Dear friends at LS
I haven’t posted anything lately on LS, although I have been reading the board every day. I am sad to see so many new members to this family of folks who have lost our furry ones, becasue it means that there are more people feeling sad our there, but I am so glad to see that they have all come to the right place and hope that they can find the same comfort that I have found here. I’m just sorry I have not been able to provide any words of comfort myself in the last few days.
The truth is, I am coming slightly unhinged and I am struggling terribly with something so I’m going to write about it here and see what you think about this:
Tomorrow evening will be exactly two weeks since my beloved Ryddley crossed over. This in itself if bad enough and the loss of her is becoming ever more apparent in my life with every passing day. I think somewhere inside me, some part of me that a psychiatrist would label ‘denial’ thought that maybe she was just away, or unwell, and that I would hear the familiar pawfall and squawk for breakfast, if only I could wake up from this very bad dream.
But this is not the case and I am bereft, and to make matters worse I leave this house in which I lived for eight years with Ryddley, and the garden in which she is buried in just three nights’ time, late on Wednesday evening. I am moving an entire continent away and there is nothing I can do about it.
Since I buried her in the garden under her favourite bush, I have taken great comfort from going out there throughout the day and sitting with her at dusk, the time she passed, and talking to her. I don’t know if she hears me, but I do know that Bertie (neighbour’s cat and friend of Ryd), lies on her grave every day (he never lay there before) and I feel like maybe he ‘senses’ her presence.
What is tearing me to pieces is that very soon –far too soon- I will leave here, and leave her. At least I will leave her physical body here. And what I want to know is, does it make any difference? I was telling Janet today that I am reading/watching every shred of anything I can about the paranormal and the afterlife and it seems to me that spirits seem to hang around the places that are most familiar to them. This being the case, will Ryd’s little spirit wander around this house and this garden looking for me and wondering if I have gone and abandoned her all over again? Or will she be able to find me an entire continent away? I don’t pretend to understand anything at all about the hereafter and how it works, but I am positively distraught at the idea of not being able to ‘visit’ her every day, and the idea that she will not be able to find me.
I know this sounds insane and everyone else here seems to be a good deal more rational than I am, but I really am quite traumatised by the prospect of this and there is nothing I can do. My mother is very ill, an entire continent away, and as I was away during my father’s last years and at his death, I really must pay attention to the living and do right by my mother. I don’t know if in the history of the world anyone has wanted to stay in a house simply to be near the grave of their little furry one, but if they haven’t then I am the first and so be it.
Anyway, I wanted to know if anyone has a take on this as it is tearing me apart. Does it matter where I am geographically? Since my father died (also on a different continent) I have not had a sense of him at all and wonder if this has anything to do with geography.
Am I nuts? Can anybody give me any insight that will make me feel any better about this? It really is too traumatic to lose my beloved kitty and move house/continent all in the space of two weeks.
Sorry to sound so mad (I know I do) but I am really so tearful about this. And sorry that I have been of scant comfort to all of you who have given me so many words of solace in the last two weeks. It has been all I can do to simply function in a day this past week, never mind pack up my entire life into boxes and –today- pack all of Ryd’s things into a box, which tore me apart as you can imagine. I had left her bowl and all her things exactly as they were, for reasons I can’t exactly quantify, but packing it all up today just really finalised everything for me and I am just beside myself.
Anyone have any ideas about the mobility and ‘homing’ abilities of spirits in the afterlife? I guess none of us knows for sure, but some of you seem to have a keener sense of these things than I do and I would sure be grateful for anyone’s opinions right now.
My love and thanks to all of you and to the newcomers on the site I can only say my heartfelt condolences. I really know what you are going through and you truly have come to the right place.
Sorry for rambling.
Hugs to you all
B
x

GHOSTS that haunt a house or place are stuck there for one reason or another, anyone who is too attached to material belongings, alcohol, or a place may not pass over because of this attachment.

Now before you all start crying that maybe your babies didn’t go over (been there done that ) they are infinitely more wise and spiritual than us to do such a thing.

Some spirits do come back because of the happiness they felt in a house just to remember, what you have to realise (I'm sorry I don’t want to go on too much because of those that do not believe and that’s ok) is that life continues, we just do not die, just our bodies do.

As much as I believe this I still get extremely upset at funerals because I will miss the person terribly or because the people there are so upset because they don’t believe that we live on.

Spirit is an energy and that energy can be wherever it wants whenever it wants, and believe me they are in no way attached to their bodies (I'm certainly not) they will come back to the house as I said earlier because they were happy there, and to bask in the wonderful energies that place has for them.

In the blink of an eye, probably quicker they can be with you one minute and sitting on a star then next if they so wish.

When I got rid of my car I was upset because Jude and Sadie would no longer be in the boot, well hell I can tell you that they travel right there next to me now or even on my lap, why would they want to be in the boot.

This earth is a small place for spirit they have no limitations and they know exactly where we are every second of our lives makes no odds, we cant hide from them in Timbuktu because they were with us when we travelled there, they love us too.

Hope I haven’t given anyone nightmares in revealing my opinion.

Love Sue

Brigid,

Don't despair. After you move, you can still visit Ryd by simply closing your eyes and looking into your heart. That is where Ryddley is. She is not in the ground in spirit. She is with you and she will always be with you no matter where you are.

Tracy

No nightmares, Sue! Far from it. That's about the most comforting thing I've heard lately. It does me good to know that Ryddley can be with me wherever I am, and so can my Dad and everyone else whom I've lost and think about and miss.
Thank you for replying to that so speedily. You cannot know how much good it's done me. I've been sitting here with tears pouring donw my face and that was exactly what I need to hear.
I don't believe that anyone on this board will make any judgment call, even if spiritual beliefs differ. One thing I know about animal lovers is that we all, regardless of religion, creed, philosphy or any other boundaries that might divide us in other areas of our life, all believe and hope so fervently that our furry ones go on to even greater happiness and health and that we will see them again.
Thank you again
Love
B
x

Thanks Tracy! I was typing my reply to Sue when you made your post, but it, too, has given me great comfort. I guess I will just miss the physical link to her physical form, but you are right, it's what binds us metaphysically now that counts.
Thanks and hugs to you
B
x

And our hearts are always with us.

Brigid,
To be completely honest, I didn't really believe in paranormal activity until Freeway visited me. I half-heartedly believed, on some level, I suppose.. But if anyone was to ever ask, I would have denied it. Am I a believer now? You bet. Absolutely.

What I believe is that a spirit (human or otherwise) will have things that they are attached to... like SJ said, they connect with places, things, or people that gave them happiness and warmth while they were here on earth. Ryd may very well continue visiting the rose bush and the house, but that in NO WAY means he will not visit you, where ever you may be. He is forever connected to you, as you are to him, and not even death can break the ties of love.

When Freeway visited me I know it wasn't because of this room.. He hated my room!!! He never stayed in here unless I was sick, he was sick and I forced him, or everyone was in here. He'd come in to say hello, give kisses, make sure he knew I was up and I knew he was up, and maybe beg for a treat or play for a few minutes... then he'd leave, go back upstairs and sleep against one of his favorite walls. When he'd sleep with me it would be on the couch usually. Once he got sick he'd sleep in here with me on my bed, but I could tell he still hated being in here, but just needed to be with me. He was here visiting me, not the house, the room, his toys, the treat drawer... he was here for me. He has not shown himself to anyone else in the family. Mom was witness to the smoke alarm going off once, and was also witness to it going off as soon as I got up there. I believe he's off visiting the many places we've lived, the people he loved, the places he loved... I know it's hard to leave their physical bodies. That is why I had Freeway cremated. I will be moving next year across the country.. this way, I can take him with me. It's an irrational fear tho.. it's one we all share. Their bodies are merely the cells that kept them alive all those years. His spirit isn't in that body.... now his spirit is free to go where ever he chooses without a bodies limitations. I completely understand your anxiety and anguish, as most of us will... But I can promise you.. his spirit will find you.. it will never leave. You are forever connected with the bonds of love. Nothing can ever sever that bond. Ryd will travel with you.
My thoughts are prayers are still with you.. I feel and understand your pain... If I could take it all away, for all of us, I would.. instead I will just offer a soothing word and a 'cyber' shoulder to cry on...
~Jenn

Hi Brigid, I think your other posters are right here - Ryd will be able to visit you no matter where you are, because she is in your heart, and your attachment to each other was clearly so strong that she will have no problem finding you and watching over you no matter where you go in this world.

I bet that when you travel she will be able to find you quite easily - and that physical distance doesn't matter in the least now. In fact, I bet she will say hi to her friend Bertie and look in on her old haunts every day before hurrying back to stay with you.

I really do believe that Cinnamon can be anywhere that I am now - whether it is at work or home or whatever, and that while she likes to stay in her yard, she has the freedom to go wherever she wants for as long as she wants - time and distance just don't matter. So I'm sure she is checking out the front yard - she always wanted to see it, but I never let her go there - all the places on the other side of the fence, and maybe places she remembers from before her life with me.

It's funny, a friend of mine who lost one of his cats last year said he believed the same thing.

In a sad way I think that Cinnamon will drift away in time - I suspect the Rainbow Bridge and other things in the spirit world may just be a lot more interesting than my comings and goings! But I also suspect she will check in to make sure Oscar and I are ok and to keep tabs on us, so she'll know when to expect us in her new place. And maybe she found my former cat Doodles and they're comparing notes on me right now, and playing. Doodles was just like Cinnamon, a feisty frisky little tabby girl.

So, every morning I still say hi to her - even if it's just when I open a window to the back yard - and every night I try to say goodnight in her general direction if I forget to do it while I am outside near her grave.

Thank you all for your words of comfort. At times I have moments where I feel I can cope with it and then there are (more) moments (like right this very minute) where even all the comforting words and all faith and hope desert me and I feel I just can't get through the next few days. But I HAVE to. And sorry to sound so weak when you are all being so helpful, but it is just too much for me to move so far away and not be able to 'see' her. I know this is crazy, but what can I do.
Today (this evening) is exactly two weeks since Ryddley crossed over. I can't bear it and I can't believe it and I can't stand the fact that I have to pack all kinds of stuff into boxes, whether or not I have the strength or presence of mind to do so (which I don't). I just hate everything about this but I hope, hope, hope and pray you are all spot-on and that my sweet little torty-cat will find me wherever I am because I sure need to believe that right now. I miss her so much and everyone keeps telling me that she was "one of a kind", which she was. And the void she has left in my life is so big that I just don't know how I am going to trudge up the stairs and pack more of my life away into boxes today.
Thank you all for your words of wisdom and solace. Howcome you all know this stuff and I seem to be so ingorant about the ways of the spirits of our furries? Anyway, whatever the reason I am glad you all know as much as you do and convince me with your conviction. I thank you all.
Love and hugs
B
x

I believe that the spirits come with us when we move. I also believe that they pay visits to all of the places that they lived with us because they have good memories. Since they are now spirit, they do not have the physical limitations that we do.

I know that Oswald left with me that day at the vet, running quickly after me, free from pain. It has been a year ago today, and I still miss him, but I feel a warmth next to the sink where he used to sleep. So I know he is still with me.

I believe that Ryd will be with you always, even in places that the two of you didn't share in earthly life.

Thanks DeeDee and I hope and pray you are right. The thing that is freaking me out is that I won't be near any of the familiar places where she used to lie and eat and sleep (like your Oswald and the space next to the sink) and aepva's Cinnamon, checking out the front yard (even though she wasn't allowed there in life). These are places that are familiar to each of your furries, but where I'm going isn't familiar to Ryddley. Anyway, I guess I'm about to find out and if I don't feel any sense of her or see any 'signs', I will just have to trust that she is with me and wait until I see her again. That sucks, I'll not deny, but I'm just going to have to be brave and have faith (I am very low on both scores, however, I must admit).
I won't be able to say goodnight in her general direction, like I envy aepva doing with Cinnamon every night. But I guess the physical just isn't relevant anymore, and even though the concept is too complex for me to really cope with or understand fully, I must just be accepting of it.
Oh well, it's late at night here and I have to get to bed. The movers are coming tomorrow. I hate them for doing do.
Sleep well, friends at LS and sleep well, eat well, be comfortable, pampered and be happy little RyddleyPid and all our furries here and gone before us.
Love
B
x

Brigid, I have an idea.

The others might be right and she will be with you wherever you go, but it might be comforting to try to communicate with her. Since animals do not think in words, don't try to talk to her with words. Communicate with feelings and pictures. Inform her with your feelings that you will be leaving this place soon. With your mind's eye, travel to and show her the place you will be moving to. And let her know that you just need to know that she knows where to find you.

Hope this helps.

Brigid,

I know how hard it is.....

Right now, the place where Daphne passed has her fur all over it. God only knows if and when I'll be able to vaccuum....

When we moved from the last house that Saki, Freyja and Electra lived, it was very very hard. But Freyja's remains are at my parents' house and I have Saki & Electra's ashes. Still, it was hard and I thought about it a lot....

And I do believe that Ryd will have absolutely no trouble moving with you, even if you leave the body behind.

You know that feeling of loss where it feels like part of your soul has been ripped out??? Well, I think it HAS. You feel torn up because you ARE torn up.... But Ryd has taken that part of your soul to the bridge.... Does this make sense? So you and Ryd will always be close, no matter how far away you move.

But one thing that has not been mentioned, and I am just going to put it out there. If you hate the idea, please do forgive me for bringing it up. But if you really can't bear the thought of leaving Ryd's remains there, there might be a pet funeral home / crematorium near you that could come and exhume his remains, cremate them, and give you the ashes.

Btw, Ryddley is the most exotic, wonderful looking cat I've ever seen.

Love,
Jennifer

I'm sure Ryddley will find you. Why would she want to be anywhere without her family?

Dear Brigid, (so sorry, I got your name mixed up the first attempt!)
Hi, I've just joined this group and although none of you know anything about me and mine yet, my heart went out to you in your current dilemma and I just wanted to say a few things. I too, had the idea of cremating your beloved to take with you on your move. It's actually what I plan on doing one day, as one of my furkids is buried in our yard, too, but I won't leave him here whenever we move. We had looked into this option when I was deciding what to do after he passed, and at least here (in Canada) there was a crematorium that would do this, no matter how long after the fact.
Same as you, my heart would be devastated having to make a move so soon after...i can't even imagine!! I don't think you're weak at all! Think of it this way: if human family members were buried in our yards, do you think it would be 'odd' if we didn't experience great anxst over such a move? NO...and so with your furchild, why should it be any different? Take heart, their fuzzy, little spirits DO go with you (John Edward used to say the same thing). My beloved boy sent me a message when I was in a different city, grieving for my recently-passed Mother - in fact, they BOTH sent me a message AT THE VERY SAME TIME, but in different modes. Whatever you decide, you will always be joined to each other by your powerful, enduring love for each other. May the angels of both of you help you out at this overwhelming time.

I completely understand how you feel. I have a chance to move to another apartment, a bigger place for the same rent, but I am hesitating because my cat Ashley's grave is here.

I think one thing that would bring comfort would be if you got together some of Ryd's things, his bed, a blanket he used to sleep on, toys, some of his fur, etc. These could be keepsakes and you would have part of him with you in your new home.

Thank you all for your kind words of comfort. I would have replied individually to each of you, but I'm afraid it is MAD here today and I leave in just a few hours. I haven't even packed my clothes yet! My movers came and took my boxes away yesterday and I just died inside; it all became very final and real. And today I was coming back from town and noticed a strand of Ryd's fur in my blouse and just burst into tears. Funny how just the smallest things can completely kill you inside.
Just quickly: I did wonder about creamtion but 1) there was no time now what with me leaving so soon ; 2) I honestly don't think I could exhume her; 3) she is buried in the most beautiful spot in a place where she was always so happy, it would just be selfish of me to dig her up to satisfy my own needs. I now just have to trust that she will come with me or find wherever I am.
Last night I had a farewell drink with my neighbour's, who are -I thought- very nice people. We got on to the subject of my little Ryddley and they both told me that neither of them believe that the spirit lives on after death; 'you die and that's that', they said. I nearly collapsed with grief at the notion and at thier heartlessness and left almost immediately. I don't agree with them, but it did me no good to hear that, especially on my last full night in this house. People are just awful and horrid.
I do have ALL of Ryd's things with me (well, the movers have the box in which everything is.) I have taken literally everything I can, but what I really want to take with me is my little Ryddleygirl, all torty-fur and porky belly. I miss her so bad I just don't know how I can do this.

Anyway, I have to crack on although it is the LAST thing I want to do. Thank you all. I know you all have an enormous amount of your own sadness to cope with but do spare me a thought if you get a chance because when that car comes to collect me tonight I think I will just die inside to say goodbye one last time and turn around. I'm dying even as I write this. I pray so hard that Ryd will find me.
I'll be in touch when I have arrived on the other side of this journey.
Love to you all
B
x

Hi Brigid
I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you having to leave the grave site where your little Ryd is resting. I lost my Cosmo 1 month ago yesterday, and spent time working on his grave marker for his site in our yard, and I have often said that I would rather blow up this house with me in it, than to have to leave. That is just because I LOVE this home. I believe that ALL spirits live on and they can transcend easily through the geography that separates us. They are so fortunate to be living on with no pain, worries, or heartbreak, and they can travel with NO tickets. RYD WILL FIND YOU. No matter where you are or where you go. Just like the grief of losing her cannot be escaped by traveling to another place, the love you have had and still have for her cannot be lost in geographical travel. I feel for you though, because Cosmo's grave site is where I spend time with "him", but I truly know he is where he wants to be at any time- with God in heaven, or traveling to Egypt, or in the house here next to me, whenever I think of him (which is always).
I hope you are able to read this before you go, because I wish you a safe journey, and a great life in your new home. If you believe enough that Ryd is happy where her body rests, and you believe that she'll find you- then IT WILL BE. Faith is just believing. Have faith in Ryd and yourself. Faith will keep you together, just as her death did not take away your life with her or your memories of her.
My advice- Say good-bye to Ryd, tell her you love her and where you'll be going. SHE WILL FOLLOW (when she is not having fun with other furbabies exploring realms we have yet to know about)
Please come back to us here when you get settled and talk to us about what is going on with you, we'll be waiting.
Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle

Thanks Michelle, I did get to read it and your words really did help
I leave in an hour. This sucks. It hurts so bad I almost can't breathe. Tonight the most marvellous bird sang in a tree right by where Ryd is lying, singing beautifully at exactly the time she died. The sun was bursting through the clouds in rays of light. And I was just sobbing my heart out. Were these signs? I don't know. Anyhow, I feel like I'm deserting her all over again and it hurts so much I just wish something would deliver me from this anguish.
Anyway, guys, I'm off. Will write again as soon as I get connected up to the net over there.
In the meantime, my love and thoughts and prayers are with you all and with your furry ones.
Thank you again for your kind words. I don't know if any of you have gone through this, but it's like two lots of grief to have to deal with. I'm dying inside.
Something in me tells me she WILL be with me, though. And this I must believe.
Speak to you from Africa, where I hope a certain torty-pusscat will be hanging around me, enjoying the sunshine. C'mon Ryddley, time for us to go on a trip, my gorgeous girlie.....
Love to you all
B
x

Have a good journey/adventure, wow there are some big cats in Africa, maybe one will adopt you

Love Sue