I lost my little pug, Kalli, of 8 years on 7/2/2005. I took her in to have her teeth cleaned (2 Vets told me it would help her live longer). When she awoke, they told me she was vomiting, having diahrea, fever, possible infection, and was having bloody vaginal discharge (she was fixed). I don't know what went wrong. She has been put under before with only mild vomiting. Turns out my attempt to lengthen her life, killed her. I feel so guilty. If only I hadn't taken her. Who cares that she had tarter and her breath stunk. I loved this dog so much we had 2 vets, if I didn't like what one said, I would take her to the other for a second opinion. It's only been 3 days and I can't imagine another 3 days without her smiling face. She was our entertainer, best friend, companion, and my shadow. You could never have a bad day with her, she would just instantly make you smile when you would walk in the door. She slept with me, we shared a pillow. It's hard to open my eyes in the morning because I know her little face will not be there staring back at me. I am crying before my feet ever hit the floor in the morning. I could really use some support right now.

Dear Kim, I am very sorry for your loss of Kalli. We all know how you are feeling and you have come to the right place. I notice you have already comforted some others on this site, even though your own grief is very new and painful. You are a very caring and thoughtful person to be thinking of others right now, but you also need words from us to comfort you. I can't say anymore than what has been said in these posts by this wonderful group of people. I wish I could tell you that there is a magic formula for grieving, but there isn't. Grieving is work, and it takes a long time. Just when you think you are beginning to feel better, the sadness comes crashing over you like a tidal wave. This in the 7th dog I have grieved over, and it gets no better with experience. There is no immunity or tolerance like with a disease or medicine. It's brand new pain every time. I'm sorry if I sound depressing, but unfortunately it's the truth. I don't want to depress you any further, so read some of the posts from others and gain strength in knowing that you are not alone.

Love,

Christine

Hi Kim
I wish there were some words that I could put in this post that would stop or alleviate some of your pain. I lost my lil baby kitten, Caden very early Sunday morning. I only had her for one very short week, but its still so hard. I have other animals, too. I have 2 dogs (one is 5 yrs old, the other 2 1/2) and two cats (one is 11 and the other is 2) and I have many cats outside that I feed and try to take care of. Caden was very special to me instantly. She was so fragile and small and she needed me so much. She needed me to take care of her. I tried, and she tried as well. Her little body was just not strong enough. I had to face the horrible decision of putting her down. Its so very hard with any animal, but with a tiny little baby kitten, only about 5 weeks old, you feel like the most God awful soul in the world.
You were trying to do right by your little Kalli. The vet told you that there was something you could do to keep your baby healthy and to live longer, you couldnt have possibly known this was going to happen. You had 2 vets for her, sweetie. This shows how much you loved the little girl. Believe me, she knew it. You have to believe it too. I know, its much easier to hear or read the words, because you have this aching pain in your chest right now. It will get easier. My heart still aches for you, though.
We will get through these horrible losses together over time. Everybody on this site is wonferful and Im sure you will get a lot more helpful advise and comforting words.
Thinking of you, with many hugs...
Sasha

Hi Kim
I know that there is a hole in your heart that aches like no words can describe. PLEASE try not to replay the guilt in your head (we all do). Sometimes things happen that can never be explained. I take all of my animals for regular dental visits and cleanings and it always worries me sick that they have to have anesthesia. I am an operating room nurse and see patients go under anesthesia every hour of every day that I am at work. I know that it is very safe. However, every now and again something happens and there can be problems. I know your little girl is entertaining God and all of the beloved pets that have gone before her. Sometimes it is hard to understand why God needs our pets more that we do.
Thinking of you
Leona

Kim,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone here knows how difficult it is to lose a pet. The guilt you are experiencing is a normal reaction but please know that Kalli's death is not your fault. You were doing what you were told was best for your dog. Clean teeth are an important part of a dog's health and usually the procedure is safe. Unfortunately, sometimes dogs react badly to anesthesia. As far as I know, this is more common in older and large dogs. Since Kalli was neither (8 is not old for a pug), I assume that's why the vets felt comfortable recommending the procedure.

I can tell that you love Kalli very much and I'm sure that she knew (and knows) that. I had my Pekingese-cross put to sleep just over a month ago. He was my world and I'll always miss him. I know I'm going to hurt for a very long time. I also know from experience that it will get easier. I still cry almost every time I get home because he's not at the door to greet me, and I hate going to bed because it's so lonely without him. The memories are painful right now but someday I know we'll both be able to look back at our memories of our babies and smile.

For now, take the time to grieve and know that you can come here for support.

Sincerely,
Tracy

Kim- I am so sorry for the loss of your baby Kalli. I lost my dog Lucy in February to lymphoma at 5 years. It is hard when they leave us at a young age. I know you must be feeling so sad right now. I also lost a beloved cat, Tristan, years ago as a reaction to anesthesia. He had his teeth cleaned...same procedure as your Kalli. For some reason, the anesthesia had completely paralyzed Tristan and he he was having difficulty breathing. He did not make it through the surgery. I was so devastated. He was a bit older, about thirteen, but he still could have had many years. It was horrible. I will never do the teeth cleaning again unless I know my pet is in excellent health. And to be honest, I will probab;y never do it again period. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your experience. I hope that you are not being too hard on yourself. You would never intentionally put Kalli in harm's way and she knew that. It was an unfortunate accident, and they happen all the time, especially where surgery is concerned. Take some time to process what has happened and grieve for your baby, but be kind to yourself. You loved her, she knew that, and in the end that is the most important thing...

Hang in there, Caroline

Kim,

I know how devastating a loss like yours can be. I know you will hear too many stories about our pets who have gone to the vet for routine things and somehow we never saw them alive again. I lost a cat to what was only an ear exam. I also have a pug and he's 13 and I know his time is winding down. I know about that beautiful face you see in your mind's eye when you think of Kalli. I know all those traits you described and how much you must miss them. My pug, Elvis, is the same way and I'm scared of what I'm going to feel like when he is no longer with me. I also grew up with a pug and she was just an absolute sweetheart and I remember her fondly.

It really sucks that you take your pet(child) for routine treatment and something horrible like this happens, but you didn't kill your Kalli anymore than I killed my Romeo. We tried to help them. For a long time I questioned myself about why couldn't I have just left his ear alone. If I hadn't been rubbing his ear and playing with his ear then he'd still be with me. But I know now that I didn't cause Romeo's death. I know Kalli had to be uncomfortable having rotten teeth in her mouth. You did the right thing and can't blame yourself. Something went wrong and it wasn't your fault. My dog growing up, Pugsy, had something like 17 teeth pulled at once because her breath was so bad.

The things I've learned from Romeo's death are to be as informed as I can be, and to cherish every moment with my surviving animals. Elvis needs to be knocked out because of an eyelid problem and an (sorry all) &%^ sac gland problem but I'm not going to do it. Not at his age. Not when I lost my cat when he was 8. Sadly we can lose them to teeth cleaning, vaccinations, ear exams, all sorts of things that shouldn't kill our pets, especially those things that include anesthesia. Many here, like yourself have found these things out the worst way possible.

If you ever want to talk about your pug or tell pug stories I would be pleased to hear them.

Steve

Hi Kim,

I am sorry about your Kalli. I lost my Buddy the same day and I deeply miss him as I am know you miss your Kalli. I hope you are finding the comfort and peace you need throughout each day. Thank you for your note of encouragement, it really helped me.

Sent with a prayer,
Cassie

I am so sorry that this has happened to you and your treasured babe ~ I always hold my breath when sending my cats for dental ~ one thing that my Vet does is a complete blood work up about 2 weeks prior so we can see any issues that may be possible red flags ~ but I know that nothing is sure in this world and when I lost my Jader to cancer in 99 it was totally out of left field he had been treated successfully for mega colon and later for hyperthyroid ~ I was devestated ~ and never have gotten over it ~ I don't see how they could have missed it to this day ~ and even in Amber's case with the end stage CRF she was fine one minute and the next in crash mode ~ and gone 2 days later ~ It hurts so much ~ yet I would not trade one second ~ and know in my heart that they were loved and cared for like princes and princesses ~ my sweet babes ~ I know you felt the same and see your animal babies in the same light ~ I burn a memory candle for our fallen companions and also to commemorate those who are still suffering ~ from illness and/or abuse ~ My prayers go out to all who care and love and have hope for animals ~ May the Blessings of Peace Be With You and May you be held in the hollow of His hand ~ In Love and Peace and an End to Suffering ~ May you find Comfort ~ Sincerely, Kathryn

Kim,

Tommy my 5 year old abyssinian died from a deadly dental visit on March of 2004. He made it thru the teeth cleening but he never fully recovered from the Ketamine. He went in and out of a coma like state for 3 days. Tommy died in a cold steel vet cage 3 days later. I was devestated. I found out later that Ketamine is a very hard drug on the kidneys and liver, and abyssinian cats have alot of problems with this perticular drug.

I have added 2 abyssinians to my household since this happened. I did take Dion to have his teeth cleaned but I had the vet use ISO(gas). Dion came home that evening and was not all drugged out and pulled thru great.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I know how hard it is to lose a special friend. I felt so much guilt for a long time over Tommy's death.

My thoughts are with you,

Kim

Dear Kim,

I'm so sorry about the loss of your sweet Kalli !! I know your heart is just breaking. I have tears in my eyes, from reading your post. I want you to know that my heart is there with you.


Please remember that dental care is an important part of health-----and you were attempting to do a GOOD thing. Don't forget that! Dental and medical issues are very related, especially when tartar builds up. Your attention to Kalli's dental health was admirable. You were taking logical, compassionate, health-promoting steps for your Kalli. Without good dental health, she would have been in pain in her later years. You were taking the proper preventative steps!

I believe that it was Kalli's time to pass on (for reasons we won't understand until it is our time and we become wise). But she is all-spirit now and is still with you. But it won't be until it's your time that you and Kalli are fully reunited.

In the realm Kalli is in, she doesn't feel the pain of separation from you (although you feel that pain greatly, b ecause you are still here in your body ). To her, it will seem instantaneous and you will be there with her the instant your spirit leaves your body.

In the meantime, please come here for comfort, and take care of yourself in the best possible ways. Kalli wants that!!! You were and are a wonderful Mommy, and don't you forget that. Part of the grief process involves guilt---regardless of how death takes place. So keep that in mind... and I promise you, you'll feel better again. You did nothing wrong. You will go on.

Please keep in touch.

Love,
Kathy