I knew this would be hard, but it was harder than I expected. I had to stop by PetSmart today for the special kitty litter that goes in Miss Kitty's automatic litter box (which I LOVE!). Had to walk by the doggie section to get to the kitty litter and of course, a few pet owners there had their babies. Then I passed the bones, which I always bought for Rush's teeth, and by the time I got to the litter, I had to stay back in the corner of the store for a few minutes to compose myself. I finally get enough of a grip to check out and there on the lost board is a picture (not just an index card!) of a male airedale terrier who's lost and a sad plea from the heartbroken owners. That "smiling" airedale face put me over the edge and I spent many minutes bawling in the car.

THEN! I've composed myself enough to pick up some books I need for school at B&N and I'm heading towards the cafe to treat myself and daughter to a frappucino and on the end of a shelf in the sale section is a "How to Train a Puppy" book and what's on the cover, "smiling" up at me???? An airedale puppy! Good grief! My broken heart just cried out, "Get one! Get a puppy! Get an airedale!!!!"

My practical mind said it wouldn't be fair to the puppy or my budget right now, but wow, what a painful day. I want to find a cat only store with no doggie products to remind me........

Dear Rushie's Mom,
I really think that Rushie was sending you a message. That might be his way of also letting you know that he is still near you and that he is ok. I know it's very difficult. Those things happen to me all the time but I usually find comfort in it because I think that is one of the ways that our pets communicate with us after they have passed. My son started 2nd grade the other day and when we sat down to read his first story for school it was about a cat. The cats name was Charlie. Ok...my cats name was TJ...but we got TJ then 3 months later got our ##er spaniel...his name was Charlie and TJ & Charlie were the best of friends. Soooo....I would like to think that TJ and Charlie were both sending me a message...letting me know that they are together again. I mean...what are the odds of his story being about a cat on his first day of school? OH...also, that was TJ's one month anniversary of passing!!!
Do you understand what I'm trying to say. Try and take comfort when those things happen...because I actually think they are messages.

Love,
Lisa...NOAH'S ARK

look in your town for a cat's only vet clinic. the one's here have cat's only (of course) and they stock Everclean, which i can say is a great litter (but a bit pricey). it will probably work fine in your auto box.

Hi Rushie's Mom,
I know what you mean. My first visit to PetCo after Dixie died was a difficult one. I had brought her
there with me so many times. She used to jump up on the glass enclosures they have for the rats,
guinea pigs, mice, birds, etc. and would bark her cute little "arf arf", tail wagging furiously!!!
I couldn't even bring myself to walk past that part of the store without crying.
I try not to go there anymore...it's too hard.
This sounds silly, but last week I was at Hollywood Video. Till then, it had been a
pretty good day for me..... till I saw the big poster they had hanging for the new release
"Because of Winn-DIXIE!!". Well, that's all it took....my eyes immediatley welled up.
I'll cry at the oddest times and places...I think people (mainly my family) think I have
some serious emotional problems!! No, I just WANT MY DOG BACK.
Also, I'm with Lisa on this one.... Rushie (or God) may have been sending you a "message".
It's very possible and very likely!!
Take care and I hope you're doing well. Oh, I loved your story of Miss Kitty....2 red headed Jackies...
that's so funny.
Dana

I thought I was the only one!

I had to go to Petco too. I waited until Monday nite (instead of the weekend where they have pet adoptions) and I realized it was the first time I didn't have to buy sensitive stomach dry food to mix with the regular food, which was located next to the cans of soft food that I just bought before Diapey died because the vet had said that I needed to add soft food to her diet to keep her hydrated after she got well.

Dana - I cry at odd places too. When I'm not crying I'm still very..I feel so "weighted down" and depressed. Things are just a struggle right now. I know people at work are starting to think I'm losing it cause today 2 people commented on how I actually chatted for a few minutes, and then they told me they were worried cause I've been so quiet.
And I feel like saying, "People, it's called GRIEVING. Ever heard of it ??!!"
I'm pretty sure these are the people that would say "it's only a cat". except for the fact that they know there would be some serious wrath placed upon them if they actually did say that to me.

I agree with Lisa, take all these sightings as signs from Rush trying desperately to let you know his OK.

One trick i learned for when i was in public was to have a song ready, think of one now and if you feel the tears welling up start to hum the song, if your too embarrased then hum or sing it in your head.

My favourite was "i feel good, da da da da dada da"

Try it at least if everyone thinks your mad you know your still alive

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling a little better now. Or maybe I'm just burying myself in school to avoid the pain. My best friend told me the other day that maybe this was a sign that I couldn't stay holed up in my house with my books and my animals. <_< After a failed marriage, I think I just pour myself into school because it's something tangible, no one can take my credits away. LOL That's kinda sad, but it's the mindset I'm in now.

I had myself a great big ole' pity party that day and railed at God. I'm sure he didn't hear me over the railing of those much more entitled than myself. I felt very selfish afterward, especially with the devastation down South. I'm making my way back to being grateful for all I've had and all I still have. I know Rush is well, he's here in the hallway letting me know almost daily. I just miss him terribly. Still haven't been able to bring myself to walk to the lake. It's going to feel so strange without him by my side. The acute pain only shows up now and again and the sad emptiness is setting up residence in my heart.

Thanks for your warm words, they really help!

Dear Rushie's Mom,

I know exactly how you felt in PetSmart...last Christmas I was at PetSmart when an announcement was made for people wanting to have their furbaby's picture taken with Santa. I broke down and started crying and had to leave the store...it was a sad reminder that the year before I'd thought about getting Shiloh's picture taken with Santa, but when I didn't, I thought "oh, I'll get it done next year." Little did I know that Shiloh wouldn't be around to have her picture taken.

I also understand about not being able to walk to the lake. Shiloh and I used to walk to a prairie dog town...she loved digging in the holes. After she died I couldn't bring myself to go back there for a while. It actually took a couple of months for me to go back there, and the first time I went back, I took Shiloh with me...I knew she would want me to spread some of her ashes there...and that's what I did. Shiloh's been gone almost a year now, and I take frequent walks to the prairie dog town, and when I do, I can't help but think I see her out of the corner of my eye chasing prairie dogs and digging in whatever hole she wants. All of that to say, you will heal with time, and you will walk to the lake again...and when you do, you'll feel Rushie right there with you.

Take care,
Kathleen