I just had to have bonnie, my cat of 17 put to sleep yesterday. She died in my arms, practically.

She was so ill at the end, couldnt even make the litter tray, so weak, so dehydrated.

I feel like I gave up on her, I feel like I should of waited till tmrw.

It is like a sister to me going, she was all I had in terms of closeness like that.

I feel stupid for being upset, my Dad died 2 year ago, and you think this never affects you again.

I just feel like I gave up on her, even through she was so suffering.

I saw her practically every day for 17 years, and now i wont see her again.

I really hate life.

First time back in the house without her this morning, and the tears are flowing.

She has been there through everything. She was propably my biggest support when my Dad died two years ago, and I didnt ever think she would go, as daft as that seems.

She was here every single day, meeting me as I came in, looking for food and a cuddle.

I feel like I gave up on her by having her put down. She could barely move, was so down, but maybe if I had give her another day ?

I also regret not staying long after I had her put down, I gave her a quick cuddle, and went out and cried my heart out. I was there when she went, stroking her head.

She seemed to cry as the needle went in, like she was begging me not to do it. Maybe she wasnt ready to go ?

She is off to the same place her brother went to, so that is some comfort, but I just feel like I have had enough now, I really have.

It's the most difficult time we face, but it is the pact we make with our furkids when we get them. You stayed and comforted Bonnie at the end and I'm sure that meant a lot to her. She shared her live with you and you can cherish the memories of her love. Bonnie was a very lucky cat to have had such a loving family.

Spence
I am so sorry about Bonnie. 17 years is a long time for a kitty. Sadly, she was probaly ready to go be with her brother. I know what you mean about the giving up on them part. I feel the same way about my Caden. I wont post the whole story again, you can read it in my other post if youd like. But my Caden was just a tiny kitten, and I feel like I robbed her of her life... What if she really wasnt all that sick? Maybe all she needed was some antibiotics or something so simple. I beleive we all do this to ourselves when we have to put an animal put down. In our hearts we know its the right thing to do, but we never ever want to let them go. Not ever, no matter how long they have been with us. My heart still feels like its gonna explode. I cant imigane how you feel after 17 years. Caden was only with me for a week. I do have a cat that is almost 12, and Im constantly worried about him. I fear that one day I will come home and he will be gone, from old age. Im so afraid of that time. God help us all. We love them like they are our children because they are our children, our family. They just cant speak our language. It would be so much easier if they could, wouldnt it? We would know without a doubt we are doing the right thing. Life is so hard sometimes. We will always have our babies though, whether they are physically here or not. Just close your eyes, and listen carefully. Bonnie is still right beside you, where she will always be........................
Lots of Love,
Sasha

Spence
Sorry to hear about Bonnie, 4 weeks ago I had to let my beautiful Buddy go too. After 16 years the thought of letting him go was unbearable but the thought of him being in pain was worse. He had kidney failure and arthritis and I just couldn't have him suffer because I needed to have him just one more day...week...year. Everyone who visits this website feels the pain of loss and with the choice we have made because we all love our little ones so very much. Because we love them we have to think of how they are feeling more than how we feel; we love them that much. Buddy was the most important part of my life, without him I feel like I have a hole in my heart and the loss is still unbearable after 4 weeks and will be for a long time. He was there for me through thick and thin - more than anyone else in my family. We all grieve at our own pace and you must give yourself time to do so in your own way. If other people don't understand just remind them to realize Bonnie was a member of your family that you depended on for love and comfort. Give your self time to grieve and don't beat yourself up with questioning your care for Bonnie. You loved her and she knew it - you gave her a wonderful life and for that she gave you her love. Please remember that. Maybe if you write a memory book with pictures that tell about her life with you it will be therapeutic and take you away from her last days bringing you back to the wonderful times you shared in the past.
Take care, Joy

I am so sorry for your loss of Bonnie. I too lost my 15 year old cat named Bonnie a little over a week ago. She had lymphoma and passed away 3 weeks after diagnosis. You did the right thing by having her put to sleep. I know that does not make you feel any better, but Bonnie Belle(my kitty) became very weak as well. She could not walk or eat and I took her to the vet where he pumped her full of B-12, thinking it would boost her up. I brought her home just to watch her slowly die in my arms very early the next morning. I just stroked her little head until she fell asleep. So, I think by what you posted, your furbaby would have passed at home soon as well. It is not easy losing a companion that you have had for so many years that loved you no matter what. It is forums like this that have helped me to cope. Just believe that your Bonnie is introducing herself to my Bonnie and they are chasing butterflies at the Rainbow Bridge, waiting for us to meet them there.