It's been 16 days since I lost my wonderful fur-baby, Jack. Of course, in the beginning, I was a miserable wreck and didnt do too well. I thought as some time would go on, I'd start to feel at least a *little* better.

Well, I dont. In fact, I was telling my husband last night that I feel worse every day. It's not the same intense physical pain I had when we first lost him, but it's more a constant depressed state. I've been remembering some good but also sad parts of his passing, like when I watched him take his last breath, I looked at the vet who listened with his telescope and he looked at me and nodded and confirmed Jack was gone. I canNOT get that image out of my mind the last two days.

I know it's been such a short time, but honestly I (stupidly) thought I'd be feeling a little better by now. I'm still finding his hair around the house and everytime I see some, I break down because I cant bring myself to clean it...it's like he'll really be gone forever once his hair is out of the house....am I making sense?

I'm not sure what I'm asking, or if I'm asking anything...I guess I just needed to vent a little.

Dawn

Hi Dawn,

I've read here that it takes about a month for each year your furbaby was in your life before you start to feel basically "normal" again. It's only been 2 weeks, and Jack was just shy of 11 years old, so it's not unusual at all that you're still feeling really strong emotions.

It's been 4 months and 20 days since Qorqui was killed, and I still have bad days. They're nowhere near as bad as the first 3 or 4 weeks were, and not all that often anymore, but I do still have them.

As time goes on you will feel better, but you have to give it some time. Jack was a key part of your life for lots of years. It's going to take a while to adjust to life without him. Even though you may have the physical routines worked out, the mental and emotional adjustment takes a lot longer.

Be patient, it will get better. In the mean time, be good to yourself.

Tim

Dear Dawn,

I didn't find this website until 1 1/2 months after Shiloh died. I started searching for some outside support because, at 6 weeks, I thought I should be feeling better, but in fact I found I was feeling worse. Steph, another member her, chonicled her journey through grief (I'll bump it up to the top so it's easy for you to find), I recommend reading it. I found that it gave me some perspective about my own journey.

All of this to say, what you're feeling is very normal. You will feel better, but it takes time. The important thing is not hurry yourself through the grief because people around you don't understand. Give yourself time and space to feel whatever it is you need to feel.

Hugs,
Kathleen

PS-I know what you mean about Jack's hair...I still have some of Shiloh's nose prints in the back of my car that I just can't bring myself to clean.

I totally forgot, I still have little dusty Qorqui footprints on the back seat in my truck. I won't let anyone sit on them beacuse I don't want them "erased". I haven't cleaned the back windows either because of the nose prints.

Tim

Hi Dawn, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I put some hair of my first dog in a little baggy the night before he passed, and it still brings me comfort, as crazy as that sounds,4 years later. Hang in there . Vicki

Dawn,
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I lost my Dixie 17 days ago, on July 5th. The first few days, the pain was overwhelming...I wished I had been hit by that car and died with her. The pain started to subside after a week or so, but was still very much there. I can't explain, but for the last 3 days or so, I have again become overwhelmed with grief... crying all the time, yelling (loudly) outloud to God, to Dixie, getting hysterical...
I know...it is SOOO hard. What we wouldn't give to have our babies back. In my mind, I KNOW she's gone, but in my heart, I can't accept it. That sweet little baby of mine has died. I was telling a friend earlier, that I don't know what hurts more...the fact that I have to live without her for the rest of my life, or the knowledge that Dixie wouldn't have wanted to die. She LOVED life. She was excited about everything!! Eating, walking, playing, chasing rodents, or just BEING...Dixie LOVED being alive. And that hurts so much...her life ended when she wasn't ready. She loved me...I'm sure she didn't want to leave, but she had no choice. That thought breaks my heart.
I can relate to not wanting to clean up Jack's hair. I find Dixie's little white and black hairs in my house and in my car, but what is worse, her dried blood is still in several areas on the carpet in the back of my car. Everytime I open the hatch to put groceries in, I see it. And I cry. But I can't bring myself to clean it. Everytime I step outside, I'm forced to see where she was hit. For several days after, I could see blood and dog poop (she peed and pooped uncontrollably after the car hit her. Those have since disappeared but everyday I have to see where my baby was hit by that damn SUV (who simply said "sorry" and drove away. ).
Oh my gosh, I am sooo sorry. I realize that I am making this post all about me and Dixie. I am soo sorry.
I wanted you to know that I can relate to what you are feeling. And I don't know if and when recovery from this sadness is possible. Sometimes I think it isn't, because they're not coming back. Yet we keep on living. We HAVE to. Keep your chin up.... and I'll try to keep mine up too!
You and sweet Jack are in my thoughts.
Dana

Hi Dawn

I lost my Ollie; a beautiful chihuahua march 31.05. Losing a loved family member is extremely hard. Lots of tears and no will to go on. It does get bearable but there is an empty spot in my life. I never want to forget him; and it would be a sad condition if that should ever happen. Perhaps time will bestow a meaning and understanding for the dignity and beauty of our pets lifes. The love he bestowed on us is a part of us now.We still have Prunella our other chihuahua to go on with.

There is grief,and tears; but we are not alone we can come here.

Paulina&Tory

I'm so sorry for your loss. Jack is beautiful. You are not alone.
Love,
Helena