Yesterday 8/5/2005, was one of the hardest days of my life. I had to put my friend (who happened to be a cat) Gaucho to sleep after having him for 18 years. He was dying on kidney failure and I didn't have to heart to put him through the treatments. He always hated going to the vet and after a long life of 18 years, I just couldn't see making him go through treatment for just a little more time.

Gaucho came into my life when I was just a 12 year old boy so he was always there for some of the most challenging parts of growing up. Breakups with girlfriends, bad days at school, greeting me home from college to bad days at work. He is part of the fabric that is me. When I moved out of my parents house I left Gacuho at home because I didn't think it would be fair to him. He was already 10 years old and set in his ways and we also had his brother Smitty, who was my sisters cat. I live near nearby though and everytime I walked into that house he would come to me and "meow" in that way that I knew meant "You have to pet me now!"

My mom called me last week to tell me that something was wrong with Gaucho. He lost interest in food. This was disturbing, especially coming from Gaucho. He was a cat known to steal french fries or my ham sandwich if I was distracted by something. His back legs were extremely weak and I think you guys unfortunately know the rest. My mom and dad let me make the final decision, to try and continue on with treatment.....or say goodbye.

I can tell you that it was brutal but decision. I took yesterday off from work and went to my parents house hours before the appointment. I sat with Gaucho in his favorite spot for hours, just me and him, petting him and saying goodbye. When the time came to go to the vets I made sure I was with him the entire time. I thought I was going to be a crying mess, but I found strength to concentrate on making sure Gaucho was as comfortable as possible. When he was gone, it was time to be a crying mess.

Thank you for the website. Just being able to write it out has helped, if only just a little. I miss Gaucho but will never be without him because he is part of who I am. I love you Gauchy!!!

I am so sorry for your loss. Its always hard to make that decision, when you love them that much. Do you cling to them for one more day or give them the peace that they deserve... You can take comfort that you were there for Gaucho when he went and know that he appreciates how comfortable you made him and loves you for it. Its never easy saying goodbye to someone you love, especially when they have shared so much of your life. We all understand what you are going through. Come back when you need to...


Cynthia

I was so sorry to read your post. I lost my Cosmo exactly the same way, kidney failure and the decision to be there and put him down. It's been just over 10 weeks, and I'm still finding my loss to be unbearable.
Cynthia is right, it is so hard to say good bye to someone you love. Some of us will never be the same, and we have to live with that fact.
This forum is awesome though, it has helped to save me, and has been my light in the recent darkness. Make sure you take all the time you need to grieve and cry, there is no set amount, it varies with each of us. If you can't (or don't want to) share it with those closest to you, you can always trust your feelings here. There are some VERY SPECIAL people here who have total understanding, and an immense amount of compassion for people just like you (and me).
I hope, in time, you will find peace and comfort, but it is a long hard road. There is no telling how intense your feelings will be, or how long that intensity will last.
If you look up some of my posts, you can see all the comfort I have been given for the same situation you are in, and it may help you.
I will be thinking of you and Gaucho.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

I'm sorry to hear that you lost Gaucho. My cat TJ passed away only 5 days ago. He also had kidney failure and that led to anemia. TJ was 22. I think Gaucho was 18 you said. Both of us are extremely lucky to have had them for such a very long time. Some people only get to have their pets for a few short years. No matter how long we have them~it's never long enough. I wish I could have had TJ for another 22 years. Watch for a sign from Gaucho. I don't know if you believe in such things but I have had several pets pass and I have always gotten a sign. Read my last post under " unsympathetic spouse" and see what I mean. You might think I'm crazy...but I assure you I'm not!
The terrible thing about kidney failure is that there isn't much you can do. I did sub-q fluids, diet change, gaviscon, and winstrol for the anemia. It gave me an extra 5 months with TJ and for that I am greatful. I mean...he was 22 and Gaucho was 18 already. Usually kidneys are one of the first organs to go after a certain age. I just wish the medical community would find better treatments for CRF already. It's never easy trying to decide to let them go naturally or to help them. Take comfort in knowing that you were with Gaucho and didn't leave him...rest assure that he knew you loved him.

Thoughts and prayers,
Lisa...NOAH'S ARK

Thank you all for your support. I can sympathize with a spouse not understanding. While my wife has been very supporitve, she does not quite understand the depth of emotion. I don't get mad though, she never really had pets in her home growing up so this is all new to her. If I put things in that kind of framework everything makes much more sense to me. Not that it makes it any easier, just that I don't blame her for the way she reacts.