubble wrap was a small ceramic type hand made little disc, a little bigger than a silver dollar and it had Buddy's little ferret paw impression in it and his name written below along with a beautiful little poem that made me cry:

Heaven got a STAR today
And earth seems somehow dim.....
On angels' wings you went to God
And leapt, four footed to Him!

Wait for me, my dearest
Though you're gone I'm not alone...
You've left pictures in my memory
And paw prints on my soul!

I know that Buddy is in a better place today and he's happy and doing his ferret dance and making his little ferret sounds and bounding outside in a beautiful place. He's happy now. One day, I hope, I get to see him again.

Thanks again everybody and I am with you in heart and soul in your loss as well.

Thanks.

Buddy's dad (J)

Hi there,

It also makes me feel a little better to try to reassure someone else. That's part of the reason I like this site. I see people that are still posting, helping others, who's pets left 6 months to a year ago. I like that as soon as they started feeling better, they didn't drop off the site.
It's encouraging to me to hear them say it does get better. Like QorquisDad who says the good days outnumber the bad now. I know I'll get to that place eventually also.

And I am so glad you are starting to feel better.

-Tammy

PS - I know that ferret smell very well. My dad's ferrets have been gone several years and I can STILL smell it. It doesn't bother me though.

I am struck by the depth of your love for Buddie.

I find it SO striking because it is in sharp contrast to the attitude an animal abuser I had the misfortune of meeting had towards the baby ferrets in his"care".

Last year when we became aware of the extent of abuse involved we had to"liberate"them with the help of our local animal rights group.

These sweet and innocent,vulnerable babies had been left in a plastic cage with no food,no water and a mountain of their own waste for days and days.

Sadly for one of them it was too late,they died at the vet's as a result of kidney and liver failure due to the neglect.

The brilliant thing to come of this tradgedy is that little Queenie was placed in an animal sanctuary where she received first class care before being placed in a new and loving home.

In view of this you can appreciate that you are truely a saint in terms of ferret care and Buddy was therefore one of the most fortunate ferrets that ever was.

Please take strength and succour in the knowledge that Buddy luxuriated in your loving care.

I actually read your sad story many days ago, but I could not bring myself to reply. The way you wrote about Buddy was so endearing and heartbreaking, and I cried the whole way through. I just wanted to say that I am thankful for you and the many other souls that I have met here. The way you cared for your baby is precious to read about and I only wish there were more souls like you. Sadly, this world does not have enough people like you in it- if it did- there would be no more abuse, neglect, or animal suffering. It is hard for a person to understand this lack of compassion for such beatiful babies.
I hope that this finds you feeling a little less intense in your grief, but I know that it is a long, painful process. I know how much you must miss your Buddy, and how hard it is to give them a great life, and then lose them. It wouldn't hurt so much if you did (do) not care for your baby the way you did. Your story reflects your love and compassion, and sadly, it also reflects your pain.
May today bring you some smiles as you remember Buddy and all of the wonderful things in life that you gave to him.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

Thanks ILoveJodie and Michelle.......your comments, along with all the others sure make me feel better, and bring tears to my eyes too, accompanied by a smile.

Helping rescue those little guys was a great thing. Ferrets are special little critters and I hate that so many of them are abused by worthless human s%% (goes for any animal abuser, in my book.) Don't understand what makes a person able to harm helpless animals. Makes me sick.

I want to buy all the ferrets in the world and bring them home with me so they can't be abused or neglected or mistreated, but alas, I can not. So the best thing for me to do is to not think about it happening. ( I care about all animals, cats and dogs, etc. but once ferret takes your heart, you're pretty much ruined for all the other critters, but I still love animals, of all kind and can't stand the thought of them being harmed or neglected, which is why I can't watch the animal cop shows on Animal Planet, I get physically ill when I see that)

Thanks to everyone here for helping me out. The past couple of days have been really hard physically, I just feel sick. No energy, weak, etc. I suppose it's really all in my head and not that something is really wrong. The past two weeks have been more than a mind can bear I guess and it manifests itself through physical distress. The hurricane hitting us, our lives being turned upside down for a week, the death of my Buddy ferret and well, it just all hit me at once and I feel it in every ache and pain I have right now.

However, I want everyone to know I went today and picked up a SWEET and precious little angel to help me through. His name is Ferris the ferret and he's about 4 months old. I met him last Monday at one of the pet stores when I went around to every pet store in the city and played with all the ferrets I could find as a sort of "therapy". We connected when he gave me kisses on my nose and then promptly BIT ME on the NOSE! Little stinker...!

No, he's not Buddy, and I am grasping that with every minute, but I didn't get him to replace Buddy. I got him to show that I can love again, to help fill that empty hole and to let him know that I want to take care of him as much as I did Buddy. He's going to learn things and be his own little weasel, which will make him unique in his ways to me, just as Buddy was also special and unique in his right.

He's already brightened up my world and I know Buddy is happy that Ferris is helping me get happy again too. Thanks Buddy. I sure love you little boy........

Thanks to you all too.

Buddy's dad and now Ferris' dad too!

pics soon.

Buddy's dad, I'm so sorry for your loss. I watched my sweetie suffer with seizures in his final hours and I can tell you it's not something I ever want to experience again. I'm so sorry you've lost your sweet ferret. He looks so sweet and cute. I wish I could make all our pain go away.

You said your power was out b/c of the hurricane? Might I ask where you live? I'm in MS and we also went several days without power. I believe the heat added extra stress on Frankie causing him to have more frequent seizures. I just wondered if you were on the MS coast or in Louisiana. I saw in another post where you mentioned going to pet stores in Birmingham. I just didn't want to place you in the wrong place. Again, very sorry about your Buddy.

Julie

Dear Buddy's dad,

The pictures you posted of Buddy are so very dear. I know you must miss him terribly. I'm very sorry for your loss.

I was also touched by the poem you posted for Buddy. Thanks for posting it.

You're in my thoughts.
Hugs,
Kathleen

Julie,

Hi. Wow.... I am so sorry about your little one too. What a small world......two loved pets lost due to complications and stress from that DAMN hurricane! Makes me SO angry...but not much we can do about the weather I suppose. I only expect it to get worse as time passes. Needless to say, next time, all pets go to the Clinic for boarding....they have emergency generators and I will NOT put another one of my animals through that.

I am in central Alabama, Birmingham. We got hit a lot harder than the goofballs said we would. The last storm wasn't as bad as they said and this one wasn't as easy as they said. I don't trust weathermen anymore, really. Our power was done for 5 days, some not far from here didn't get it back for right at 7 days. But I won't complain about anything other thany my pet's passing, because there are so many others who lost so much more and that pains me beyond words. My heart goes out to all those who lost everything, including family and friends.

Thanks for your kindness.

I am doing better, thanks to the new little one whose working hard to repair a broken heart! He's a sweetie.

Pics of Ferris the Ferret: Born June 12, 2005. Just a baby.....


Sleepin safe and sound in his condo.


(looks like she has him in a strangle-hold, but it wasn't, I promise!)


Loves shoes........they all do!



I hope these pics will bring a smile or two to everybody here who needs one today...

Buddy's dad...and Ferris too.

Oh Buddy's (Ferris's) Dad,
I was so touched by your last 2 posts. I was so happy to hear that you brought home a new baby to love and give a good home to. The pics are SO SWEET! I did smile. Thank you, Ferris.
As for your physical symptoms, they are real. Maybe not to the point of illness or disease, but depression and sadness can still produce very real and intense physical pain. I went through that myself, even ended up in the E/R 9 days after I lost Cosmo. They said it was just acute anxiety, but the way they rushed me in, they had originally thought it was a heart attack
( I'm 33 by the way).
As for that DAMN hurricane, I just wanted you to know that most of the country shared in your pain and distess via the news and weather broadcasts. I wept for EVERYONE affected, including all of the beautiful animals. I am so sorry that the storm contributed to the death of Buddy, and I pray you never have to experience that INTENSE kind of storm again in your lifetime.
I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you today, and I hope little Ferris brings more joy to your heart as the days pass ( I also hope he never bites you on the nose again ).
Peace, Love and Prayers,
Michelle