I lost my precious bulldog this past Saturday in a terrible and unexpected way. I am feeling all sorts of emotions - guilt, sadness, anxiety, anger, and just plain missing him. There was not one part of my life that was not touched by him, even though I only had him for 2 short years. As I walk around my house, I can see him everywhere and think about him every minute of the day - where he used to sleep at the foot of my bed, how he sat underneath the table by my feet as I worked, our long walks together in the Central Park...

Last weekend, he was flying across the country to be with my ex-boyfriend (long story) and he did not make it... We had planned this so carefully - doing all the research on airlines, going to the vet repeatedly, trying out kennels - so it was an absolute shock to find out that he passed away. We still have no idea what happened, but the vet will let us know in a few weeks. To make matters worse, the airline had no protocol for a situation like this. They promised that a vet would be there in 5 minutes, but only an animal medic showed up 5 HOURS later. The airline has made no response whatsoever.

So as we wait to hear what happened (which we may never ever know), I am struggling to deal with my feelings of incredible sadness and guilt. I've been turning to this forum, a pet loss hotline, my ex, friends, and family for support. Thank goodness for all of these resources. But I can't shake the sense that I let him down because he died so tragically. I spent so much time trying to protect from things in the city, but yet I was the one to put him on the plane.

He was such an amazing dog, so smart and charismatic - a little guy with BIG personality. He always put smiles on people's faces and could always cheer me up. I miss him so much it feels like my heart is broken.

Oh no!
I am so sorry to hear this. Two years *is* a short amount of time--I felt sort of cheated by the five years I got to spend with my Ixty, so I can't even imagine less.

I hope you get to the bottom of this. How terrible that you were met with indifference. My heart goes out to you.

Of course all of your emotions are valid, but maybe try not to get too carried away on the anger part. I imagine you want justice done to your sweet dog's memory, but if you attatch more negativity to this situation you might not do yourself any favors in the long run.

Your dog knew you loved him, and he loved you too--you can see it in his eyes.

I am so sorry that you have to go trhough this. I too just lost my furbaby tragically this past Saturday at not even 2 years old. After 10 minutes in the house and him outside, we found him in the bottom of the pool. We tried everything and got him to the vets... but he passed anyways.
I too have lots of guilt.. maybe I should have been around... not left him alone, etc. But I am starting to realize that
all that is not helping me ... what we need to remember is that we loved our babies, took care of them and gave them the best life we could.
Seeing how you wrote of him it sounds like he was a happy little dog. Which shows he was loved and taken care of... and he knew it!
I know my furbaby hated it when I was sad and would do anything to make me happy... I realize now he would hate to see me being sad and to honor him I am going to pick myself up and move on. No, I will not forget him and yes, I will probably still have sad days but I need to start to remember the good times with him instead and honor the dog whom I loved so much.
I hope I helped even if in a small way. Don't blame yourself, you did nothing wrong! Hold him in your heart and start to remember the good times you had.

My heart goes out to you. I'm sitting up with you, mourning my Ginger. I'm so glad I found a place like this to talk.
God be with you and give you strength.

I'm so sorry to read about your tragic loss. I can't begin to imagine how hard it is to lose your baby that way. I do know the pain you feel, and all the other emotions that go hand in hand with it. No matter how long they are with us, or how tragically they pass, it hurts like nothing else I've ever felt.
For your sake, I hope you find out what happened, maybe it will help to know, maybe not. Please don't blame yourself, if you could have known, you wouldn't have put him on the plane, so try not to feel guilt in something so unexpected.
It is going to be so hard for you without him, I know, but eventually as time passes, you will begin to replace the loss with happier memories. I am glad to hear that you are turning to so many different resources for help, and I hope you will find what you need to move through this horrid pain.
I also wanted to add that your baby was a handsome and strong fellow, and I know how hard it is to not have him with you anymore. Try to remember everything you gave to him while he was in your life, and maybe you will find some comfort.
I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry, and I understand your pain. Please keep coming here to let us know how you are doing, and if you can, what happened to him. We will always be here listening with compassion and understanding.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

Thank you so much for your words of sympathy and support. It brought tears to my eyes to read all of your thoughts and prayers. I know how much I loved Willie and how much he loved me in return. And I know that I should not blame myself for cir%%stances out of my control. Even though I know all of this, the sadness and guilt still creeps in. That's why reading all of your replies is so incredibly helpful. So helpful that I've read them over and over again!

I don't think he would've wanted me to mope around, so I am trying to make an effort to go out and do things. I have found that at my lowest points, looking at pictures of him is really helpful. It helps bring back all the good memories we have together and helps me remember that he lived a happy life.

My anger towards the airline has really been secondary to my own guilt. My ex-boyfriend is having a completely different reaction to all of this than me - he is extremely angry and wants to change regulations in pet transportation. I am trying to tell him to take some time to grieve before jumping into the mess of legal issues. I think it will only prolong the grieving process if he focuses on only the airline aspect of it...

Anyways... one day at a time. It really is an emotional rollercoaster. Willie was my first dog. Before him, I never knew how much love and joy an animal could bring to a person's life. Now I know, and I'll keep that in my heart forever...

I'm so sorry for your tragic loss of Willie. He was absolutely adorable.

I think you're correct in saying that Willie wouldn't want you to mope around forever, but make sure you give yourself the time and space you need to grieve your loss.

I too find a lot of comfort in looking at pictures of Shiloh and Hobbie. What I've also done that has helped with my grief is I've made a memory list for both of them. Everytime I remember something about one of them, I write it down in their memory list. When I feel sad, sometimes I'll read back through the memories I've recorded and I always end up smiling.

You and Willie are in my thoughts.
Kathleen