Hi Everyone. My name is Emily. This is a lovely site. It's good to know there are others who love their pets as fiercely as I do. I tried to post yesterday but was just too emotional to finish.

I had to put my kitty Scarface down last Monday. He was such a fighter. He was one of three kittens born in his litter. Only Scarface and his brother, Jack, made it. Little Dre passed away the 2nd day, the momma cat didn't produce enough milk for all the kittens. We hand fed them KMR in a tiny baby bottle to keep them alive. AT about 3 months he got a really bad respiratory infection. We had to nebulize him every 4 hours. The vet had us steam up the bathroom & run a hot shower for 20-30 minutes every four hours! It was so rough. I don't have children but I imagine that is what it must be like with the feeding schedules. Scarface was weak, he was at the vet every couple of weeks after his birth and that continued through his life.

We had him tested for FeLV & FIV but the test was negative. My fiance, the vet & I all tried everything. We tested him for all diseases & tried all kinds of meds in addition to hollistic methods. He was on dexamethasone (steroids) for the last 7 months of his life. Scarface had a bad knee, we were hoping to get him strong enough to handle the surgery to fix his knee. Then his paws got infected. I don't know what happened, we NEVER let him outside, he had all of his shots and my fiance works from home so Scarface was never alone or unsupervised. Scarface started to lose a lot of weight. He was only about 4 pounds when we took him to the vet Monday night. The vet said Scarface was in a lot of pain & there was nothing he could do. I was so angry I wanted to smack him. How dare he give up on my handsome boy! Scarface was really calm and just sat there in my arms. I was in denial.

The look on Scarface's little kitty face was strained. He looked ready. It broke my heart. I knew it was time. I called my fiance & he came down. My mom & sister were there already with me for support. I think I knew what was coming. We held him and stroked him until he relaxed. It was very fast. He didn't even close his eyes. The vet & all the assistants know us by first name since we are there so much. Gail, the sweetest lady you'll ever meet, is the #1 assistant there. She came in and said goodbye to her "little Saturday buddy." We always took him on the weekends so we could be there with him instead of dropping him off. That was really tough. My Scarface was a lover and had numerous people friends.

My other cat Nikita is confused. She keeps looking for him in his hiding spot. They used to play hided & seek. Scarface would hide and Nikita would hunt him down and spar with him. She would clean him and slept curled up next to him on our bed. It's breaking my heart to watch her hunt for her friend that is not going to be there. She has been much more loving since Scarface as gone.

The vet sent us a card and a note. I am going to have to get his ashes sometime next week. They couldn't do the paw print. I really wanted one, but they couldn't do it. The next few weeks and months are going to be so lonely. I need to get all my picures of him together and make a scrapbook.

I just had to get this all out. This is almost as bad as when my Grandparents passed away. Thanks for listening.

Dear Emily,

I am so sorry about your poor scarface. I know that you loved him very much and did your very best for him.
My husband and I are greiving for the loss of our baby too. We have lost two cats in less than two months. The first was
a tiny feral kitten that my husband found in some brambles named Briar. It was evident from the beginning that she
had some problems. Her front legs were crooked and her hips were really wide. On top of that, when we took her
to the vet that first day , the vet told us that he thought she had "Manx syndrome". We cared for her for 9 days,
taking her to the vet every day to have her bladder and bowels emptied for her. Till the end we thought that the vet
was making a rash diagnosis. It wasn't until we took her to a specialist that we faced the truth and had to put her down. Even though we only had her in our care for 9 days, we felt her loss to the depths of our souls. My husband is a big man and when the nurse left us alone he actually fell onto the floor crying.

We cried and cried and cried, and still sometimes are crying for little briar who touched our hearts. The thing is, we both of us would rather have loved her and suffered her loss than have never known her. Little did we know that
in such a short time we would lose our baby Luna as well. If you are feeling like we are, you must be very very sad.
Our thoughts are with you. It is an honorable thing to mourn the loss of your little scarface.

Heidi

hi my name is sheri and i also know what you are going through we lost our kitty six just a month ago and it was sudden i didnt want six or ducktape going out but they would sneek out. one morning my son was on his way to work and found hom. he was davastated. we had a funeral that afternoon when russ got home we cryed and cryed. well my other son (10) went to the fair and came home with a little black kitten he has ll"white that is what russ named him. ducktape isnt to happy she keeps hissing at the kitten she also did the samething to six. i hope they can get along. i know it does get better as time goes on thanks for listening

Hi Emily,

I am so sorry to hear about Scarface. I know its not much comfort for you but you can take solace in the fact that you did everything that you possibly could to help him. When you essentially raise a kitten from birth, which I have done myself, you form a special bond that some people just dont understand. I picked up Odin ashes two weekends ago and like you I was hoping for a paw print, which I didnt get. I've never had an animal cremated before and I wasnt sure what to expect. I should have asked but I was too upset. Had I known I would have done one myself when I said goodbye to him at the hospital.

You will find that Nikita will go through her grief as well. My other cat Loki, Odin brother has been very clingy. Recently he has taken to waking me up in the middle of the night with his crying which he never did before and its been over three weeks now. I still catch him looking for his brother every once in a while. Just give her some extra attention until she feels comfortable without Scarface. It does get better. I only break down maybe once or twice a day if that. The hardest part is getting through that void in your life until you too can heal.

Take Care
Cynthia