Wow... it's been 3 whole months. I woke up this morning and my first thought was, if only I could turn back time, 3 months, and one day. Because you'd be here. I don't cry much anymore. I keep it all locked away for moments like right now. And then I explode and sob so hard I can't breathe.

Usually I can think of happy times and smile somewhat... right now all I see and hear is you dying.. you yelping at the needle... slumping down... taking your last breath. Oh, sweetheart, if I could have changed things I would have. I would have laid down my life for you. I would have given up all I have just to keep you. I wonder how it's been 3 months already. I don't understand where the time has gone. I remember how it felt 3 months ago... My heart was completely broken.. and you know, it still is. I just have learned to deal with the heartbreak.

My little Freeway, you were the joy of my world. You gave me a purpose.. a reason to rise each morning. I know you don't want me to feel guilty about putting you to sleep, but I DO.. I just do. Over the past year I made you endure SO much, and everything I made you do was not for you, it was for me. I wanted you here. The thought of losing you made me sick... and now you're gone and have been for so long. I still don't know how to live without you. I survive.. I don't live... All I want is you... your soft, furry little body.. you sweet kisses to welcome me home after a long day... the way you'd sit by my feet anytime I would be eating something and stare right at me, until I'd look at you, then you'd quickly look away and I'd laugh... When you were younger you'd chase me down the hall, nipping at my heels... I dubbed you my little ankle biter, and you always will be... my sock stealer... I'll never forget the day grandma was here with her dog, Homer.. and we stupidly left his bag of pigs ears on the floor, tied up.. the second you got the chance you ripped into that thing, grabbed a pigs ear and ran for dear life... I was so mad, but now it makes me laugh. You were a little thief.. but oh how I wish you were still here, stealing stuff. My world doesn't seem to turn right without you... Even when I am pretending it is.. My heart will forever long for you... my sweet boy... I hope you are resting well...