My cat died last night. She was 12 1/2.
She was fine Sunday night, her usual self. But she was constipated Monday morning (which has happened before) and I took her to the vet. She just got worse because her white blood cell count had been so low in the past few months that she could not fight off any infections. Yesterday I took her to another vet clinic around noon to get an ultrasound. I am so happy I got to see her. It was so sad, and she was so lifeless, but she knew it was me because she kept "talking" to me on the way over there. I'll never forget the grunting sounds she made in between talking - it sounded so much like a human. She couldn't lift her head and she was trying to look at me out of the corner of her eyes, so I held up her head so she could look at me.
The vet called last night and said it was quick, within seconds. She vomited blood and then immediately died. The vet said it was too quick for her to feel pain, and I'm glad that she was surrounded by people when it happened.
The vets felt that the low blood cell count was probably indicative of an underlying illness such as lymphoma.
So, I am glad for her that is was all so quick and painless, within a matter of 3 1/2 days, and she did not have to suffer for months during cancer treatments or surgeries or whatnot.

I have 2 other cats still, but Diapey was "the one". She was with me through a marriage, divorce, new found singledom. She slept beside me every night, and sat in my lap every night while I was on the computer. She was so sweet, I only heard her growl 1 time at a human. She hunted her "prey" (a feather toy) every night and brought it too me proudly. She'd throw rubber bands in the toilet or in the water bowl.

I feel like my heart has been ripped out and there is such a huge hole in my chest. Will the tears ever stop?

Dear Tammy,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Diapey. She sounds like such dear companion. Your relationship with her reminds me of my little Hobbie kitty. I have 2 other kitties, but Hobbie was my special girl. She and I would carry on long conversations before I had to leave for work in the morning. I miss her and I know you must miss Diapey very much.

The best advice I can give you is to allow yourself all the time and space you need to grieve and heal...cry, scream, get angry, and cry some more. Get out those feelings really will help. Some here once told me that the tears you cry are healing tears. Each one you shed helps you heal...it really is true.

You and Diapey are in my thoughts.
Hugs,
Kathleen

Dear Tammy,

I'm so sorry we both lost our beloved pets on the same day. My Rush saw me through a divorce as well. At times, I'd just collapse at the end of the stairs and cry and he'd always come along and sit in front of me and let me hug him tight and cry as long as I needed. He spent over a year just being with me when I was grieving. He was my constant companion as I adjusted to shared custody and an empty house every other week. He hated those non-custody weeks the most as his dearly loved "sister" who showered him with affection would disappear from his life. He stayed by her side and provided comfort when she adjusted to her new life as well. They were truly inseparable, she misses him desperately.

I'm sure that one day, we will think back on our memories and smile without eyes filled with tears, but that day is not today. I hope it helps you to know someone else knows exactly how you feel with the big empty hole where your pet used to be. Many hugs and sympathy to you,

Rushie's Mom

Dear Tammy,
I was so heartbroken reading your post. I know how devastating losing "the one" can be. I'm happy that you find some comfort in the fact that she didn't suffer, or have to go through agonizing procedures to help her condition, but it is still torture without her, I know.

This is such a terrible time, when the loss is so recent. I know it may not seem that way now, but it does get better. Little by little, day by day. I lost my Cosmo 3 months ago, and there is not a moment that passes that I don't think of him. However, over the last few weeks, the intensity of the waves of grief, have lessened. I am also able to begin to remember happier times with him, and it helps alot. It can take a long time to get there, but eventually, you will.
In the meantime, make sure to feel your loss and grief however you need to feel it. The feelings can be torture, but suppression ( something alot of people try to do) is never a good idea. It is hard enough having to live with this pain, so suppressing it will just make it come back harder, and at a time when you least expect it.
I'll be thinking of you as you try to go on without your baby, and know that I am here, as are many other supportive souls, and we will do all we can to help you when you need it.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

Thank you all for your kind words.

It helps to know that other people are feeling or have felt the same thing - that it is not strange to feel this much sadness and pain for a pet. I dread going to work on Monday, where most will expect me to be back to normal cause "she was just a cat". For the others that say "I'm sorry to hear about.." I know I will jut burst into tears.

Like other postings have said, the thing about pets is that they love you unconditionally and are always there for you, and that's part of what makes it so sad.

They are part of your family and it is a shame that people who do not have pets or who are not close to their pets cannot understand. But thank goodness for sites like these. When I lost my Bubba I never thought I would get over it. For days I was practically bedridden and when I finally did get up I got on the computer and found another site and just reading other peoples stories helped me and made me feel I wasn't crazy for feeling this way. It has been 8 months now since my cat Bubba's death, and I can honestly say it DOES get better. The dragon will come out every once in awhile, but overall it is much easier. I did have to take antidepressant, but whatever it takes. Take solace in your buddies memories and know that your beloved pet is up in heaven , so happy and healthy and waiting for the day to see you again. I will pray for you. Don't feel like you have to hide your grief. Let it be natural.

Carolyn