I feel like I post too much but I honestly don't know where else to go with my tears.
I just got a letter from Freeway's vet. They have a website and a memorial page for all the pets they've cared for and lost. They want me to pick my favorite picture of Freeway and send a short note about him. I went to the page, and there's already a picutre of my baby there. They take pictures of all the pets on the first visit to add to their file. It's a horrible picutre, Freeway never could sit still... But it's the first time I have looked at a picture since he died. His sweet little face... I don't want to be writing memorials about him, I WANT HIM BACK... It hurts so bad and I just don't know what to do. I looked around the website more and they have pictures of all the staff and when I saw the picture of the vet who put him to sleep all I could think was there's the man who killed my baby, and I let him do it. I feel SO guilty, STILL.. I thought I had let some of that go. God I just miss him and feel like I've been holding back my feelings and my tears at least for the 2 weeks and now this has triggered it all again and I can't stop.
If anyone would like to see a picture of my baby, as I still don't have one online, go to www.simcoevet.com and then friends we miss 2005. He is Freeway Brown.. my sweet baby boy... The picture does him NO justice.. none... I need to send them a better one... I would do absolutely anything to hold him right now... My heart is breaking all over again.

Don't ever feel like you post too much. This site is for us. My Sandy P has been gone one week today. I had to have her put to sleep after 16 years. Everyone thinks I'm doing okay because I "function" in public. They don't see me cry because I do it in private. I have a picture taped above my computer, and I'm looking at her now. I miss her so much. Life is a chore right now. I am actually looking forward to the day when I can be with her again. Please know that you are not suffering alone.

Christine

I took over a picture and a little message today... you can see it at www.simcoevet.com under friends we miss 2005 and click on Freeway Brown, on the pic.. it will open in a new window, bigger... its still not the best picture but it shows my baby very clearly. Still having a really hard day... not sure how to get thru it... Feel like the tears will never stop now that they've started again

Honey when i first came here i used it as a kind of diary, i didnt care if no one answered me i had to let it out.

I would post here 3am 4am 6am noon the nightime was always worse and somehow when i posted on here i would be able to go to bed and finally sleep.

You and Freeway had a very special vet. i wish that all vets worked from the heart and not from the pocket.

Love Sue

Jenn,

Wow, he's a real CUTIE. No wonder you loved him so much. His adoration and love just radiate from that picture. You can be proud of him.

Dear Jenn,

I went to the website you posted...Freeway was so very cute, and the tribute you wrote for him was very touching.

I didn't find this website until 6 weeks after Shiloh had died...it was a life saver for me. We're all here to support you...please don't feel like you post too much. Getting your feelings out is an important part of the grieving process.

I'm so sorry for your loss of Freeway.
Hugs,
Kathleen

I am glad that I now have a way to show Freeway to you... And yes, we did have a very special vet. We just moved here 2 years ago.. One year after moving here was when the first tumor was found, this these guys did absoutely everything they could to make it go away and never come back. Then when the 2nd tumor was found, and they knew they couldn't save him, our focus changed to giving him as much quality of life as possible. I know a lot of vets who try to push euthenasia as soon as a life threatening illness is found, instead of dealing with the sickness and keeping the pet here as long as possible. These guys did absolutely everything they could, all while respecting me and my family. They were great to us and great to him and after seeing their website and how they pay tribute to all our precious furbabies I have no doubt that they were the right people to go to with my little one. If I ever get another pet while I live here I know I will return.

I continue to struggle tonight. This has hit me hard... I knew eventually it would as I have spent so much time and energy pretending to be ok... when in reality I was not.. am not.. don't feel like I ever will be again. It still almost doesn't feel real, and I almost expect to see him running towards me in the backyard, or coming into my bedroom and running straight to his treat drawer with his little begging puppy dog eyes being shot my way. He lived a good, full, happy life.. and for that I am grateful.. He had 9 years of complete health and 1.5 years of sickness but comfort... and boy was he ever spoiled, especially after he got sick. He was the sweetest, kindest, most loving little one I've ever met. He had his own ways of showing he loved you, he wasn't real cuddly... but he made sure you knew. I wish I was older and would be reunited with him sooner. Being only 23 I more than likely have many many years before he and I will be together again. I know as time passes it won't seem so difficult to be without him... My arms will always long for him.. As will my heart. I will never again be the same...

Thank you all for your support.... I feel comfortable now posting as much as I need to.... I am past the point where I need people to respond, but it still helps when you do. And I thank you for that.