We buried our Baby girl in a special place in our backyard yesterday. I broke down..didn't handle it too well. I wonder if I will ever feel better. All night though I kept dreaming that she wasn't dead. I had horrible thoughts of her actually being alive in there and scratching to get out. I went out back before I left for work to say I was leaving and that I missed her and loved her. I actually sat quietly, listening. I know she is not with us anymore, but these horrible thoughts won't go away. Am I losing it? I didn't get to say goodbye, so I wonder if that has something to do with it. I am also afraid that I am neglecting my other pets. I feel so empty. I know they are suffering too. What is wrong with me? I have never reacted this badly to a pets passing before.

Don't feel as though something is wrong with you. You are not going crazy. All of us here have experienced feelings of emptiness no matter how much may still be going on in our homes and lives (other pets, family, etc.)

I know the dream about your baby girl must have been really painful for you, but it sounds totally normal to me. Your mind doesn't really believe she's gone and the dream reflects that.

I'm so sorry you didn't get to say goodbye to your sweet girl. I didn't get to say goodbye to my Allie either. But part of me wonders whether it would have been even more painful to see her in her last moments. Those would have been forever the images engrained in my mind. Instead I have the images of her being sick and crying out in pain, but at least she was at home with us when I saw her last and not lying on some metal table.

Please know that your pain will subside with time. You will always miss your girl and there will always be a void in your heart, but slowly with time, your heart can be filled with happy memories of the life she shared with you.

God bless you in your time of sorrow.
Love,
Jenny

These thoughts are common. When one of my pets had to be put to sleep I kept having thoughts that he was really alive and the vet had either sold him or given him away. This in spite of the fact that we took his body home from the vet's and buried him in our back yard. It is a kind of denial. Don't worry about it, it is part of the grief process.

For the first few days after we buried Sandy P, I had thoughts of uncovering her so I could hold her again. We all go a little insane with grief. This is the first time I have admitted this to anyone, but I know you will understand the "pull" of wanting to be with them. I see it as a big thick rope that gradually turns into an invisible but indestructable silver thread.

I can look at Sandy P's photos now and smile through the tears. I know I am far from "normal" and probably never will be again, but it is getting better very, very slowly. I'm thinking of you all, as always.

Love,

Christine

Oh, sweetie...when I read your post I totally broke down. But I TOTALLY agree with the advice that the lovely posters have already given you and have nothing better to add other than that I absolutely understand. When my Sergey died on Tuesday (July 5th), for about 48 hours afterwards, I kept asking my boyfriend if it was 'time to go get Serge'. Also, when Sergey was dead and we were saying goodbye to him, a dog in the veterinary hospital started barking, and my ex-husband said that this was good, as it was 'stimulation for Serge'.
I think the 'Going Crazy with Denial' phase is absolutely normal. PLEASE don't feel you're cracking up, because you're really not: all this means is that you loved your Baby Girl so very, VERY much that it's taking a while for your brain to make sense of what's happened.
I'm thinking of you and hope you start feeling more settled about all this soon.
Love, Amanda ***

I feel all that you are saying here. I am still hurting too. May you find comfort in knowing you are not alone in your pain.

Sent with a prayer,
Cassie