I had a cat named Jazz. He was never let outside because I didn't want him to get hurt, and we live by a well-travelled road. Anyway, Jazz wanted nothing more than to be outside. When my daughter brought him home, he had never been let into a home. One day my grandson was about to leave. He held the door open as he waited for his parents to leave. Before I could ask him to close the door, Jazz was racing out. We looked for my boy for an hour, but he was hard to see as it was night and he was a dark grey and black striped tiger/tabby. The next morning I had to get my car to the repair shop to be fixed. I looked for my baby, but I had to hurry as my husband had to get to work. I followed my husband in his truck so he could take me back home. On the way to the shop, I saw something roll under my husband's truck. I thought it was a tire shred from a truck. When I went by it, I saw that it was a cat. I couldn't stop as I didn't know where the shop was at so I had to follow my husband We dropped the car off; I told my husband what happened and we sped back to the spot. I knew it was a cat; I just didn't know it was mine. We got there, and I made my husband go look because by this time, I was fearful that it might be my cat. Well, it was. I broke down sobbing. My husband said that it died immediately. I don't want to go into the why's of why he said that. He drove me home, and all I could do was play the whole scene over and over again in my mind. My husband went back to get the get as I couldn't take seeing my sweet baby Jazz dead. When I got home, I stayed in bed for a week. I felt so guilty; I hated myself. I posted a message about Jazz's visits that healed me. Now, I have fond, sweet, and bittersweet memories of my baby boy Jazz. I did not have him long enough. I still can't bring myself to get another; though in time I might; I'm just not ready to do so. I know that my baby forgave me and let me know he loved me by his visits. Thank you for letting me share, on this, his near anniversary of the time he passed.

i was incarcerated for 5 days and on the 4th day my most precious friend, my 4 yr old black lab, bear, was hit by a truck out front of our home . my wife contacted our vet and was told to bring him over. he did not say he was unable or unavailable to help. when the vet arrived with his arm in a sling, he called my 85 lb dog to walk himself into his office, checked his outward appearance, said he needed ivs and fluids and care he was unable to give due to recent shoulder surgery. he recommended an animal hospital 70 miles away. he then told my dog to walk himself back to the car. more than an hour and a half later my dog was seen by another vet and my wife was told he had chest trama and he needed ivs and steroids to prepare my baby for open heart surgery (by then he was to weak for shock therapy). by then it was too late and he died before he made it to surgery.i know that the time that was wasted by our vet was the vital time that cost our bear bear his life. i don't know what to do to expose this vet's negligence of this critical time frame knowing that he was hit by a truck and needed immediate care . he should have explained that he shouldn't (couldn't) be working. he was unavailable for emergency care and she needed to go elsewhere for help. i need to ensure that this type of atrocity doesn't happen to other pet owners. i don't know how to check this vets public record to see if anyone else's pet has been needlessly lost. if anyone can advise me the proper avenues to pursue it might help my sanity to return. i have been unable to go to work , be around other people, or even allow my friends who know how much a loss i suffered to help me. most of my love and support comes from bear's kitty, josie , who is feeling the loss of her beloved friend. bear was the most gentle creature i have ever seen. im not exaggerating! he never in his 4 short years growled, showed his teeth or bit anyone. one of my friend's pit bull (who bear and i trained) would bite him repetedly while playing. all my boy would do was nudge her and sit on her - never once became agressive! up until my boy's death on nov. 4, 2005 , those 2 dogs could be left to run free at the park and bear was able to play and run with her and keep her out of trouble. my boyboy loved everyone he met (and he wanted to meet everyone)- he was a kissy boy and his tail was alway wagging. (it was a very heavy tail when it smacked against you. he would lick his kitty , sleep cuddled up with her, and upon awakening, allow her to grab his face and wash his ears and nose. i wasn't allowed any closure with him or to comfort him in his final days. i miss him so much. i feel so empty as if my heart has been ripped out. i've lost many beloved pets in my 48 yrs. as i have never been without one for too long. i lost my dad last year at this time and i took control of the situation. i loved him much and was able to deal with the grief and not go insane. i know i am alienating my wife of 18 yrs and don't know what to do to heal . any friendly cyber support will be deeply apprieciated. ron in pa

Thank you for sharing your story of Jazz. I lost my Suzie this morning. She drowned in the family pool. We would always watch her while she was outside, this morning my husband needed to use the bathroom, he was gone minutes, when he returned she was in the pool, we tried to save her, she was gone, I could die, she loved me so much and trusted me, I let her down. I should have gotten up for the few minuted he was in the bathroom, she always is back at the door, she goes in and out several times each night as she is quite old, I am so sorry.

My dearest baby kitty Pushkin Boots died because I didn't pay enough attention when he got out onto our balcony. He jumped off for some reason and fell to his death. He was the most gentle and trusting being I've ever come across and he just didn't know any better. I feel like I should have prevented his death. I was always so good at supervising what he was doing, and the fact that I let him out of my eyesight for a few minutes long enough for him to do this kills me. I feel like somehow I should have known he was doing something he shouldn't and I should have stopped him. I was his caretaker, I was responsible for sheltering him from harm and I didn't pay enough attention to my most precious love and now he is gone. The pain is unbearable. I hope it gets easier with time because it's the most intense pain I've ever felt.

But I know all of us in this thread, and anyone who may post later are actually not to blame for what happened. I picked up a book on coping with grief yesterday and it has a great thing to say on guilt in these situations--Guilt is only an applicable feeling when there was intent of malice. None of us wanted anything but lots of happiness for our pets, so we really shouldn't feel guilty. We loved our little critters. Terrible things do just happen sometimes without it being anyone's fault.

In my personal case, I don't know that the guilty can really cope with the feeling of guilt and I know that I'm guilty for my Nadir's murder. I'd love to think that there might be a time when it can be dealt with and the pain can ease, but after more than three months, I'm thinking that under some cir%%stances, there is no coping.

But I guess I'm a downer tonight, sorry...