It has been a little over 1 month now since my dog "Emilio" (a long haired chihuahua) died on July 17, 2005, and I feel so sad, and am still having thoughts about wanting to join him now at the Rainbow Bridge.
It all started the morning of Sunday, July 17th, 2005. At around 8:30am I awoke to hearing him having a lot of breathing problems, and while I was looking up a nearby emergency vet in the area, he looked to be haviong a seizure. I thought right then and there, that he had passed on, but when I picked him up and wrapped a blanket around him, his heartbeat was extremely slow. I rushed him to the vet, and they were able to revive him, but was told that he had an underlying (unknown to me), congestive heart failure.
They said they could try to keep him alive, but the outlook didnt look to promising...not to mention what the costs would entail, with no guarantee of surviving a normal healthy life ever again. I decided to have him put to sleep to end his suffering, but am constantly re-thinking if it was the right decision or not.
I mean...what if there was that slim chance that he would survive. Emilio would have been 15 Years old in August.
I feel so devastated and am at such a lost. he was a child to me, since I have been single most of my life.
Will this pass, and will I ever get back to normal? I feel empty now, and dont know if getting another dog will make me feel normal again. I kind of feel guilty about getting another dog to replace my loss !!
I have decided to create a memorial garden for him in my backyard and will bury his ashes in it. I have also ordered a little headstone to be placed in it, in his rememberance. I also created a photo montage of him to place on my wall in the living room.
I still break down when I stare over at the couch he always like dot lay on and nap. I miss our daily routines that we had together.
I am just at a loss in what to do next, and how to proceed with my life now...minus my best friend.

I'M VERY SORRY AND I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH. EASY TO SAY BE THANKFUL FOR THE 15 LONG YEARS ETC. AND I GUESS IN THE END PROCESS
WE'LL COME TO REALIZE THIS BUT FOR NOW, JUST PURE EMOTIONAL PAIN. ONLY TIME CAN REALLY HEAL SO HANG IN THERE ; I'M DOING THE SAME ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES BARELY..

ONE OTHER THING : MAKE SURE YOU ARE GOING TO STAY IN YOUR HOME OTHERWISE KEEP HIS ASHES IN A SACRED SPOT IN THE HOUSE. THAT'S WHAT I DID BUT OF COURSE IT'S ALL PERSONAL CHOICE. JUST WOULD'NT WANT YOU TO BE "IN THE SAME FOG" THAT I WAS/AM IN AND MAKE THE WRONG DECISION.

GOD BLESS IN THIS VERY HARD TIME,
PHIL

Dear MsWells,

I am so sorry about your heartbreak!!!

My kitty, Little Girl, had congestive heart failure too (she was born with a heart defect and I didn't find out till years later), and she passed on in '04.

At Emilio's age and with his condition, I believe that even if the vet had been able to revive him, he wouldn't have gone on to live much longer at all. I really think you did the right thing by having him put to rest. You took his pain so that he could escape his!!

And Emilio is not gone, even though right now you're feeling lonelier than you've ever felt, and you crave his physical presence more than anything in the world! His spirit is still with you. And when it is your own time to pass on, you will be fully reunited with him. Emilio is in no emotional or physical pain. There are no time/space boundaries outside of these physical bodies, so to him it will seem like an instant and you'll be there, fully joining him. In the meantime, please do whatever you can to be able to go on in this world, for now. Apparently it was Emilio's time, but so far it's not yours (I can understand why you wish it was though!). I'll bet you have yet more love to give , and when your heart is ready, you may want to rescue another needy animal. It would be in Emilio's honor. He would be proud. It wouldn't be like replacing him---not at all.

If the roles were reversed and it had been you instead of him, you would want him to be okay. He wants the same for you. And remember, his spirit is still there with you, and he's fine.

Please keep in touch. You're in my prayers!

Kathy