My name is Jillian & I live in India. I have 7 doggies- 4 of them are Poms but the love of my life was my Anya -"My Happy Tonic" I had to put her to sleep on the 9th of July & it broke my heart. She hadn't even completed 9 years old but was a very sick little girl. I have never loved this way (not even my husband or my daughter) She was my life & I loved her beyond what was normal. I can't seem to come to terms with her loss. its eating me up inside, her little face is before me constantly. And I feel like I don't wanto go on anymore. In fact I just wanto lay down and sleep forever.....
I go to the cemetary almost every day & pray for her. Right now it hurts so bad that I don't know what to do..... Anyone out there who can give some advice??? Help!!!!! I'm Miserable!!!!
Jill Nagra

Oh Jill,
It is so hard to know what to say to help you to feel better. Missing our babies after they have left such im"prints" on our souls is truly a horrific and exhausting feeling. I know what you mean when you say that you loved her "beyond what was normal", I feel that way also. Some babies just have a more powerful impact on our lives than others, with their personalities being so different with each individual soul.
I can only come up with the "normal" comforts of words that I have heard and said myself. Time does help, and there will be a day when you can remember only the happiest of memories and feel Peace that your baby is now in a far better place than we could ever hope Earth to be. I know that it does not replace the fact that she is gone from your physical presence now.
I know you loved your sweet Anya so, so much and how heart wrenching that feeling is, it completely consumes you. All I can say is that every day you shared with her was special to both of you.
As for my advice, try to treasure the souls that are still in your life today, and you will find a reason to go on. Every day when you wake up, just try to think of ONE reason to be here without her. I won't even say "one day at a time", because it is more like one second at a time.( I know someone on this board said that before, but I can't think of who right now).
As for myself, that is what I try to do. When I lost my special, precious Cosmo, I couldn't even begin to show love to my other babies because I missed him so much, but after a while, I realized that they were special too, in their own ways. Now I try to treasure the time I have left with them, because I know Cosmo loved them too, and would want me to show them love. I try to think of it as his way of sharing his love with them and with me.
How my tears flowed when I felt the desperation in your post. Please know that you are not alone in the way you feel, as many of us go through the feelings of not wanting to go on without our "special" babies here anymore. There must still be some "work", or task that you have left to do, that is why you remain here, as for Anya, as tough as it may seem, her work must have been done and she was released from this place we, for now, still have to call home.
I will send my Prayers and Loving Thoughts your way for you to find some measure of Peace with her loss. I will Thank God that Anya had you to share her life with, because a "special" soul like her, deserved it. Actually, I believe ALL souls deserve it, but some do not get the chance or love that Anya had. Try, try to learn from that and from her and you will slowly begin to feel better. Although she is physically gone, her spirit and her lessons live on, but only if you give her that credit by living your life the way she would want you to. I hope this will help, please keep us posted as you travel on this dark road of grief and loss.
Love,
Michelle

Oh Jill, I'm so sorry about your beautiful Anya. I too lost my Jack that same week, I lost Jack on July 6th so the pain is still very raw for us, it's only been two weeks.

I will admit that I've felt the way you did many times, like I just couldnt get up. It was hard for me to do normal day-to-day functions. It was hard to eat and sleep and a few times I remember thinking "I cant go on". Though it is still *very* hard and I have some good days and some not-so-good days, I think that Jack would NOT want me to be this miserable, he'd want me to be happy and to go on. He is waiting for me and when it's my time, I'll be reunited with him, but it's not time yet.

My local community (in San Diego, CA) holds a support group for people who are having a hard time dealing with the loss of a pet, I've decided today that I'm looking into this group...could you see if perhaps there is something similar where you are?

As Michelle mentioned, you are not alone in how you feel. We have all been there and feel the same as you. You need to take care of yourself and if you're having a "bad" day, allow yourself that. Allow yourself to feel sad and grieve, but you also need to allow yourself to smile at your thoughts and memories of Anya.

Dawn

Hi Jill,

I felt physically ill for a long time after Qorqui was killed. The first couple weeks were exactly as you describe. The pain does lessen. Time is the only thing that can ease the pain you feel now.

What is "normal" when it comes to really loving our special furries? Lately, when I'm having a bad Qorqui day, my Wife has taken to saying things like "Oh come on, it was just a dog!", but she wasn't "just a dog", she was part of me! She was my little security blanket, my confidante, my mood lifter upper. The day her heart stopped, mine got a little weaker.

Be patient and take care of yourself. Don't forget to eat and try to sleep. It's easy to neglect these things when you're hurting, so try not to forget them.

Tim

Dear Jill,

I'm so sorry about Anya. I know the pain your feeling right now is tremendous, but it will get better in time. The most important thing to remember is to give yourself time and space to heal. This is a wonderful website with caring people who can totally relate to what you're feeling. Please come back and post more of your thoughts and feelings...it really does help.

Hugs,
Kathleen