Let me first say that I'm eternally grateful for the support that I have received on this site. It's wonderful that sites such as this one exist. When I first started coming here, this site was my lifeline. Lately, however, reading other's stories seems to intensify my grief. And I can't always offer support because I'm hurting too much to be very optimistic.
I know that many people have been on this site for quite a while. And if it's helping them, that's wonderful. What I'm wondering is if they've ever needed to take a "break" from the site, if there were times when it made things worse. It is one month today since Duke passed and today has been really, really hard for me. I can't word things very well when I'm in this state of mind and the last thing I want to do is offend anyone. Please know that I'm not passing judgement on anyone who has stayed with this site for a long time. We all grieve differently and I'm looking for opinions. I don't know what to do. I'm wondering if other people have felt this way.
Tracy
Full Version: Should I Keep Coming To This Site?
Hi, Tracy-
I came to this site in October of 2004. Shiloh died in September and when I found myself still grief-stricken in October I decided it was time to look for some support...that's how I found LS. For a couple of months it was my lifeline, but after a while I too found that reading the posts made by others only intensified my grief. With every new member that joined and wrote their story, I felt like I was living Shiloh's death all over again. So, all of that to say, I got to a point where I knew I needed to take some time away. I took a few weeks off...I'd check in from time to time to see how everyone was doing, and I think it was in January that a member whose dog had lymphoma joined. Having gone through Shiloh's battle with lymphoma, I felt like Shiloh's story could help this new member deal with her dog's lymphoma diagnosis. So, I started posting again. When I realized that Shiloh's story had helped this new member, I decided that I would stay here for a year to honor Shiloh's memory.
To answer your question...taking a break is totally normal. Coming here and posting a few times and leaving is fine, coming here and posting numerous times and staying a while is fine, too. We all greive differently and that's okay. You need to do whatever it is that will help you heal. I'm just very glad I got the opportunity to meet you and Duke.
Take care,
Kathleen
I came to this site in October of 2004. Shiloh died in September and when I found myself still grief-stricken in October I decided it was time to look for some support...that's how I found LS. For a couple of months it was my lifeline, but after a while I too found that reading the posts made by others only intensified my grief. With every new member that joined and wrote their story, I felt like I was living Shiloh's death all over again. So, all of that to say, I got to a point where I knew I needed to take some time away. I took a few weeks off...I'd check in from time to time to see how everyone was doing, and I think it was in January that a member whose dog had lymphoma joined. Having gone through Shiloh's battle with lymphoma, I felt like Shiloh's story could help this new member deal with her dog's lymphoma diagnosis. So, I started posting again. When I realized that Shiloh's story had helped this new member, I decided that I would stay here for a year to honor Shiloh's memory.
To answer your question...taking a break is totally normal. Coming here and posting a few times and leaving is fine, coming here and posting numerous times and staying a while is fine, too. We all greive differently and that's okay. You need to do whatever it is that will help you heal. I'm just very glad I got the opportunity to meet you and Duke.
Take care,
Kathleen
Hi Tracy,
What you're feeling is completely normal. Lots of folks find thsat it's difficult to read about other furries that have passed on. I took about a month off recently myself for that very reason.
If you find that it's too hard to read the posts, don't. Give it some time and try again later. If it's still too tough, give it some more time. But don't give up coming here if you still need a safe outlet for your thoughts and feelings.
Whatever you decide, don't try to rush through your greiving. Let it take it's course. Otherwise you'll find it may keep coming back.
Tim
What you're feeling is completely normal. Lots of folks find thsat it's difficult to read about other furries that have passed on. I took about a month off recently myself for that very reason.
If you find that it's too hard to read the posts, don't. Give it some time and try again later. If it's still too tough, give it some more time. But don't give up coming here if you still need a safe outlet for your thoughts and feelings.
Whatever you decide, don't try to rush through your greiving. Let it take it's course. Otherwise you'll find it may keep coming back.
Tim
Hi, Tracy,
As member #5, I've clearly been out here awhile!!!!But during the intense part of my grief, I never felt a need to take a break. For me, all the sobbing and wailing was going to happen whether I was posting or not. It was just less lonely, having this site.
As I began to recover, I stayed on the board to offer support to people whose grief was raw. I wanted to give back what had been given to me.
But with time, I tapered off. I wanted to make sure that everyone was responded to and people were taken care of, but newer members were doing that just fine. So for a long time, I didn't post at all, although I still checked in every week or so to make sure the site was ok.
This site is meant to help. And if you feel like it hurts, then-- don't do that to yourself!!!
If you just need to write it all out, but not read other people's stories, then do that. If you need to take a break for awhile, then do that.
I think the one thing you shouldn't do is try to repress your grief for Duke. I think that trying to move on before you're ready is just going to make things worse. Sometimes, families and friends want us to stop grieving much sooner than is possible. Of course, we want to feel normal again as well, but it just takes time.
Whatever you feel is best for you is what we want for you.
--Jennifer
As member #5, I've clearly been out here awhile!!!!But during the intense part of my grief, I never felt a need to take a break. For me, all the sobbing and wailing was going to happen whether I was posting or not. It was just less lonely, having this site.
As I began to recover, I stayed on the board to offer support to people whose grief was raw. I wanted to give back what had been given to me.
But with time, I tapered off. I wanted to make sure that everyone was responded to and people were taken care of, but newer members were doing that just fine. So for a long time, I didn't post at all, although I still checked in every week or so to make sure the site was ok.
This site is meant to help. And if you feel like it hurts, then-- don't do that to yourself!!!
If you just need to write it all out, but not read other people's stories, then do that. If you need to take a break for awhile, then do that.I think the one thing you shouldn't do is try to repress your grief for Duke. I think that trying to move on before you're ready is just going to make things worse. Sometimes, families and friends want us to stop grieving much sooner than is possible. Of course, we want to feel normal again as well, but it just takes time.
Whatever you feel is best for you is what we want for you.
--Jennifer
I am hoping that using this site will help me too and I don't think the amount of time spent can hurt because every one grieves differently. I lost my beloved cat Buddy 3 weeks ago and the pain has only become worse because I miss him more every day that he has not been here with me. I do not have any other children and Buddy has been my child since 1989. He has been there to take care of me through my divorce, and every other one of my challenges. In 1995 he broke his leg and since then he has been the focus of my life because the thought that I could have lost him was more than I could bear. In 2000 he was diagnosed with diabetes becoming the most important part of each day. I am not married and never felt lonely because each day when I came home he would climb my leg to be picked up and hugged - sometimes he would just like to be carried around. We would sit together and he would listen to whatever I had to say as long as there was a chin scratch involved. At 8 AM and PM he could come to me no matter where I was for his insulin shot .
Every night he would come and get me to go to bed at 10:30 and at 7:30 in the morning he would wake me up by lying on my chest. He was everything to me and now the pain of loosing him to Kidney failure becomes worse each day. In the last 5 months I tried to make him comfortable and cried every day at the thought that I would have to make a choice sooner or later to let him go. It was the worst day of my life and the guilt I feel for not knowing if he was ready to go and for not knowing right away that he was sick. His last gift to me was to let me grieve for him more than worrying for myself because I was hospitalized in March for having had epileptic seizures (never ever before) - soon after Buddy was diagnosed with Kidney failure. I haven't had time to worry about myself because I had to care for Buddy. I can only hope that when we die we can be reunited with our pets who give us their unconditional love avery day.
I have read so many the messages here and they have helped me realize that there are other people who feel as I have for the loss of Buddy.
Every night he would come and get me to go to bed at 10:30 and at 7:30 in the morning he would wake me up by lying on my chest. He was everything to me and now the pain of loosing him to Kidney failure becomes worse each day. In the last 5 months I tried to make him comfortable and cried every day at the thought that I would have to make a choice sooner or later to let him go. It was the worst day of my life and the guilt I feel for not knowing if he was ready to go and for not knowing right away that he was sick. His last gift to me was to let me grieve for him more than worrying for myself because I was hospitalized in March for having had epileptic seizures (never ever before) - soon after Buddy was diagnosed with Kidney failure. I haven't had time to worry about myself because I had to care for Buddy. I can only hope that when we die we can be reunited with our pets who give us their unconditional love avery day.
I have read so many the messages here and they have helped me realize that there are other people who feel as I have for the loss of Buddy.
Tracy, I know just how you feel. Sometimes I think reading about other people's sad stories keeps mine too fresh. Today is my second month anniversary since I lost my Baby Girl. It will be a hard day for me also. And sometimes I have to stay away for awhile. Lisa
Thank you all for your replies. I came on this site today with the sole purpose of saying that I was going to take a break from it for a while. Instead, I ended up replying to someone's post. Today, although I'm hurting, my grief is not quite as intense as it is some days. I think I will take some time away or just stay in the background for a while though. Each day is a new day with different feelings, however, so who knows what I'll actually do 
. Thank you all for being there for me. I truly appreciate it. You are all in my thoughts and my heart.
Tracy
. Thank you all for being there for me. I truly appreciate it. You are all in my thoughts and my heart.Tracy
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