I don't know how it happened, I awoke at 5:30 a.m., and went out to take care of my birds, then went to the dump and the store, I thought I was fine. As soon as I got home and settled though, the pain came on and the tears have started flowing. I barely have enough in me to type this post, but I need to reach out. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone around me, but that is coming from me, not them. They have been sensitive and patient, but they cannot change the sadness I feel right now. I started Cosmo's grave marker 6 days ago, after a month without him, and it has been finished for a few days, but I cannot bring myself to put it back out at the grave. My heart aches so much, I just miss him so. I thought I had begun to work through the guilt, but that is a strong feeling today. I keep thinking that if there was a sign sooner, I could have helped the vet save him, but there wasn't. He was just so sick, that I had to let him go. I feel so grief stricken just like the first day, and I wish I could touch him and hold him, the way I always used to. The truth is, I think the reality is setting in that he is not coming home. His loss has changed our lives and the feeling in this house is so different than when he was here. Each time it rains, (or in a few months, snows) or it gets hot out, or at night, I used to feel comfort that all of my babies were safe in this home, but I have lost 3 pets since last May, and they are all buried in the ground instead of being in here safe with me. I believe in God, and I believe they are safer with him, but that doesn't change the fact that I want them here. MY BABIES ARE MY LIFE. I still have 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 14 mice, but a huge part of our family is missing. Someday I will lose those that are still here with me, and after having a day like today, I wonder how I'll be able to deal with it. I just needed to let out these thoughts along with my tears, but I think I'll keep crying for a while.
Blessings to those of you out there missing your babies, if I have read your stories, I am still thinking of you, and if I have not yet read them, I will when I am having a better day. The feeling of loss is as great as the feeling of love, 2 opposite ends of the spectrum that equal each other.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

Dear Michelle,

I think you'll find as you travel this journey of grief that you'll have good days and bad days. In the beginning you'll find that the bad days out number the good days, but as time passes, you'll find that the good days out number the bad days. I can honestly say that not a day goes by that I don't miss Shiloh and Hobbie, but I find comfort in the happy memories we had together, those memories help me when I feel really sad.

It's important when you have bad days like today, that you allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel.

Hugs,
Kathleen

Dear Michelle
I have not been on this site for a few months. Your Cosmo looks very much like my Nivloc that I lost almost 11 years ago. I thought I would never heal and I still hurt. I helped send my Penni to heaven on March 4, 2005 and I still do not know when the "moments" will hit me. I can tell you that they are "fewer" and further between. Although, at times I feel I will not survive the moments or the loss of any of my kids in the future.
I have a 16yr old cat in renal failure--getting sub Q fluids daily--she does great as long as she gets her fluid--however, she is 16. I also have a dog, Ruby that is 14. My first horse (I have 4 now), Domino who is closer to 30 that 20. All of my other 14 furry kids are between 3 and 13 years.
It is such a horrible thing to lose our furry friends. I know that Penni is still with me as I feel her spirit and I know that she is with God. However, all of that does not take away our missing that furry little body that we can bury our faces in and tell our deep dark secrets to without any judgement.
I know that most of "society" says "well it's a dog, a cat, a horse, a rabbit, a turtle etc. However, for me I can say that losing my animal soul mates is as hard or harder than losing a human that I am close to and love. So please know that there are those of us out there who understand and care about where you are and what you are feeling. It is the hardest thing---it is important that you let the emotions come.
IF YOU DID NOT LOVE COSMO SO MUCH IT WOULD NOT HURT SO MUCH.
I am sure he was honored to have you in his life and I am equally as sure that you are a better person and are honored to have had him in yours.
My thoughts and prayers are with you in this horrible time of sorrow.

Leona

Michelle, yesterday on the 27' was my 8 week anniversary for my best friend, Bailey. I had to put her to sleep on May 2, 2005. Sone days it seems like yesterday. Saturday was especially bad. Dont't know exactly why. I think it was because I tried to talk about her and I just can't yet. Except like this. And I want to talk about her SO BAD! Anyway, I have a long way to go and probably you do too. Lisa

Dear Michelle ~
I am so sorry for your sadness. Especially poignant is the line you wrote that says
I feel so grief stricken just like the first day, and I wish I could touch him and hold him, the way I always used to.

I have been on a roller coaster of grief since losing Amber ~ I close my eyes and she is there ~ waiting and gazing patiently ~ my sweet soft dear lovie Ambie ~ so sweet ~ Heart of my heart ~ she brought coolness to the heated brow of stress ~ and laughter to the heaviest of moments ~

I would give up all I have and start over with nothing just to have another day with my sweetie peaty

The Love is the thing that binds us together ~ it is the glue of the souls and silver web that connects the spirits ~

We are so blessed to have known these angels for such a brief time ~ never long enough ~

My heart goes out to you this day ~ I have a candle that burns when I am home for all of the lost and fallen souls we have said Adieu to ~

May you have Peace and know that He is holding you in the Hollow of his hand ~

Sincere Thoughts,

Kathryn