I am not certain if this is the right place to "talk" or "ask" about this, but thought I'd try. I have begun wondering if I am doing the right thing to treasure their memories. I try to avoid any kind of conversation that mentions them, because I am afraid I will either break down, or they will think I don't miss them anymore. Even the happy memories. I just feel it's wrong to even mention thier names. I have lost several VERY loved pets over the past years and to this day I miss and cry over them like it was yesterday. Most of my family, don't miss them like I do. I think to them they think it's just an animal. They don't understand the connection of an animal to a certain name. It's like if I have lost a pet with that name I will not watch a tv show/movie or even go to a cashier with that name. I have been wondering something though! I have always steered away from anything that uses their names if possible. Most recently I lost my two dogs Tiffany 1/29/04 and Brady 4/09/04. Brady has become such a popular name. I hate the New England Patriots for that reason. (Tom Brady) They were both Golden Retreivers and if I even see another dog that looks like them I am very upset. I hate saying their names, because I don't want them to think I don't miss them or have stopped loving them. My brother watches the show Brady Bunch all the time and it really bothers me, because I used to like the show (I think it was on TBS in syndication), and had Brady not passed on I would have bought the DVD set. But, don't want her to think I don't miss her. So I avoid anything with the name Brady if possible. Even though she was not named after that show. Tiffany was named after the singer Tiffany and the day she died I stopped listening to her and have tossed all of the cd's I owned, because I don't want her to think she is not loved or missed. But, this past week I was wondering if avoiding those names is actually a good thing. I miss them both SO much and the first cat I lost was named K.I.T.T. after the car on Knight Rider. He died 2/27/98. I still cry when ever I hear the name and have avoided that show for fear he will think I have gotten over his death. I had a kitten named Knight, who was only a few months old when he died also named as part of that show. Am I doing the right thing by avoiding anything possible in reference to their names? I don't want them to think I have stopped loving or missing them. Someone told me by stopping any reference to their names (tv shows. movies) is that when I have children and they should have a friend named Brady,Tiffany, Sierra, and others will I try and get them to not be friends with them for the reason of their name. Or will I adventually go crazy if I hear their names. I know this might not make sense. But, is avoiding anything with their names in it actaully a good thing, or should I try and involve things that include their names? As I re-read this it seems like I am asking for "permission" to say watch tv programs with their names in it, but my main question is: Do any of you watch tv shows, movies, go to cashier's with your pets names? Am I doing the right thing for them by avoiding anything that involves their names? Do you talk about your lost pets, or avoid talking about them for fear of them (if they are truly in Heaven) thinking you have gotten over losing them. I don't want to become unemotionally attached to them, even if they are not here. Does any of this make sense? I don't think I want to become immune, but I don't want it to become unhealthy, avoiding any contact with their names.

Thank You!

I am just the opposite. I try not to let one day go by that I don't make some sort of reference to my Sasha. I know she is still around me, and I think that by not talking about her, or speaking her name, she will think I have forgotten about her. My husband and I talk about her all the time, even if it means we shed a tear, because we never want her to think she has been forgotten as a part of our family. I think it is an honor to her and her memory, and although I sometimes feel sad when I see her name somewhere, or hear of another animal named Sasha, I cherish that, and any moment for that matter, that I am able to be reminded of her. I was in PetSmart the other day, and I heard someone on the next aisle say "Sasha, come!". I felt my heart sink, and just had to have a look at this baby who wore my Sasha's name. As I peeked around the aisle, I saw the most precious little pup, and all I could think of was that I hoped this pup would be everything to her family that my Sasha was to me, and I smiled.
I guess the point is, there is no right or wrong way when it comes to dealing with your grief. You should do whatever works best for you and your heart, whatever that might be.
With Love,
Kim

When I first started grieving, I literally cried 24/7. And then, I started crying a little less-- maybe only once a day-- that was accompanied by some guilt-- "Am I forgetting them????"

In truth, I will never ever ever forget them. I will never stop loving them, I will never stop missing them. Even if I wanted to (and of course, I don't), I can't forget them.

I think if the ritual of avoiding their names brings you comfort then it is not problematic. But I also believe your pets are playing happily at the bridge, secure in their knowledge of your love for them, so that for them, the ritual does not matter.I think they just want you to be happy-- just like they did when they were here with you.

--Jennifer

I recently watched the movie " The Fugitive" again for the first time in a couple of years. Although my Cosmo was not named after the character in the movie ( one of the U.S. Marshals) when I first heard them say that name, I lost it and wanted to turn it off. Even my boyfriend said, "uh-oh" when he heard them say Cosmo's name. I speak for myself when I say that the reminders of names can be quite painful and we all deal with them in our own way. You should do whatever you need to to keep yourself feeling better, even if that means avoiding the shows where the names remind you of the furbabies you have lost. I KNOW they do not feel like you are forgetting them, you are just trying to avoid the sadness. Some day, I think you will be able to hear the names, and hopefully, it will not hurt as much. You just continue to do whatever helps YOU.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

I'm worried that maybe by avoiding their names and avoiding talking about them that you may be avoiding dealing with your grief. Losing pets can be extremely painful and hard to deal with. It might help you to talk to someone about that pain (maybe even a professional). As for worrying about them thinking you do not miss them or love them, I don't believe you have to worry about that. Pets know someone loves them not by what they say but by what they do and think. I know that everyone deals with grief differently but I honestly think you could benefit from talking about your pets and your grief. Posting on this site is a good start towards healing. I encourage you to continue posting.

Tracy

I sing to my Sandy P in the car when no one is listening! Yesterday was a big step for me--I was able to tell a friend at work that Sandy P was put to sleep June 14. Of course, I burst into tears, but she understood because tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary of her dog's death. Have you read the "All is Well" post here in this site? I think you will find it very comforting. Everyone grieves differently and there is no right or wrong way. Losing a beloved pet is one of the hardest things we have to go through. I wish I could say something that will make you feel better, but there just aren't any words except that I am very sorry. We all understand your grief and want to help you through it as best we can, so please come back and talk with us again.

Love,

Christine

I don't believe there is a right way or a wrong way to grieve. You have to do what is comfortable and feels good for you.

I sing my "Neko song" a couple of times a day and run through all of her nicknames (Big Mac, Mackeral Cat, Catfish, Fishface, The Striper, etc.) because it makes me feel good. Even as I write this, I sense her lying on the chair next to me. I know Neko will always be with me, but speaking her name seems to draw her spirit closer, so I do it as often as I can.

Speaking someone's name is powerful and something I've done with all of my animal friends (Chuck, Sable, Leo, Suki, Koko, Garbo, Tai Bok, Taffy and Bun-Bun), and my mom and sister after they passed. I think it honors their memory by showing I haven't forgotten them.

Thank You all for sharing your stories. I am so sorry for all of your losses. It seems to be that no matter how small or large, the animal is they seem to sneak a way into your heart. After Kitt died I swore off anymore cats. It didn't work. They just have a way of sneaking into your heart and before you know it, you are SO in love with them. Then it's too late. I am glad that I found this board. I'm glad I am not alone in being so grief stricken with the loss of my pets. I'm also glad I'm not "crazy". I cried over our fish. I really hate hearing, they are only fish. Just because you can't hold them, does not mean they don't deserve love. I have shared your stories with two of my sisters, who have been dealing with their grief the same way as I have. By avoiding anyone/anything with names of our animal loss. My parakeet is by far the hardest to avoid hearing her name. She was 13 and her name was Baby. I have learned how to unrelate her name to the word baby. We are still pondering on what we should do, but I have now begun to realize one thing with the responses. That by avoiding saying their names and avoiding anything and everything that associates their names in anyway we are possibly missing out on alot of fun memories of them. The joy that they brought us. Because of all the joy and funtimes they brought us, they deserve for us to talk about them and remember the fun and joy that they brought into our lives. Thank You all for your advice. I have given the link of this board to two of my sisters. Thank You again!!