This website is new to me so I spent some time reading the topics and responses and have found it to be immensely helpful. On Sat. morning my rescued orange-tabby best friend Max went outside for a few minutes while I finished a chore. He apparently went down my long , 90 ft., driveway to inspect a rabbit that had been hit by a car. I called his name and looked toward the road, and to my horror, there he was sprawled at the foot of my driveway. Some inhuman sound came out of me as I stumbled toward him thinking maybe he's stunned or unconscious...no, he had been partically crushed. For 9 years he never left my side, even when I was bedridden after cancer surgery for a month...fiercely loyal, sleep on my chest, sound revielle in my ear at 5AM and the largest vocabulary I've ever heard. The trills and chirps, whails of where are you and deep rumbling purrings were astonishing to hear. I think he knew me better than I know myself. But he's gone and I am in a deep, deep hole of agonizing guilt. If I had only done one thing or another he'd still be here and I could wake from this. My wife,son and I buried my friend Sat. morning and part of me went with him; I could not bear to say goodbye as I knelt on his fresh grave and bawled like a baby. The sadness is overpowering.

I can understand your overpowering sadness and loss. I am truly sorry that you had to lose your friend that way. Please try not to feel guilty though, you didn't do anything wrong. I know that it is hard to accept, but accidents happen. No matter how we lose our babies, there is always guilt. We do whatever we can for them while they are here with us, and then beat ourselves up with "what ifs..." afterward.
I know your pain is intense right now, but in time the DEEP sadness will be relieved. I hate to tell you that it can take some time for relief to begin, but know that it will come. In the meantime, take time to feel your grief and loss, and know that Max is in a much better place than Earth could ever be. He does not hold you responsible in any way, and I believe that he no longer remembers any pain or sadness that he may have experienced. He is truly happy now. Try to take some measure of comfort in that as you miss him, and try to live your life without him.
With that being said, I am glad that you have found this forum to help comfort you during this unbearable time. I know you said that you have already felt helped by reading other posts, and the help increases from here. All of us here have felt ( or are feeling) the same way you do right now, and that is what makes LS so great. A true blend of undersatnding souls ready to listen and comfort however they can.
I'm sending you Peace and Loving thoughts and Prayers during this time of great sadness and loss.
Love,
Michelle

I'm so sorry for the loss of your special kitty. He sounds like he was such a devoted companion to you.

Something that someone here once told me really rings true for your situation...You would have never intentionally put Max in harms way. I know that's very easy to say, but please try to remember that as you deal with the guilt you're feeling. Honestly, I think no matter how we lose our furbabies we deal with guilt of some form or another. We're their caretakers and when something happens to them, whether it be cancer, old age, or a tragic accident, we somehow feel like we failed them. I know I've felt that way with both Shiloh and Hobbie. I think the most important thing is to be kind and gentle with yourself as you grieve.

You're in my thoughts.
Hugs,
Kathleen

I AM VERY , VERY SORRY. I FEEL SOMEWHAT HYPOCRITICAL GIVING ADVICE NOW BECAUSE I TOO AM SUFFERING OVER MY GIRL BEAGLES LOSS TO CANCER 2 MONTHS AGO. AND NOTHING I THINK ON MY OWN SEEMS TO HELP ME SO I AM JUST "HANGIN ON" REALLY.
I DO AGREE WITH KATHLEEN: NO MATTER HOW, WHEN OR WHY THEY LEAVE, GUILT IS THERE. GOD BLESS US ALL , CAUSE THE PAIN OF LOOSING BELOVED PETS (TO ME) IS AS GREAT AS LOOSING PEOPLE. LET US KNOW HOW YOU'RE DOING.

To: Mosommy, Kathleen032, Phillonne- I cannot thank each of you enough for the wonderful sentiments and kind words of wisdom. I am indeed fortunate to have found loving souls with whom to converse and comfort me and my family. My heartfelt prayers for each and everyone of us who has had to walk this dark path.