It's finally warming up here in Canada so I took Molly out for a nice long walk yesterday....and I cried the entire walk. It was so strange not having Megan with us. The two dogs would usually run and play until they were ready to drop. Yesterday Molly just walked beside me...I think she was really missing her friend too. I thought that I was doing such a great job of dealing with my grief but this weekend has just been so hard. My kids have been asking about Megan alot lately, I've tried telling them that she went to the moon and to look up at the moon and wave goodnight to her...it just does not wash with them, they want her here to play with them. Today we went to a big dog park so that Molly could enjoy a good run and see some other dogs, she just went nuts at the sight of all the other dogs. She was just so HAPPY to run and play with dogs.

I guess I should fill you all in with a little history. When we first got Molly, it was just Jeff and I, who both worked fulltime. Molly did not like being alone all day. She showed us her dipleasure by chewing not one, but two holes in our kitchen walls, ate the couch, as well as numerous other things around the house. So we started looking into getting a second dog more for her than us really. That is when I saw an ad in the paper and thought well I'll just go take a look....next thing I know I have this little puppy snuggled up under my chin and my friend looking at me and saying "I think you've found your dog" Megan laid claim to me right there and I fell madly in love with her. Three days after I got her I was rushing her the the vet's...she was sick, very sick. Eventually we got through that and then the only thing we had to deal with was chronic ear infections. But one day while playing fetch with her she started to limp..she tore her cruciate ligament (not sure if I spelled that right). We opted for the surgery and after many weeks of nursing her back to health she was back. I was so happy and then this fall she could not go up the stairs and was limping very badly. Artheritis hasd set in very badly, she had an old dog's leg. It was so bad that this past November I had my first "talk" with the vet about quality of life. By Christmas it was becoming apparent that she would not be with us much longer. And in January I said ENOUGH. I'm not doing this to her anymore or to me either (by this time I was an emotional wreck). And on Jan. 8/04 I said goodbye to my Megan.

I just miss her and for whatever reason this weekend has been hard. I feel as though I've had a set back. Someone on this site warned me that this would happen but I still find myself surprised by it.

Thanks for listening,
Tracey

This Feb I cried all the way home in the car because it was the first time it had snowed since………

Firsts I think will always be hard, living in England maybe I should be glad that it snowed this year and I got it over and done with it could have been four or five years on and I would have been thinking ………last time it snowed……….

Maybe you could find a book in the library about how to help children deal with death, maybe the truth - as hard as it is to explain - would be best.

The truth for me would be that she took off her coat and now I cant see her even though she is still there, even tonight as I was typing to Amy I would have sworn that I heard toe nails on the floor tiles tip tapping towards me.

Tracey,

Setbacks come and go ... I still have them ... I can now go weeks without getting upset and then all of a sudden out of the blue it feels like it happened yesterday. The first year is the hardest ... I have heard that from so many people and read it as well. I think for the kids the truth would be best. I remember as a young child (maybe 8 or so) my dog passed away. I remember sitting with my Mom while she tried to explain it ... I didn't understand it then but my Mom kept explaining it everytime I asked about him (my lost pup). I'm sure it was hard for her to do this ... but it really helped me at the time.

I hope you are feeling better now ... hug Molly and the kids ...

Hugs,
Beth