Yesterday (June 21, 2005), marked four weeks since my Cosmo passed on. I spent the day working on his permanent grave marker, I haven't had the heart to do it until now. I find myself still feeling like he will just return, come back home as if he were at the vet, or had just been missing. But everyday without him, makes the reality that he has passed stronger. I dreamt of him a couple of nights ago, he was sitting on the bathroom counter getting fresh air from the open window, and I walked in and said, "Cosmo, here you are, I've been looking for you." Then I carried him to his human Daddy, who was still laying in bed, and laid Cosmo with him. Then I woke up to the nighmare that he's gone from our physical home. It is amazing to me how, at times, my life is still moving on, and then suddenly I am in tears again from missing him. I think I see him out of the corner of my eye, and I turn to look, but it isn't him. (or maybe it is, in his spiritual form )
The only thing I know for sure is that I miss him laying with me and following me through the house whenever I'd get home from being out, or how hard it is to look for a video or DVD to watch, because he would ALWAYS come to the shelves or cabinets and stand up on my leg or Dad's leg, or against the shelf and we would pet him while we looked for something to watch and call him "Video Toes". I caught Daddy crying for him the other day when he was at those shelves, and then I broke down too.
We miss our Video Toes, Cotton Socks, Mo's Toes, Mobitussin, Cosmotosis, and Fluffy Toe. (His nickname list is ALOT longer, but typing each one makes the tears flow harder.)
My sweet Mosoltoe, every thing in this house reminds me of you because we were sooo close. I think of you always and cry many, many times a day, but I do know you are better off now, in your peaceful, and pain free place- but my selfishness of missing you wants you home with us. I Love You Baby Boy. Visit me in my dreams again, it will bring a smile to my face.
In the meantime, I sleep with your blanket (the one you slept on, on the back cushion of the couch with the word LOVE bordered around it. I have not washed it and don't know if I ever will. I also cover my pillow with the towel I was using to keep you warm when you first got sick before you passed, I don't know when I'll be able to wash that either.) These things still smell like you and make me feel a little closer to you. Rest Easy and Have Fun until Mommy comes for you.

I am so sorry for you loss of Cosmo.

And jealous that he visited you. Mine have never visited me in my dreams....

I hope you have more good visits.

--Jennifer

I'm thinking of you and Cosmo on his 4 week anniversary.

All the nicknames you had for him are so endearing. I'm glad he was able to visit you in a dream.

Hugs,
Kathleen

Thanks to you both for your thoughts and "cyber" hugs. I miss him everyday, dreaming of him will never be good enough.
Maybe you have had dreams, but just can't remember them. The first few days after Mo passed, I would awake off the couch with a good feeling and didn't really know where it came from (but I think I had been dreaming of Cosmo )
I am thinking of you both and your losses.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

Michelle,

I am thinking of you and Cosmo today.

I hope you are not working yourself into a frenzy. Take good gentle care of yourself.

Love,
Jennifer