LOST MY 13 YEAR OLD "DOLLY" AN INCREDIBLE LOVE. THANK GOD NO TRAMA OR GUILT; SHE HAD LIVER CANCER AND TUMOR IN HER ABDOMIN. I STAYED WITH HER WHEN THE VET "PASSED HER OVER" WHAM ! A TRUCK HIT COULD'NT HAVE PUT ME IN ANY MORE SHOCK. A SURREAL FEELING HIT THAT, IF ANYTHING HAS GOTTEN WORSE. THERE IS A PEDIGREE DOG FOOD COMMERCIAL STARTS "WE;RE FOR PUPPIE" THE 4 PUP IN (BEABLE/BASSET WITH BEAUTIFUL EARS ) LOOKS JUST LIKE HER WHEN SHE WAS A PUP. I CAN'T WATCH THAT WITHOUT BREAKING DOWN. IN FACT THE WHOLE HOUSE, FENCED IN YARD, HER KENNEL EVERYWHERE SEEMS 'HAUNTED' VERY PAINFUL REMEBERANCES. HAVE I GONE CRAZY? I AM ACTUALLY AFRAID TO GO HOME. HER PARTNER "FREDDIE" IS STILL ALIVE (THANK GOD) AND WELL. HE'S 13 1/2. SEEING HIM WITHOUT HER // WOW ! IT'S A KILLER ! HE WON'T LEAVE MY FEET. BOTH MY PARENTS HAVE PASSED AUNTS, UNCLES ETC.; THIS IS THE SADDEST SITUATION I THINK I'VE BEEN IN. WHEN THEY WERE PUPS I WATCHED A VERY SAD, BUT TERRIFIC MOVIE CALLED 'WHERE THE RED FERN GROWS' I THINK ? BOUT A YOUNG BOY AND HIS TWO PRIZED COONHOUNDS. ANYONE EVER SEE IT ? SOMEDAY I KNEW THEN, THAT I WOULD BE THAT 'LITTLE BOY' EVEN THOUGH NOW I'M OVER 35. THAT DAY HAS COME ..

ANY HELP GREATLY APPRECIATED. AND THANKS,
PHIL.

Hi Phil,
I know exactly how you feel. I adopted two feral kittens (brothers) and had them for three years. I recently lost one of my babies Odin two weeks ago. His brother Loki for the first week was constantly searching for him, very restless. He also became and still is very needy. For animals that close it is a natural reaction. It has been killing me to watch him because I can only imagine how lonely he is without his brother. I have been spending as much time with him as I can, I give him the attention that he wants and deserves. It has actually helped me a lot, knowing that I still have something to look forward to when I go home. I give him kisses and tell him this is for you and this is for your brother Odin. Be gentle with Freddie and know that he feels your pain as well. He can give comfort to you as well as you to him. I hope this helps you.

My thoughts are with you.
Take Care,
Cynthia

Hi Phil,
I'm so sorry for your loss and pain. I personally, have had a tougher time losing my baby than I did when I lost my grandparents. I guess it's just different because they lived a long life, and at the end, there was a funeral and alot of understanding and support. Other than this forum and my boyfriend, it seems the other people in my life cannot relate to the intense pain I am in.
It can be especially difficult to watch a baby that still remains with you, agonize over your loss of Dolly. Grief knows no boundaries. That is why I can't understand how some people think that losing a pet is less than losing a person. Obviously pets have souls and emotions, or they would not bond with us and each other. My cat Rufus, was not very close to Cosmo, but since Cosmo passed, he is stuck to me like glue. Though I never really noticed him grieving, but maybe I was too wrapped up in my own grief to notice.
I did see that movie, and read the book. It was terrific and extremely sad, I cried then, and understood the pain even before I experienced it myself. I have had animals since I was born, and lost gerbils and cats when I lived home with my parents, but it is different when you raise them yourself, with no help from anyone. The bond is tighter, I think, but I have always been torn up over all of my losses.
My heart goes out to you and Freddie, this is such a difficult time for both of you. I'm glad that you do not have guilt, and that Dolly did not experience trauma, that can give you SOME Peace. Lean on each other to get you through, and of course, you can lean on all of us here at the forum. We understand and care. This forum has been my salvation, and I hope you find the same sense of comfort within.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

THANKS VERY MUCH CYNTHIA AND MICHELE,
MICHELE , I JUST CAME TO THIS SITE AND YOU'RE RIGHT, IT HELPS A LOT AND THERE SURE ARE A LOT OF GOOD PEOPLE. I AM SORRY FOR BOTH OF YOUR LOSSES AS WELL. SINCERELY. AND CYNTHIA , I ALWAYS HATED TO SEE YOUNGER PETS PASSING FOR ANY REASON. BUT I CAN SAY EVEN THOUGH DOLLY WAS PUSHING 13 ,WAS REALLY ' SPOILED BUT GREAT DOG NONETHELESS, AND I KNEW SHE WAS "GOING" I TRIED TO PREPARE MYSELF AHEAD "SHE LIVED A PRETTY LONG LIFE , NEVER ILL" ETC. BAMB ! IT STILL HIT ME VERY HARD. SO EVEN IF THEY LIVED TO 50 ' I THINK IT STILL IS TOUGH. SUCH A SEPARATION.
I LOST BOTH PARENTS BY 12, SO I REALLY WONDER IF THIS TYPE LOSS IGNITES DEEPER STUFF ? BUT YA KNOW WHAT AFTER READING SOME OF TESTIMONIALS, I THINK I'M REALLY NOT SO MUCH DIFFERENT THAN OTHER PEOPLE.
AND YOU'RE RIGHT MICHELE, MOST PEOPLE REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND OR REALLY DON'T CARE. SHELTERS SHOW THE PROOF OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T GIVE A CARE FOR 4 LEGGED FRIENDS. EVEN MY "GIRLFRIEND' WAS GIVING ME THE "GET OVER IT'" STUFF. IRONICALLY , THAT'S THE KIND OF STUFF A LOVING PET NEVER DOES. AMAZING . I SURE WILL BE GREAT TO FREDDIE. YOU BET. AND HE IS AN AMAZINGLY LOVING ANIMAL. AT 13 1/2 I AM SCARED AGAIN WHEN HE GOES. BEAGLES GO ABOUT 14-16 AT THE MOST. THE 17 , 18 YRS.OLDS I'VE SEEN WERE REALLY SAD TO SEE. BLIND CRIPPLED ETC. SO FRED CAN STILL RUN A RABBIT (FOR FUN, I DO NOT HUNT) AND HE'S IN GREAT SHAPE. SO I HOPE I GET AT LEAST A COUPLE MORE YEARS OF RECOVERY BEFORE I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS HORRIBLE PAIN. THANKS AGAIN !
PHIL L.

Phil,
I am so very sorry to hear about your baby Dolly.
I can't add anything that hasn't already been said, but please know that I (and everyone on this board) knows exactly what you are feeling. It is horrendous...
I know what you mean about not wanting to be home....I, too avoided home as much as possible for about 2 weeks. It is STILL hard to be home (and it's been exactly 5 weeks now ...I HATE Tuesdays now ), but it is SLOOOWWWLY getting easier. What we wouldn't give to have our pets with us forever, but we can't...
The only thing we can do is cope! And coping SUCKS.
I hope this isn't too sensitive a question, but do you plan on having Dolly's ashes at home with you?
I have Dixie's.... it's tough, but at the same time, she is with ME, and I need that. (I'd rather have her , though )
Take care of yourself and know that it WILL get easier.
Dana

DEAR GOD ,
DIXIES MOM/DANA, I JUST WENT BACK AND READ YOUR STORY~I HOPE I'M NOT OPENING UP PAIN~ WHEN I SAY HOW VERY SORRY I AM FOR YOUR WHOLE EXPERIENCE. I WROTE IN A PRIOR ENTRY THAT I WAS THANKFUL FOR DOLLY DIEING NATURALLY WITH NO TRAUMA, NOT REALLY THINKING ABOUT ALL THE GREAT PEOPLE HERE WHO HAVE LOST LOVES THIS WAY. MY HEART GOES WAY OUT TO YOU AND ALL.
HOWEVER WHEN I WAS TWELVE, I DID LOOSE "BERU",( A BEAUTIFUL IRISH SETTER )TO A VAN HIT AND IRONICALLY A HIT AND RUN. I KNOW GOOD PEOPLE ARE TAUGHT NOT TO WISH BAD ON 'ANYONE' BUT, OH WELL ! I STILL HOPE THAT `PERSON` HAD THEIR DAY. YOUR VILLAIN WILL TOO. I DO BELIEVE IN KARMA.
YES, I DO HAVE DOLLY'S ASHES AND YOU' RE RIGHT ; PAINFUL, BUT GREAT KNOWING THEIR ~ENERGY~REGARDLESS OF WHAT FORM, IS RIGHT THERE WITH YOU. AND WHEN MY DAYS ON EARTH ARE OVER I USED TO WISH TO BE FLUNG HERE AND THERE, NOW, I WANT TO BE RIGHT NEXT TO DOLLY AND FREDDIE. HECK MAYBE BLEND US TOGETHER LIKE A MILKSHAKE 'SORT OF''. PEOPLE AROUND ME THINK I'M KIDDIN.I'M NOT.
REMEMBER DANA, YOU~SAVED~DIXIE'S LIFE WHEN YOU WENT BACK THERE. AND THE QUALITY YOU BOTH RECEIVED WAS INCREDIBLE. THERE IS NOTHING I CAN SAY TO YOU EITHER. BUT, ALTHOUGH I WANT ME TO ADJUST ALSO , I HOPE GOD AND NATURE TAKES CARE OF YOU FIRST . YOU DESERVE IT FOR ALL YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH. GOD BLESS .AND THANKS .
PHIL.

Phil

Phil, I read your story, my Max was 14 and I thought I was doing the right thing for him by letting him go, and I still do. But when the vet injected him it was like my world collapsed. I have another dog who is lost too and I have a hard time being home or most anywhere because he loved to ride in the car and went lots of places with me. I think it is hard to watch them get old and I watched him constantly the last few years, he had cancer that was supposed to kill him removed 2 years ago and the vet said he might make it another month.and he made it 2 years. I thought I was ready for it but I really wasn't. My heart goes out to you. Pat

Phil,
Wow, thanks for your kindness and sympathy. ALthough I am crying as I type, your bringing up Dixie's dying did not open up any old wounds. They're still open and I think it'll be that way for a long time.
I really appreciate what you said...that I saved her. It makes me feel good. And I need to hear that...we ALL do. For 5 weeks or so, my head has been filled with NEGATIVE stuff.. I (for some unknown reason) keep replaying and reliving the events of that day in my head. I keep remembering new and horrible details and it is becoming HARDER sometimes for me to deal with this.
But your words to me were POSITIVE and made me feel better. And I want to thank you.
I believe in "karma" too....what goes around comes around. And I think this woman who killed Dixie and found it fit to drive away rather than help us will someday get paid back. God forgive me for being unforgiving...
maybe someday I can be, but right now is too hard. Too hard...
Take care, Phil...I hope you can post a pic of Dolly soon.
Love, Dana