We lost our precious puppy Beasley 2 days ago. He was a yorkie-maltese mix, only 7 months old, about 4 pounds--he had big ears that stood up (and triggered a lot of laughs and smiles) and the cutest beady eyes that drove straight through my soul. I can't stand thinking that he's not here with his dad and me anymore--he was our first pet and we literally built our world around him when he first came home with us as a handful of fluffy fur with an ever-wagging tail. From that day until Saturday, our world was filled with so much happiness and love that we wondered how we ever lived without him.

Today our world is quite different because Beasley's not in it. Not only are we grieving the loss of our baby boy, but we are also stuck with the sick imagery of how it happened. Beasley was attacked by a Pitbull/Rottweiler mix--I can't even describe the viciousness of the incident--it was probably the most awful, violent thing I've ever experienced, and sadly my mind replays it over and over again whether I'm sleeping or awake. Beasley was everything to us...though he was only a puppy, we had such a strong relationship and had created so many great memories. However, these wonderful memories and all the good things that happened when he was alive are consistently eclipsed by the cir%%stances of his death.

We drove 2 and 1/2 hours to a house-warming party...we brought Beasley with us because he was invited to come along as there would be other dogs, specifically puppies, there. We initially made the decision not to bring him, and our good friend already offered to watch him for the day. However, the day before the party, we decided that we would bring Beasley because he loved to be around dogs, people, (and cats!). Before going to the party, we called a friend to make sure his dog--a pitbull/rottweiler mix--would not be there, and he assured us that he wouldn't. So with that we knew it would be okay to bring Beas since he's always enjoyed the company of others, and the socialization would be good for him. Walking up to the house, someone joked that the dogs in the yard would "rip that little dog apart". I laughed because I saw a golden retriever puppy and a lab, both puppies but still considerably larger than our boy, but nothing that was out of the ordinary since he had plenty of playmates of all breeds and sizes back home. Only seconds later, after I set Beasley down, he was gently greeted with sniffs and wagging tails from those dogs--and then this pitbull mix came out of nowhere and lunged at Beasley, and then it was over. I screamed, still holding the leash, and even now as I type, I have the same ringing in my ears and the same feelings of intense helplessness and overwhelming panic. Someone managed to get the pitbull away though I don't know how, but at that point I only remember someone yelling "he broke his neck" and my husband grabbing our sweet puppy and screaming and crying--he kept saying, "my baby, my baby". At that point I can only remember those intense feelings, the ringing in my ears, and my husband's screams. He fell to the ground w/ Beasley and sobbed but I couldn't comfort him--I walked away and I could only shake with what felt like convulsions. I could only think, no, no, no, no...

The sight of my sweet puppy is more than I could/can stand...we knew he was gone but a kind stranger drove us to a vet that was closed. We knew he was gone but my husband even tried CPR and urged Beasley to stay with us as I cried and begged from the backseat. When we got back to the house, my husband had to carry our puppy in a blood-soaked towel...I couldn't stand it & I still can't...he had to get a bag to wrap him in for the 2 and 1/2 trip home. I sat on the curb and cried by myself until another stranger, the kindest woman, came to comfort me. I don't know who she was or where she came from, but for a split-second, she attempted to comfort me as my body convulsed with shock and despair.

We of course left immediately. After the longest ride home, with our baby lifeless in the back, we couldn't go back to our house so we stayed with my parents. They have been so supportive--they love Beasley, and they're also animal people...they have a cat & have suffered pet loss before. We buried Beasley in my parents' yard (they live in the country) next to my childhood dog, Candi. My parents, along with my brother & two good friends, grieved with us as we said goodbye to our Beasley.

I can't stand that he's gone, and I am sick with sadness and guilt. I shouldn't have gone to this party, I shouldn't have brought Beasley along, I shouldn't have set him down. People say that the pitbull would have attacked Beasley even if I had been holding him, thus hurting me, too, but I don't care. Physical wounds resulting from that would not possibly hurt more than this.

My husband and I had so many plans for the upcoming years, most of them including Beasley. We definitely never imagined that he would be gone so soon, in such a violent and tragic way. I haven't been able to sleep or eat, and we are both plagued with fits of crying. I've always been very sensitive when it comes to animals...unable to watch or hear anything that depicts an animal in distress. Now it's actually happened to me, and it's not some fictional scenario, but something that actually happened & I have to live with for the rest of my life, and I don't know how I'm going to get through it.

I do have a great support system with my husband, family, and friends, and my husband and I already visited a grief counselor today because we both feel overwhelmed by what some people might call "just a dog's" death...but as you all know, they're not just pets, they're companions, best friends, babies...they love us unconditionally, and I would do anything for my pet. Now I just feel lost because I thought I could do anything for Beasley, but I couldn't save him, and now he's not here. I need to know that he's watching us, somehow, somewhere that I can't see, because I need to have him with me. He was our world, and I need to know that I will see him again one day in heaven, because he HAS to be there--heaven without our pets wouldn't be heaven at all.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post...I'm sorry for the length. Most of all, I'm sorry for your many losses & our thoughts are also with you while you grieve your dear companions. As an animal lover, I know this is not a trivial relationship, but a very important one, one that may last years or only a few short months. Either way, our pets are little angels that make our lives better, and now I'm struggling to find out how to make it at all.

Beasley really was our world--we told him so many times a day how much we love him, and I hope he still knows, because as devastated as I am, I couldn't handle it if he died scared & feeling unloved because we couldn't help him in time.

Your posts are all filled with so much strength and support...thank you for providing a sense of comfort to those who've lost their babies like we have this weekend.

Thanks for listening and take care.
Beasley's mom,
kel


[QUOTE][FONT=Times][COLOR=green]We love you Beasley!!!

I'm so so so sorry for your loss. It's tragic and I am almost speechless. But I wanted you to know someone is hurting with you. I hope you'll find a way to get through this, keep coming here, there are wonderful people here. Sending you healing thoughts and prayers.

Kel, I just went through a similiar situation yesterday. I can't re-write the situation because it hurts too much, but if you'd like you can look for my post " something horrible happened "
I realized today that I am having post traumatic stress symptoms. The sounds and the vision going through my head over and over again. The blood and the rushing to the vet screaming and crying. I get what you are going through and I am so sorry that you are experiencing the pain that I am. I keep wishing I had ran outside faster. Just a minute or two sooner and maybe this poor kitty would have lived. All day long I have been crying and shaking, while at the same time trying to pull my self together so I can work.
I am so sorry about your baby. I am crying for both of our losses. I don't know why these things happen, but I know we have to go on. I can't even begin to tell you how much I respect you and your husband for going to the grief counselor.
Please know you are not alone. Anytime you need to talk I am here.
Sarah

Kel,

I'm so sorry that this has happened and I wish I had words that could take your heartache away and remove the pictures of those last few moments. I don't doubt that Beasly knew how loved he was and I'm sure that he is watching over you from the bridge with all of our little ones awaiting the day that they will be reunited with us.

The only thing I have to offer you is a shoulder (cyber though it may be) and the knowledge that we are all here to help you through the coming days. I can't imagine what you are going through. Please hold on to the happy memories you have of your little guy and when those awful pictures come try forcibly if you have to to replace them with one which will make you smile.

I will light a candle for your little one and have asked my boy to watch over him. He has a playmate up there who will protect him until you can be there with him.

Hugs,
Beth

KELYMN, I AM VERY SORRY SINCERELY. I KNOW YOU MUST BE IN COMPLETE SHOCK UNDERSTANDIBLY. WHEN YOU CAN SEE YOUR WAY THROUGH , DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT "ANIMAL".
THE SECOND RESPONDER ALSO.

SITUATIONS LIKE THESE ARE SADLY BECOMING FAR TO PREVALENT.TO ME SOMETHING THAT DOES THIS, IS NOT A DOG BUT A "BEAST"
WHY WAS THIS ANIMAL OFF LEASH ? ETC. FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR BELOVED ~AND~ TO MAYBE SAVE VICTIMS OF THE FUTURE BE THEY ANIMAL OR,,,,,,,,,,HUMAN.
GOD BLESS YOU NOW AND LET US KNOW HOW YOU'RE DOING.

Hi Kel,

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I read your post last night but was such a mess afterward that I just couldn't reply until now. I just don't understand why these things have to happen to such innocent and trusting babies. They deserve to have a long happy life, and when it's cut so short like this, I just can't understand it. IT"S NOT FAIR!!!!

After I calmed down a little I too asked Qorqui to help little Beasley with his transition. I also prayed for you and your husband, that you might have a little divine support in dealing with your grief. And for Beasley to give you a sign that he's safe and doesn't blame you for what happened.

Then, I became angry. Angry because you specifically asked if that dog would be there and you were told that it would not. Then, IT was there anyway. I don't know your situation, or how good of a friend the owner is, but I really believe there should be something done to ensure that that pit/rot can never do anything like this again. Personally, I'd have killed the thing on the spot.

Do not blame yourselves. This is NOT IN ANY WAY YOUR FAULT. You did what a responsible "Mom and Dad" should do. You verified the safety before hand and as far as you knew it would be safe. There is blame though.... It belongs to the person that brought that dog without making the effort to let you know BEFORE Beasley was put in danger.

Please try to be extra good to yourselves during your initial grief. It's easy to lose sleep and neglect your health while you're still in shock. Try to make a point to remember to eat and sleep. It will not be easy at first, and you will probably feel like you're just going through the motions of living, but it will get better. It will take time, but it will get better.

You remain in my thoughts and prayers,
Tim

Oh Kel,
How hard I cried as I read the horror you and your husband went through, and are still experiencing. I don't even know what to say to help you during this time. I, too, am speechless for the first time in my life. I am happy that you have a good support system and I am glad you are reaching out for much needed support. I wish I could take away those last horrible images you have, but I'm not a magician, and don't know how to help right now. I will say a prayer for you and your husband, and also your little baby. When you can, come back and share with us all of your feelings, and as time passes, may it find you feeling some measure of peace, and find me with more helpful words.
Thinking of you, today. Take care.
Love,
Michelle

hello

im so sorry for your loss, while reading it i was sadly reminded of my dogs death, he was hit by a car, we rushed him to the vet, it was CLOSED, and he bled to death. I can only offer up my thoughts and prayers, i am still devestated by Picasso dying, Sept 29 will be a year. Please take your time, and dont worry about having someone to listen, we are all here.

amber

(((((Kel)))))))))
I am sick about what happened to your little baby. I held my breath as I read your story. I too have never been able to witness animals' suffering.
I only hope that time will take this horrible, horrible burden from your heart and take the shock away for both of you. I sure don't understand why these things happen.

I hope when and if you are able, you will take action against the pit/rot's owners. This should not be allowed to happen again. I knew some people who thought it was funny that their big dog had "taken Out" some of the smaller neighborhood dogs. It was just "his nature". I was so horrified.

I lost my precious husky, Tico last week and I share your grief. I wish you strength to deal with this.

peace
Cathi

Kel, I am so sorry for your tragic loss. I've gotten a lot of the "it was just a dog" song and dance from people. You are correct, they aren't *just* dogs or cats or pets...they are part of our families and we love them. I'm just so sorry that you had to be witness to all of this. Please know that Beasley is always around you. I often can hear the jingling of my dogs collar tags and when I look the other dog is perfectly still and asleep beside me. I know I'm not hearing things. I know it's Frankie's way of saying "I'm here...it's ok!"

Take care of yourself honey. The upcoming weeks and months will be hard but there are so many wonderful people here who will help you.

Julie

Kel,

Your story is unreal. I can't imagine what your going through. Know that my thoughts are with you both. Take care of yourselves.

Luna

i have just read your post as im new here, and it has reduced me to tears my heart goes out to you, may you one day be at peace, my thoughts are with you

babybears mom sara

I read your post this morning, and only now can I even bear to answer it. I am grieving the loss of a beloved pet this week as well, but your story is heart wrenching. I cannot even imagine your feelings. Please be assured that the posters on this site have good thoughts and genuine emotions for those of us who feel as if our hearts have been ripped out. Even as I type this, I am crying for you. I don't know if what I can say can give you any comfort, but rest assured that you are not alone in your grief for your precious puppy. I feel solace in the thought that my "Bailey" is welcoming your "Beasley" over the Rainbow Bridge where they are romping and playing in the bright sunlight. Remember that cyber friends can reach out to help. Even when you think you are alone, one of us is thinking of you. Take care.

Oh my gosh, how devastating it must be for you both! You are in my thoughts and prayers. Be strong! You are cared for here with us all (((hug)))

Jennifer
Magellan's Mommy