REALLY, TO FEEL MUCH WORSE 7 WEEKS AFTER. MY SLEEP IS HORRIBLE. I'M VERY DEPRESSED AND ACTUALLY FEEL FEARFUL. ESPECIALLY WHEN AT HOME WHERE MY BEAGLE AND I LIVED. ALL I HAVE TO DO IS STARE AT ANYPLACE SHE USED TO BE AND THINK. AND THE TEARS FLOW READILY.. DOES THIS GET `ANY` BETTER AT ALL?
DO THE NIGHTMARES EVER END ? I DREAM "MY GOD, DOLLY'S GONE" AND THEN I REALIZE "I'M NOT ASLEEP" !
CAN'T CONCENTRATE - THE WHOLE `THOUGHT` HAS OVERTAKEN MY MIND OBSESSIVELY. SOMETIMES I WONDER AND DOUBT THAT ~TIME~ WILL HEAL AT ALL.
THIS ENTIRE EVENT STINKS-LOSING THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE AND THE EMOTIONAL DEVASTATION THAT FOLLOWS...
HAS ANYONE BEEN LIKE THIS AND RECOVERED ?
ANY COMMENTS / HELP IS GREATLY APPRECIATED.!

Hi Phil,
I'm afraid I'm where you are too. The first week was the worst (pure agony), the 2nd week was better, and now everything has gone WAY downhill...
I don't know why this happens...maybe the reality of the situation is setting in as time passes? I'm not sure...our mind sure does work in strange ways. I recently told someone that this is getting HARDER for me, almost unbearable. I find myself now sifting thru Dixie's ashes with my fingers, crying my eyes out, wishing that I could hold her, kiss her, tell her how much I want her back and miss her. I want to do that day (July 5th) OVER AGAIN. I want another chance. I made a horrible mistake and my dog died painfully because of it. I hate myself for it. I want to make it right, but knowing that there is nothing I can do is TORMENT. How does one live with the guilt, the pain..for the rest of their life??? I have 2 other dogs and I fear that one of them might have something wrong with her (I found some lumps in her chest and belly). I need to have it checked out and am TERRIFIED. I simply can't go thru losing anothe pet. The pain is horrendous.
So much for my comforting words.... I'm so sorry that you're hurting too. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Coming to this board and talking about this pain helps, though. I'm here everyday...even if I'm not posting, I'm reading. It's comforting that others understand and care....
And I care for you, and for your loss.
p.s. Thanks for the PM you sent me recently. Your words were a comfort to me.
Thinking of you,
Dana

DANA,
THANKS SO MUCH. YOU AND I LOST THEM RIGHT AROUND THE SAME TIME.
I'M NOT A VET , BUT MOST OF THE TIME LUMPS ON THE STOMACH, NECK, NOSE AREAS ARE ACTUALLY FAT DEPOSITS. THAT'S HOW I FIRST HAD DOLLY CHECKED. SHE HAD "LUMPS" WHICH REALLY WERE'NT RELATED. SO LET'S HOPE THATS ALL WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE. AND LET US KNOW.
I THINK YOU STATED DIXIE PASSED ON UNDER THE BED ? PERHAPS IN HER SLEEP.?
I FEEL I SHOULD HAVE WAITED LONGER / YOU FEEL YOU WAITED TOO LONG, THE WHOLE ISSUE STINKS - THE END OF OUR PETS LIVES HERE ON EARTH. AND THE ~LOVELY~ TRAUMATIC SYMPTOMS WE FEEL AFTERWARDS.
REMEMBER DANA, IN YOUR CASE IT WAS `NATURE` IN MY CASE `EUTH` BUT REALLY NATURE ALSO. I'M FEELING HEARTBREAK , PAIN , AND SO MANY MORE ~LOVELY~ EMOTIONS. BUT I WON'T FEEL GUILT. AH AH. WE'LD KEEP EM ALIVE FOR EVER. YOU KNOW THAT. IT'S NOT THE VETS FAULT EITHER. IT'S `NATURE` WHICH CAN BE SOOOOOOOOO CRUEL AT TIMES.
I STILL HAVE "FREDDIE" WHO I USED TO CALL DOLLY'S "HUSBAND" AND MY GOD, I LOVE HIM SOOO MUCH TOO BUT WHAT A PAIN TRIGGER HE IS NOW (SEEING HIM WITHOUT HER) I LOOK AT HIM AND CRY. HE'S 13 1/2 AND IT HORRIFIES ME TO THINK "HIS DAY IS COMING TOO".
IT'S EXACTLY THE MOVIE 'WHERE THE RED FERN GROWS' (MY YARD COULD HAVE A MILLION RED FERNS AND I'LD STILL FEEL TERRIBLE OVER THIS)
I DON'T LIKE TO LOOSE ANYTHING , MUCH LESS DEAR, DEAR LOVES LIKE DOLLY. I PRAY TO GOD I GET BETTER AT "HANDLING" LOSS IN GENERAL. PRAY 4 U 2.
WHY DOES "TIME" HAVE TO PASS ? IT'S UNIVERSAL I KNOW . BUT IT STINKS.
IT CERTAINLY IS'NT "NICE TO KNOW" ANY ONE ELSE IS SUFFERING OUT THERE ALSO.
I'M SORRY YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THIS TOO. REALLY.
MISERY DOESN'T ENJOY COMPANY LIKE THEY SAY : MY MISERY WOULD ENJOY SOME RELIEF.
SO KEEP ME POSTED AS TO HOW U R FEELING AND IF ANYTHING , THOUGHT OR TECHNIQUE HELPS.
TALK TO YOU SOON.
PHIL.

You are perfectly normal - there is no "regular" grieving period - just like there is no "normal" way to grieve.

Give yourself time - someone you love has passed away - you need to let your mind and soul recover. I know that we all wish the pain would be gone in a heartbeat but we need to be patient with ourselves.

Just remember - OUR day is coming too And hopefully, when that day comes, we'll close our eyes, open them, and our friends will be with us once again.

AND BOY DO I HOPE YOU ARE RIGHT !!!!!

Phil,
No, actually Dixie was hit by a car right in front of me. She had come with me to take the trash to the curb (as she had done a million times before). I live on the corner of a busy 4 -way intersection. It's a residential area, but people drive very recklesssly around here. Next thing you know, a woman is chasing a stray cat, Dixie and my other dog Frances gave chase...the cat and Frances made it, and Dixie was hit by an SUV. And the woman rolled down her window, said "sorry" and drove off. Dixie died in my arms about 20 minutes later on the way to the vet. I had just moved into this house about 3 weeks prior. And everyday I kick myself in the a** that I chose THIS house on the busy street when I actually had the choice of living somewhere else. If I had done ONE thing different that day, Dixie would still be here. Oh, the guilt.
Take care,
Dana

Oh Dana, you shouldnt blame yourself for that. Accidents happen, accidents that we think could have been avoidable. It does you no good to blame yourself for that. I know its easy to say but its more difficult to believe. I kept tormenting myself by saying if I had gotten Odin to the vet one day sooner it may have made a difference. I did what I thought was right. I've gotten over most of the guilt, but every now and then.. it sneaks in there.

My father had this rottie mix called Cheyenne. She was a cute little thing and she ADORED my dad. She was his little shadow. I was living at home at the time and they had started their camping excurions that summer. When he was gone she would run into the house, run upstairs into my parents bedroom run back downstairs and look at me wondering where he was. It was cute to watch. They were returning on a Monday and I was going to put her into her pen outside. My father wanted her in the garage because he didnt want to have to giver her a bath later. I thought it would be easier with her in the pen because they would come in from the garage and she would have bolted out to see him, but I did what he asked. My brother had a garage at the time which he was in the process of closing and we had a lot of his stuff in there, which made it difficult to see. As I was closing the door I called to her to make sure she was in there, which she was and I closed and locked the door and went to work. Apparently my brother came home later that day. And as he was leaving he didnt bother to make sure she was still in there and she later got hit by a truck. I came home later to see my father utterly devastated. I felt so bad. Had I just put her into the runway, that never would have happened. I still feel guilt about that to this day.

I believe that things happen for a reason, good or bad, they happen. I know that Odin wouldnt want me torturing myself over what I did or didnt do, much like your Dixie or Phil's Dolly. We all gave our pets wonderful, loving homes. The pain that we feel is a testiment to the amount of love and meaning they brought into our lives. Take whatever time you need to help you get through this....

Love to you all,
Cynthia

IM SORRY DANA. I DID POST TO YOU ABOUT THAT. AND MOMENTARILY, I HAD YOU CONFUSED WITH ANOTHER WOMAN WHOSE DOG DIED UNDER THE BED.
I DID TELL YOU I LOST BERU', A SETTER, WHEN I WAS ABOUT 14 YRS. OLD . AND I GUESS/ NO , I KNOW I LEFT THE KENNEL LATCH UNHOOKED BY MISTAKE. HE WAS HIT BY A VAN (NEVER STOPPED) .
I KNOW HOW BAD YOU FEEL.
AND AGAIN , I'M VERY SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN.

Hi Dana,

Accidents can be horrible awful things to live through. But we must try to remember that they are just that... accidents. We can't control them any more than we can control the weather. How we feel afterward though, can be anything but sensible.

I knew Qorquis death was my fault because I promised her that I'd never let anything bad happen to her and in the end, she was hit by a car. If only I hadn't gone to work that day she'd still be with me. If only I had gone home for lunch I'd have known my wife was drunk and I'd have been able to take the necessary precautions and Qorqui would still be with me. If only... If only... If only...

I beat myself up for three months with every possible reason it was my fault, and lots of impossible reasons where it was still my fault. After all, I had made a promise that I didn't keep. Therefore, I broke that promise. Therefore, IT WAS MY FAULT! See the logic?

It's not your fault. It was a devistating series of events, but a series of events that you had no control over. True, you could have gone down later in the day, but you had no way to know that going down when you did would be any different than normal. Just like you don't really know now that going down at any other time would have made any difference. One lesson my life has made painfully obvious to me is: "Feses occurs and there's nothing we can do about it." What we can do is to remember that we didn't throw our babies out in front of those vehicles, and, given the opportunity, we'd jump out there in their place if we could. Dixie and Qorqui knew how much they were loved in life, and they know (and understand) now how much we'd be willing to give to have them back.

Be patient. You'll probably be riding the grief roller coaster for a while yet. It's normal to have good and bad times. At first, I measured the good times in minutes or hours and the bad in weeks. Eventually the good and bad both became days. I'm looking forward to the time when good is measured in weeks and the bad becomes hours or minutes. For now though, it's enough for me that I'm not completely consumed by my grief anymore and that I can see the day coming when I'll be able to think about Qorqui and smile without tears. You'll get there too, it's just going to take time.

Tim

Phil.

I too had the "dream" you describe. I couldn't eat or sleep for weeks. If I slept it was from pure exhaustion, and it was nowhere near restful. Loss of sleep can make you "jumpy", and if Dolly brought you anywhere near the comfort that Qorqui brought me, her absense will make life in general kinda scary until you learn to adapt to life after Dolly. So it's easy to see how you could be feeling fearful. After all, your world has just been turned upside-down.

From what I've learned, it's normal to feel aprehensive when it comes to your surviving furries too. You may become over-protective, or worry about everything, or feel all kinds of mixed emotions regarding their care and well being, whether you're there with them or away at work all day. It doesn't matter. Your mind (mine anyway) can disasterize ANY scenario.

I really think that many of us have been much like you describe. It's going to get better. Don't be suprised though if you start to feel like it's getting better and you relapse into another really bad spell. It is like a roller coaster. You will have ups and you will have downs. If you've ever watched the stock market you can see that successful companies stock charts look kinda like a saw blade that's generally angled uphill. There are ups and downs but the average overall chart shows upward movement. Grief, for me anyway, has been much like that. I have good days and bad days, but overall, the average is that life is getting better little by little. I know I'll never be "over" losing Qorqui, but I will learn to live without her, and even be generally happy again.

Tim

YA KNOW THE WRITINGS OF YOU PEOPLE ON THIS SITE ARE BETTER THAN PSYCH. BOOKS OR ANYTHING. THEY HELP ~A LOT~. TIM YOU'RE SO RIGHT. AND THANKS VERY MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORTIVE POST/S.
I NOTICED YOU JOINED MARCH 05.; THAT'S LIKE 4 MONTHS LONGER THAN WHEN MY DEVASTATION BEGAN ( JUNE 29 05). PROVING THE (TIME) FACTOR ONCE AGAIN REALLY DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU'RE GETTING AT LEAST SOMEWHAT BETTER. "DIXIES MOM" AND I SUFFERED APPROX. AT THE SAME TIME, (ABOUT 7-8 WEEKD AGO) AND FROM POSTING WITH HER , I CAN SEE OUR LEVELS ARE ABOUT THE SAME.(NOT QUITE AS GOOD AS YOUR'S. AND A LOT OF TIMES DOWN RIGHT TERRIBLE ) BUT WE'RE HOPEFUL FOR IMPROVEMENT..
IT'S FUNNY HOW YOU USED THE STOCK CHART &%^OGY CAUSE I LOOK AT THEM EVERY DAY . AND YOU'RE INDEED CORRECT, THE PATTERN IS DEF. "SAWTOOTH" UPS AND DOWNS BUT HOPEFULLY WITH AN UPWARD TANGENT.
I CAN TELL BY THE MEMBERS WRITINGS AND WRITTEN THOUGHTS, THAT THERE ARE A LOT OF VERY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE HERE WHO THINK THEY'VE GONE "NUTS" ETC. SO IT REALLY DOES HELP ME TO KNOW I'M NOT ALONE. NOT THAT MY MISERY WANTS COMPANY - I LOVE ALL ANIMALS , NEVER WANTING BAD TO HAPPEN TO ANY OF THEM MUCH LESS THEIR LOVING OWNERS)
AS FAR AS ACCIDENTS , I LOST A SETTER AT 14 THIS WAY, YOU'RE RIGHT TIM, WE CERTAINLY NEVER TOSSED THEM OR ANYTHING. IT'S SORT OF LIKE "IN THE CARDS" , "AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT" AND NONE OF US CREATED "FATE". DOLLY'S CANCER, I VIEW THAT AS "IN THE CARDS" ALSO. DOGS NEVER SMOKE OR CHEW TOBACCO, BUT SOME HOW I FOUND A WAY TO BLAME MYSELF FOR THAT ALSO. SHE HAD A SMALL "SPOT" BACK IN OCTOBER , VET SAID IF WE OPERATE THERE'S 50-60% CHANCE SHE'LL NEVER COME OUT OF IT AT HER AGE . SO SEE, NOW THAT SHE'S GONE "I REALLY SHOULD'VE HAD THE SURGERY". OF COURSE IF I DID HAVE IT THEN AND SHE DID'NT MAKE IT `OH BOY` "I KILLED HER !!!!" JUST NOW I'M STARTING TO SEE THE ILLOGIC IN THIS.
I'LL NEVER REALLY UNDERSTAND THESE UNFAIR LIFE EVENTS BUT I'M CONVINCED THAT'S PROBABLY WHERE THE "FAITH" ISSUE COMES HEAD ON INTO PLAY.
ONE FINAL OBSERVATION : I NOTICE HOW NO ONE SEEMS TO EVER GET INTO `OTHER` PROBLEMS OF THEIRS - JUST THE LOSS OF THEIR BELOVED PET. WOW! THAT SPEAKS VOLUMES..PROVING WHAT A HUGE PART OF OUR LIVES THEY ARE.

Cynthia, Tim, and Phil,

I read all your posts several days ago and want to thank you all for your kind words and compassion.
I haven't felt up to posting the last week or so. I fell into a really dark pit of depression. I am slowly coming out of it, but it has been slow going. It hurts so bad that I sometimes feel that the only way I'll EVER be whole again is if I could rewind the clock, do the day over, and have my dog back. I know that sounds ridiculous....
People and animals die everyday...it is a part of life. My sweet wonderful grandma died 2 years ago and it hit me like a ton of bricks. But as much as I loved my grandma, I can honestly say that this has been the worst pain I have ever felt. Ever.
Honestly, though, I have to look on the bright side. So many have lost so much more. Some have lost children, babies, or more than one animal. I've been spared of any real pain for most of my 36 years. I guess it was my time to get a dose of reality..???
Whatever the reason for Dixie's tragic passing, I am so thankful for this forum, for the people that post here, and for the comfort that is provided. I truly love you all (in a "stranger" kind of way.).
Dana

YAH DANA, YOUR WELCOME AND IT'S AMAZING ; YOU AND I ARE ALMOST IDENTICAL IN TIME, FEELINGS ETC. I'VE LOST A LOT OF PEOPLE INCLUDING BOTH PARENTS AND WITH NO DISRESPECT TO ANY-THIS HAS HURT MORE THAN ALL. (DEATHS, RELATIONSHIPS, EVERYTHING)
WHOEVER THE PERSON WHO COUNSELLED "GET A PET IF YOU FEEL UNLOVED" BOY ,THEY WERE RIGHT. BUT THEY NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THE INCREDIBLE DEVASTATION YOU ARE GOING TO FEEL WHEN YOU OUTLIVE THEM , WHICH IN ALL PROBABILITY, WE WILL.
I THINK PART OF THE " HURT MORE THAN PEOPLE" WHICH I HEAR ALMOST UNIVERSALLY ; IS THAT I SAW "DOLLY" AS A 12 1/2 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL. LIKE MY DAUGHTER. MY GIRL KEEPS TELLING ME "YOU'VE GOT TO REALIZE SHE WAS MORE LIKE AN 80 SOMETHING YEAR OLD LADY. SHE'S RIGHT. I KNOW. BUT IT STILL DOES'NT EASE THE PAIN OF THIS LOSS.
BEEN 1 3/4 MONTHS FOR ME (JUNE 29TH) OR "D DAY" AS I WILL 4EVER REMEMBER IT, AND PART OF ME IS STILL IN SHOCK. REALLY. REMINDS ME OF A QUOTE FROM A NEIL YOUNG SONG "AIN'T IT FUNNY HOW YOU FEEL WHEN YOU FIND OUT IT'S FOR REAL"
SURE IS; IT'S SHOCKING AND IT S_CKS REAL BAD.