I have been sitting here and reading the stories of loss, crying like a baby, and wishing I could find the words of comfort within me for everyone in pain. I have had a hard time, as any of you who have read my posts, know, and today is especially tough. There is no particular reason for today to be extra hard, but it is. I've tried getting back into my counselor, but she isn't available for 2 more weeks, and right now, I can't find anyone to talk to. Even if I could, I don't know what to say. I am just still so heartbroken, and nothing is helping me today. On top of that, I can't even help others, the way I have been helped since I joined this forum. I'm sure you all have had (or, sadly, will have) days like this one. The grief just creeps up on you, and you don't think you can shed one more tear, but then they flow. I don't even know what I expect to receive from this post, but as I sit here at my wits end, I can't think of anywhere else to go. Everyone here has been so helpful to me since day 1, and I keep thinking of the wonderful things you have all said, but today, those words are not sinking in. I am really tempted to go to the shelter, and try to adopt a baby, but financially, things are not so good right now, plus I know that you have to wait to bring them home. I also don't think I can take the pain of seeing those sad faces, and not be able to take them ALL!
I don't know what to do. I used to be suicidal, but I have gotten past that option. Today, I just want the pain to go away. Even if I go out, my heart will go with me, so there is no escape! I guess I could take some pills and veg out on the couch, but as soon as they wear off, the pain will return, because I haven't figured out how to work through it. I know from experience, pushing it aside makes it come back, and sometimes more intense than before.
I really want to help all of the others who have had such recent losses, but reading their stories just intensifies my grief today. I apologize for not being "there" for the much needed help for a recent loss. I do understand the pain you are all in, and I pray that tomorrow will find me better able to respond.
I just had to let my feelings out, since noone is here to listen, I am trusting them here.
Thank You
Love,
Michelle

Hi Michelle,

I much like you find myself wallowing in my grief. And for a while I seemed to be doing better until this am when I was told that my cat's ashes were ready. I have been trying to keep myself busy. The busier my head is the less likely my mind is ready to wander. I need to force myself to eat. Bedtime is especially bad. I have been gradually weening myself off the sleeping pills to make myself fall asleep faster because my mind just wanders. And I cant stand it. Just when I think I have shed all my tears, something will just set me off and I am in my depressed state again. I am tired of crying but I cant seem to help it. It seems like I am just going through life's motions. I just try to remember the happy times I had with my baby Odin and I know that he would not want me to go through what I am doing to myself. Luckily I still have Loki, his brother for solace. And when I see how depressed he is I just pet him and give him a hug and kiss and tell him that we will get through this together. I don't know if he understands, but I like to think that he does, and it makes me feel better. You have people here that understand what you are going through. And hopefully just by venting it may help you feel better to get though one more day. I know it has for me. People thought I was nuts when I mentioned this place. I think I would still be a complete basket case if it wasnt for this place though. But it is important that you take care of yourself. Your baby, like mine would want it.

Lots of Love to you,
Cynthia

I think you should be greatly thanked, because even in your time of greif, you still have provided words of comfort to others in greif as well.
All the members here who have done so should be given an award, it's really hard to give comfort, when you are greiving as well, but you've done it

I wish i could offer words of comfort, but I'm terrible at that.... ( ;_; ) all i can say is, that we're all here to help you, and it's good you let it out here, and told us how you felt.


Much Love and Prayers,
Noriko

I understand where you are today in your feelings and coping with the sadness of this depression.
Days are difficult to manage.....but.....with time...you will start to feel better. I was like yourself and most everyone else who comes here to support one another. Thank goodness for this site and each other.

Try to stay busy with finding things to do. I stayed home and almost drove myself crazy with my tears in missing my love.. Esabella. I still and always will miss holding her and having her in my life each day. But, I was able to let her go in a sense and receive peace in my mind because she was a blessing and joy the eight years we shared together and she parted with all these memories to love and cherish. I feel she is still with me......she is alive in my heart.......my earth bound angel.

There are so many kitties, cats, puppies and dogs who are longing for someone to love and cherish them........just hoping to be with a loving person like yourself. Open your heart and arms to what awaits you. You will know who that special one will be. I thought I would never have the energy, strength or desire to allow another puppy to come into my life.......but I did. Another earth bound angel....so to speak, put the life back in me.




Esabella
September 1996 ~ November 23, 2004
Please know that I care about you and are hoping the best for you.

Bigs hugs.....
Litebrez

Michelle,
Sweetie, anytime you feel like that, email me and I will call you as soon as I can ok?? I just got home from work and it's kind of late (and I'm being dragged out again) or I would have called today.. you know I am here for you... and even if you can't find the words and don't know what to say, NO words are ever needed... I KNOW how you feel... Because I am where you are... and even if we just sat on the phone and cried and never said a word I think it still might be healing for us both. I will be buying a card tomorrow and will call this weekend.. but like I said.. anytime you need me, send an email or PM here and let me know it's really important and I promise I WILL call.. please don't go through this alone.... There's no need for it.
And you DO help everyone, you have no idea how much you've helped me... Even on your hardest days you've still helped me if not with you words, with your prayers and caring nature instead. I can't really reply to a lot of the new posts here right now either, its just too hard, but I read and pray for each one. Never feel guilty for needing to take care of you first... I am going to reply to your PM tonight before I go to bed.. and I will call this weekend and we will talk.... If you need me to call asap or at a certain time just let me know and you know I will.
Love and prayers to you hon... lots and lots....
~Jenn

Michelle,

I know exactly how you feel. My wonderful Sealpoint Siamese Simon, who I had for 16 years, suffered from cancer and was put to sleep on March 11, 2005. I'll never forget the moment he passed, how relaxed his body became as his spirit was set free from a diseased and debilitated body. Those first few days and weeks were harder than I had ever imagined. They say grief is like the crashing waves of a surf and in time it gets less and less. That is an excellent &%^ogy but still, although the "waves" are less frequent now, they come just as hard and fast.

The loss of my beloved boy was nearly 5 months ago and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. Now, though, I can remember the good memories of a healthy Simon and smile, knowing that his spirit is near and he is waiting for me at the bridge. Sometimes, though, I cry, missing him terribly. It is all natural.

One thing that has helped with the healing has been adopting a new furbaby. In May, we adopted a Chocolate point Siamese kitten and named him Apollo. He has brought an untold amount of joy into a house which was filled with sadness. Apollo will never "replace" Simon. He is an individual with his own special appeal. We love him and we will always love and remember our Simon, meeting him again one day.

Do consider adopting another cat. He/she can help you heal as you bond and get to know a new individual.

I just wanted to Thank all of you who have responded so far. Last night was tough, the crying never stopped all day. It helps me to know that you all care, and that you have felt comfort from me before now. I do remember some happy memories of my Cosmo, but when I think of them, I want to hold him, and I can't.
I am seriously considering adopting a new soul to love, but I am afraid that I will make my 2 other cats jealous, they are special too, but I sometimes can't touch them without crying. I'm sure when the time is right, Cosmo will send me to the shelter.
My one cat Beaner, who is sick right now, and may not survive, has been spending his recent days outside (even though he's always been an indoor cat) but he loves it out there, and if he is going to leave us soon, I want him to be happy. The other day, there was another cat out there with him, a beautiful gray and white male, and deep down I was hoping that he didn't have a home so he could move in here. He took off when I opened the door, and I haven't seen him since, but I was ready to believe that Cosmo sent him here, and I'll keep my eyes open.
Thanks again to everyone, and know that even though I'm still in deep despair today, I think of you and your babies, and the words of comfort you've given me. Soon, I'll get back to being someone who is encouraging and comforting, instead of someone who is crying out of control, and I'll be able to help others again. I know you all have deep pain as well, and it means so much to be able to share it here at LS. If not for this forum, I don't know where I'd (we'd) be.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle
Thank You, God, for Lightning- Strike Pet Loss Forum. It brings souls together to mourn and comfort, when we can't find it around those we love.

Dear Michelle,

There are lots of days that I just can't find the words to respond to people's posts. On those days I take a break from the website...usually a day or two renews my strength. So, please don't feel like you need to apologize...we all need to take breaks, and sometimes we get in a space where we need to be supported. That's the beauty of this website...we've all given when we can, and we all take when we need to.

As I go through this grieving process I find that I have good days and bad days. As time passes the good days have out numbered the bad, but I still have bad days. Michelle, you're still very young in your grief over Cosmo. I can remember somewhere around Shiloh's 5 month anniversary laying on her favorite floor spot in fetal position sobbing. These bad days seem to come out of no where and catch you off gaurd. I think the important thing is to allow yourself to feel sad...cry, sob, scream, do whatever you need to do, but remember, you're going to feel better in time. In time the memories of Cosmo will bring you great comfort, and even though you'll always miss him, you'll know that you carry his spirit in your heart.

I'm sending you strength and positive thoughts through this difficult time.
Hugs,
Kathleen

Dear Michelle,
You have helped me and others so much with our grief. Just knowing that someone is out there experiencing the same pain that I am is comforting. There is NOTHING wrong with taking a break from responding to other people's posts. Just remember that you can only pour out love and comfort to others when you have been filled yourself. Let us come along side you know and give you a shoulder to cry on. Let us replenish you.
I agree that the good memories can lead to sadness. When my daughter and I curl up on my bed to read a good book, we hurt because Pumpkin isn't there. He loved it when I would read aloud. Then my daughter would give him little kisses up and down his spine and he would be in ecstasy. I wish that I could hold him just one more time. But just like the famous country song says, "But then again, I know what it would do, leaving me wishing still for one more day with you."
We understand your pain. We are here for you and thinking of you.
Love,
Helena

We really do care. Sometimes I am at a loss for words to express the sympathy I feel when I read about the anguish and the feelings of loss the posters talk about on this forum. I think that there are many here who read these posts and do not respond because of this same loss for words that will help. The feelings of so many caring people still permeate these posts, especially those who are with us in spirit instead of words.

I too have found that as time goes on the good days are more, the bad less... then out of the blue it hits me. I was mowing the grass, like I do occasionally (since it quit growing in June anyway) and I trimmed around Dexter's grave.. suddenly I couldn't stand the thought of him in there! I shut off the mower and sat there in front of his grave, crying like a baby. After nearly a year, I still find it hard to think about at times. However, I have noticed that it's easy to smile about the good now, along with crying about the loss. You, like all of us here, will go on and time will ease the pain. Nothing erases it, but time and your God will ease it. My prayers are with you.

I think we all are standing in the same spot right now. I pull up a reply page to talk or offer comfort to someone else, the page sits empty as I stare at it and cry. What words can I use to comfort our empty hearts?

It's been 3 days since I lost Ginger. Feels like the pain isn't getting any easier. Now is the time when co-workers and distant friends are thinking, "geez, she's losing her mind, she needs to get over it". I got a loving PM from a forum member who told me to pay no attention to them and "grieve like a madwoman". I've been taking her advice. Let the tears come. No matter how long it takes. It does help to release the tension inside. I have ok moments and moments of utter despair.

At least we know that when we are having a really bad moment, we have this forum to turn to. The most caring understanding people I've ever met. I hope my strength returns so that I can comfort some of you more. For now, just know you're loved and your pet is being remembered by all of us. God Bless you. Please hang in there.