It's been 8 days since I had Sandy P put to sleep, and I still don't feel like it's getting any easier. When I had her put to sleep (the vet came out to the car to do it), I felt such an overwhelming sense of peace and love travel through my body. I think it was when her spirit left her body. It lasted about 30 seconds then was gone. I try and find comfort in that, but when I try and recapture that feeling, I can't. I'm afraid that if I keep trying too hard, I'm going to mess it up somehow and I won't remember it properly. You'll probably think I'm nuts when I tell you this: I have big bottle of calcium pills. Every time I take one, I think to myself "when all these pills are gone, things will be a little better." My husband is being so patient and supportive, but I've known Sandy P longer than I've known my husband so he understands. Sandy P saw me through a rough divorce and nursing school. I'm hanging in there...I've got an early morning meeting I've got to go to so I'd better dry my eyes and get going. I think about all of you often.

Love,

Christine

Christine:

I am so so sorry for your loss of Sandy P.

But 8 days is not near enough time to heal. Everyone is different but it sounds like Sandy P was a dear friend for a long time, so it is probably going to take awhile before it starts easing up. A general rule fo thumb is one month of grief for every year of love you shared. That's about what it was for me when I lost Saki and Freyja within a few weeks of each other. Saki was 12 and Freyja was 14 and it was probably over a year before I really started feeling normal again. I was off work (I teach) when they died) and honestly for the first 6 weeks I did nothing but cry and make memorials to them. I'd wake up crying and I'd go to bed crying. I tried an entire 2 times to leave the house during those 6 weeks -- and both times all I did was wander around in public crying! And then I was embarrassed on top of being a basketcase.

During those early weeks, I really thought I might lose my mind. Seriously. Thank God for this site.

But eventually I cried less. But for months it was like a tally "I only cried once today" "I only cried three times this week..." But it was probably a whole year before I could mention them dying without busting in to tears....

So just be really really nice to yourself and give yourself the time you need.

Love,
Jennifer

Hi Jennifer, Thanks so much for your reply. I know I'm trying to push myself to get back to "normal" but it just doesn't work that way. Jack (my husband) and I were just outside looking at Sandy P's grave and talking about what we are going to plant there. I burst into tears again, and I hate doing that in front of Jack as I know it's hurting him too. I also know that Sandy P isn't in that grave--that's just a body that she was using while she was here on earth. I bet if I went to visit a medium, my aura would be full of all the doggie spirits that I have had the honor of knowing in my life. I'm still having trouble sleeing at night. For the past few months, I would wake up at night and check that Sandy P. was still in the room with me. She had disk problems and would have trouble getting up from a sitting or lying position sometimes. We had a doggy door, and I was always afraid that she had gone out and couldn't get back in again. I would get up, put on the porch light, and there she'd be, just wandering around having a little sniff and a bark. When she saw me looking at her, she'd come in and get a "chewie." I think sometimes she was conning me in to getting up and giving her a treat. I still wake up frequently during the night, even though I have no one to check on now. I have four other dogs, and so far they are healthy. Sandy P's full name is Sandy Patches. She was a ##er spaniel, mostly white but with sandy brown patches. When she was younger, she had freckles on her face. I know she's with me in spirit, but right now I want to touch her and see her. I hope she's looking at me now wondering what all the fuss is about 'cos she's having such a great time, and in the blink of an eye, we'll be together again. I remember someone telling me that spirits don't visit us as often as we'd like to because what is years to us is only seconds to them. Right now, I feel like each second is a year long.

Christine

Christine

They say that mourning takes one month per year that you shared with the other person. This might hold true for our pets, too. There was too much love shared between the two of you to get over in merely 8 days.

It does get better with time, though. But even after a year, I am still hit with a wave of grief that comes out of the blue. But it isn't constant, and life is much easier than it was for those hard few weeks right after he left for the Bridge.

Anyone that can get over the death of their furry loved one in 8 days truly didn't love them all that much. When we lose something we love our hearts grieve, our whole bodies grieve... I know I too spend a lot of time trying to act as though I am fine, and unfortunately that is necessary as most of the world just truly does not understand. When it comes right down to it, I'm not fine.. my closest friends know that, and even though I try so hard to act fine, some days (like yesterday) I just CAN'T, and won't. It's been over 3 weeks, and I still don't feel ok or any better. I thought I was but that was just a lie I told myself to get myself through each day. You absolutely must allow yourself time to properly grieve or it will creep up on you as it has me. And there is no time frame... Some people feel ok sooner than others... while some grieve and cry for a year or more continuously. We are all different and we will all deal with it differently... but the fact remains, our hearts are broken.. smashed to bits... and we must give it proper time to heal. Even though it feels like it never will...

I honestly think that grieving time is different for everybody. Some people will never completely recover from the loss of a pet (or loved one for that matter). For me, it was a month yesterday that I had to put my sweet Cosmo down. On the ninth day after, I actually ended up in the E/R with symptoms of a heart attack (o.k., so I'm a little crazy). It turned out to be acute anxiety and panic brought on by the loss of my Cosmo. You see for the first week I gave myself ALOT of time to sob and wail, and to prepare myself for life without him. The thing that happened is that after that week, when it really came down to actually moving on, I became a little manic. I had alot of work to catch up on, as well as people to get back to, and I worked myself into a frenzy, and I hadn't been eating and sleeping good either, so it all caught up with me.
I feel for your loss of your sweet furbaby and friend, and I wish I had those magic words to help you now. I will say that time does help, and if ANYONE around you in your life does not continue to support you and understand, or they try to tell you that you have had enough time, make sure you reach out for someone here. Unfortunately, all of us here understand and we are all at different stages in our losses. Sometimes those that are closest to us just want to see us again the way we were before the loss, so they try to encourage that. You are the only one who will know when it is your time to heal and feel better. We are all special individuals, (so are our furbabies) and that difference makes our ability to recover from trauma and heart break different. Hang in there, you will begin to feel a little better everyday, and then there will be days that you completely break down again, but it WILL get better and a little progress is better than none.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

Hi, Christine,

I was just wondering how you're doing today. Hope today is a good day.

I think it is ok to cry in front of Jack. Of course he is hurting too. Tim had a lot of trouble crying, and so I actually had todo his crying for him. He needed to cry, but doesn't know how. Maybe Jack is the same way--?

Of course everyone is different in their rate and process of healting. But I kinda like the one-month for every year rule, just bc for me it helps to put things in perspective, it's comforting when you're worried that it's been "a whole week" and you're wondering why you're not better yet.

Hi Saki and Freyja's Mom,

Today was a "put on my brave face" work day, and I got through it okay. I'm still not able to listen to music so my car radio has been off since June 14. Yesterday, my husband took me to lunch and Dolly Parton's "I Will Always Love You" came on. The tears started flowing again but I didn't completely break down. I know if it had been Celine Dione"s "My Heart Will Go On" I would have completely lost it. I'm still a little bit numb, and I still think of her constantly. I have to remember that she had a long and healthy life, and she was loved. It was just the last few weeks when her quality of life suffered, and I was with her to the very end. I miss her so much. I know it will get easier eventually, and I'll be able to talk about her to the people at work, but I'm not quite ready yet.

Christine

Dear Christine,

After Shiloh died I started listening to talk radio because so many songs would make me cry. I've gone back to listening to music stations now, but I have to confess, there are still of couple of songs that make me break down and boo-hoo cry. I was 6 months into my grief over Shiloh before I could talk about her with friends and not start crying.

You're still so very fresh in your grief over Sandy P. I think it's important that we take time to feel sad, cry, and do whatever we need to do to properly grieve our lost pet. When Shiloh died I decided to give myself a year to grieve...I'm at 9 months now, and I have to say, the pain has subsided and I've been able to find comfort in all the happy memories Shiloh and I had. Sadly, some of my Shiloh healing was "undone" when my kitty, Hobbie, passed away suddenly last month...plus now I'm dealing with fresh grief over my little pumpkin angel.

Hang in there, Christine.
Hugs,
Kathleen

It's now been 15 days. Yesterday was pretty good, relatively speaking. Then this morning, I was outside in the garage doing some laundry. I heard my husband in the house make this silly little yodel that he does sometimes. Sandy P was almost completely deaf, but she would hear that and bark. This morning, there was no bark. Everything came rushing back and I've been crying all day. It's almost like I'm back to 15 days ago. I know there will be good days and bad days. Those bad moments really blind-side you, don't they?

Christine

It has been three months since my dear sweet boy, Panther, went to the Bridge. There is not one day that goes by that I don't shed tears. They are such friends, those sweet companions, that it is hard not to think of them not with us. Please just take one day at a time and do try and remember their special ways. They say "time erases everything but memories..." so give your self lots of time. I know you have lots of memories and they will sustain you..but first the tears and sadness. It is OK to cry, please remember that. I do every day.

Be well,
Nank and Panther (GA)