Hi, I'm new to this forum and I want to say first of all that I'm so sad for all of your precious fur-babies that have passed on! I went looking for a pet loss arena to join because I know that I'm not alone in my grief and that there are many people going through the same devastating thing! I want to talk about my baby to those who know how it feel's to have this special type of love for a pet and to be so loved by them in return only to lose them forever! Other pet owner's can relate to what I'm going through right now! My boyfriend was sad but he's over it and my grief is only just beginning! I'm really the only one grieving over her. She was my precious girl!
My sweet beautiful JayJay died on Feb. 28th, 2004 after only a four day illness and my heart is shattered! I had never even heard of Cardiomyopathy, never mind experience it so tragically! She wasn't even six years old! I'm so sad I just want to die!
I don't want to stop crying, you know? I want to grieve for the rest of my life. I want to scream, kick my feet, and cry uncontrollably over her forever and never stop. It seems as if it would be disrespectful to her memory if I stopped being sad. Like how much I grieve equals how much I love her. If I stop grieving I stop loving and missing her. Does that make sense? I was wondering if anyone else ever experienced this?
Thank-you all !

Hi!

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved Jay-Jay. All of us in this forum do know how you feel, so I am very happy that you found us; but, I am sorry that you had to find us at all!!!!
It has only been five days since your baby has been gone; I wouldn't expect that your tears be gone right now. It is a definite loss; and I believe that the loss of a beloved furbaby is sometimes (for me, more often than not), worse than the loss of a human.
Don't be so sure that your boyfriend "is over it"; men tend to show their feelings in lots of different ways; same for women - not all show their feelings the way we do.
What you're feeling right now is normal; my Ernie has been gone since 2/7/2004, and I do remember (clearly) that I just wanted to punch someone, my heart ached, my head was banging with pain so badly, my eyes were red & puffy - they looked like they were closed.... It's sad, awful & it stinks.... I hear you - I understand that!!!!

It's not disrespectful if you stop feeling sad; but, right now, this is how you are feeling, and, of course you are sad...I wouldn't expect anything different...
People said to me, "you'll be surprised that someday soon, your tears will turn into laughter.............." Well, you can imagine what I thought...
But, you know - these are people who lost their furbabies, who have gone on before my Ernie, and they just knew....
My Ernestine has been gone for 26 days; I still cry, but, I also laugh too. When I remember all the funny things she did, I just have to - then I'll cry again because I miss her soooooooooooo much!!!!

I will cry anywhere...I'm not ashamed... We are human for Heaven's sake...God made us with feelings.... I'm not going to "stifle a cry with a lump in my throat" if I feel like crying.... Letting it out is really the key to healing...
Then, sometimes I start laughing; even in a busy store... People must think, "she's a nut", but, I don't care..... It is healthy to "feel your feelings", I think.

JayJay "knows" how much you love her... YOU WILL ALWAYS LOVE & MISS HER!!!!!
Your quote, "If I stop grieving, I stop loving and missing her"..... I don't think that's true. Right now, it may feel like that.... But, you know how intuitive our furbabies are...... Did JayJay like it when you were sad/crying/in pain, etc...?????
I know Ernie always came right up to me even if I had 1/2 tear in my eye... She didn't like it; always comforted me..
JayJay wouldn't want you to grieve forever.....Hopefully this doesn't sound stupid, but, your JayJay was SO VERY SPECIAL TO YOU, she'd want you to celebrate her wonderful life - Just how beautiful she was, how happy she made you.... Most of all, just how "non-judgemental" our furbabies are!!!!!

Six years is not a long time at all, and I am very sorry that you did not have a much longer time with your girl...... Do you know the song by Garth Brooks, "The Dance"???? When I first came on this site, someone wrote the words and I couldn't stop crying...It's a sad country song....
Kind of like.........I am happy & blessed to have had my Ernestine in my life, to have loved her and be loved.......rather than not having loved at all!! I will withstand the pain of my loss, because Ernie & I shared something very special, and to God above, I am 1million times grateful for having my beloved furbaby in my life.
I wouldn't have traded it for ANYTHING!!!!!

Please, keep coming to the site. There is a lot of wisdom and insight here; I know that I WOULD NOT be where I am if it weren't for the unconditional love of my boyfriend (and Ernie's dad for 3 years), Ben - and, for all the wonderful people on this site, who understand, and do not judge......

God Bless you!!!!
Love, Denise & Ben

p.s. your JayJay is a beauty, and is over Rainbow's Bridge, having fun with all the furbabies who have gone on before...... I find comfort in knowing that about Ernestine.....

(((((((( hugs )))))))))) to you and sympathy for your loss. We just put our baby (above) down yesterday - she was fine Sunday and now she's gone. I really do understand how you feel in that respect. Of course you want to cry and grieve, that is so normal. JayJay had a beautiful life with you, even if it was short. You know in your heart you loved her and gave her all the tenderness you could. There's nothing wrong with crying over it until it stops hurting so much. If that takes a week or a month or a year, so be it. It will take as long as it takes, you can't rush it or expect it to stop any time soon. I just found this forum yesterday and it really does help to read the other peoples stories -- we are all experiencing the same hurt and pain as you are. We DO understand - and we all want acknowledgement that our pets were valuable and worth remembering and talking about. I hope that your pain will ease a little, day by day, until you can think of your sweet JayJay and smile - not cry anymore. Until then, my thoughts, prayers and good wishes are with you. I am so sorry!
lori

Crying is as natural a part of life as laughing. But it is not disrespectful to their memory to stop crying...

Instead, every time you smile at a butterfly or a baby, think of Jay-Jay. Every time the sun falls on your face and a breeze blows through your hair, think of Jay-Jay. Picture him lying in the sun or leaning into the wind and do the same.

Cats take every day as it comes. A fitting tribute to them is to do the same. Enjoy what you can, in his memory, as long as you can. We all still cry now and then - but I cry because I miss them, and then just as quickly I am laughing at the memory of them doing something totally goofy.

Since Edgar, Jesse and Tom have all passed I pay closer attention to the sun on the grass, butterflies in the air and the birds as they fly by. I sit in a little spot on a window sill where Edgar used to spend hours and I read a book with the sun warming my body. And I always, always smile when I remember how truly deep and unwavering our love was and always will be.

I am sorry for your loss and hope that you can see - when you stop crying for them, you can start LIVING for them

Thank-you all for your kind word's, It seem's to help me knowing that I'm not alone and that there are people who understand about the deep sorrow associated with losing a beloved pet. I still can't believe that she's gone! I find myself calling her name even though I know that she won't answer (half hoping that she will!). I just don't want to forget anything about her! I had remembered an old website that I was doing year's ago and I had a little page with pics for each cat. JayJay was my second oldest of eight cat's, the oldest being 10 and the youngest going on 3. I also have 3 dogs ages 14, 12 and 7 so I know that I will have to go through this again many times. My youngest boy Ittsy had a brother named Bittsy that died when he was 11 months old.
I do know the song "The Dance" by Garth Brooks, it's a beautiful song and yes it is fitting. Boys2Men song "It's So Hard to say Good-Bye" is a tough one for me too! Especially today being the one year anniversary of my mom dying from pancreatic cancer. Today's a tough one!
Again, Thank-you for the support, please know that it does mean the world to me!

With Kind Regards;
Cheryl

Hi Cheryl:

I'm sorry for the loss of your mom... I can believe that today is a very tough day for you... You are surely in my thoughts!!!
Was your baby JayJay a "tortie" or a "tortie/calico mix"??? She has a lot of the colorings that our Ernie did...Ernie had a lot more black, white under her neck & chest, white hind paws....... So pretty; they're all beautiful!!
Tonight we are supposed to get a printer, so I hope that I will find a picture of our girl (that will do her all the justice that she rightly deserves), and I can put it on the site. I'm not real computer literate...hopefully it won't be too hard!!
You WON'T FORGET your JayJay....She is in your heart.

Do you now have 7 cats and 3 dogs??? Wow! I wish I lived in a place where I could have about 5 cats. I love dogs; but I'm allergic.


I think all of us, everyone who has a furbaby (or more), or has ever loved a furbaby; we are sooooo very lucky!! Their love is so unconditional.. Non-judgemental. I don't have "human children", only had "furchildren", and, I feel blessed.

You mentioned, "It's so hard to say goodbye"; yes, that is a beautiful and a very tough song.... Also, Dolly Parton's, "I will always love you"; that one REALLY does me in.. And, sometimes, I feel better after a good cry. I am happy that I can freely let that emotion out, when I need too.

God Bless you always,
Love, Denise

Dear Denise,

I'm actually not quite sure if Jay was a tortie or what. My Miss Tootsie and her daughter Libbie are Tortie's, but I always thought that JayJay was just Calico. I would love to see a picture of your sweet little Ernie. I know that she was so beautiful! I do love all animal's but I am totally hooked on cat's for some reason. I now have 7 cat's and the 3 dog's. I'd have 100 or more if I could. I just love them so much! Of course I have enough problems with what I have right now. Tootsie and Libbie share a room, Peanut and Sonnee-Girl have to each have their own room, and Dez, Munch and Ittsy stay in the main part of the house, as did JayJay. Jay was the only one that I did not have any type of behavioral problem's with. Every one else has issue's with spraying, going outside the litterbox and/or aggression towards the other cat's, but not Jay. She was the most well behaved baby I could've ever asked for. I keep thinking that this is some kind of insane nightmare and I'm going to wake up soon!

There's a possibility of thunder storms tomorrow in the A.M., and JayJay was so scared of thunder. She used to hide in the kitchen cabinets until the storm passed. It was so cute! I'd give anything to hear her banging those cabinet door's again! It kill's me thinking that she might be scared and I'm not there to protect her!

I remember, she got outside once a couple of year's ago when one of them had torn a hole in the screen on the back porch, and I was frantically looking for her everywhere worried to death because I live on a busy street corner, and I kept calling her and calling her until finally I heard this little tiny soft meow coming from behind the front bushes. Every time I'd say her name she'd meow back to me as if saying "I'm here mom!" It was so sweet! Jay never made any noise whatsoever, she was so quiet. That was one of the very rare time's that she meowed. I miss her so!

Thank-you for listening, I can't believe that it was this time last week I was still holding out hope thinking that she was going to be alright! It's so crazy how we torture ourselve's about certain things isn't it? God Bless! Cheryl

Hi Cheryl:

Love the new picture of JayJay....definitely a "tortie-calico mix" .... She has lots of black and all of the beautiful colorings that torties have.
My Ernie was just like Jay (and probably like a lot of our furbabies), in that she hated thunder & lightning (it's raining here in MA too)...
Whenever we'd hear thunder, I'd look for her and she'd look up at me as if to say, "okay mom, where can I go now"..... and, I'd say, "come in right here Ernie...."
Opening up the linen closet and she hopped right in, until the "danger" was over....
It really was the cutest thing...you gave me another happy thing to think about Thank you!!!
Your JayJay and Ernie aren't afraid of thunderstorms anymore...they're up above them, over Rainbow's Bridge....very safe & comfy....just like we would want them to be.
The torture can be immense, I know, we all KNOW!!!!! I'd give anything to have my Ernie stare at me, like she used to do for hours (and, I never knew why - I'd play with her, but she'd just stare... sort of "CAT"ATONIC .... no, really, she was my pretty girl, and I would love to look into her golden eyes again.... I know that we would all love to see our babies one more time!!!
I was just thinking, today it has been four weeks since Ernie had to be put to sleep.
2/7/2004 at noon....
And, do you know where we (Ben & I) today at 2:00pm???? AT A SHELTER FOR CATS!!!
I know we have our girls blessing.... But, it's weird, four weeks ago today we were uncontrollably crying....and today, I'm full of nerves like I'm about to deliver a human baby (I don't have any children).... Weird....
Though I've seen pictures of all the kitties on the website, and there are so many, many darling kitties.... We want to see "who adopts us"... If we could, we'd take them all home!!
Keep on the site, we'll talk again soon!
God Bless!! Love, Denise
p.s. Have fun with all your other furkids....so many, so much fun....