I had my wonderful Mac for 17 years. He looked like morris but with a cuter face. He was diagnosed with a form of oral cancer the day after Thanksgiving 2004, he fought a valiant battle but I ended up putting him to sleep yesterday, June 18. My husband and I stayed with him and I held him until he stopped breathing and then took him home. He used to be a 9.5 lb cat and at the end weighed less than 3 lbs. It feels like I failed him in some way that I couldn't make his final days better-and I've been in tears pretty much since yesterday. We buried him on the ridge he used to play on under our old apple tree. I just feel like I lost a part of myself and don't know how to make it better. The vet told us when he was diagnosed he probably wouldn't even make it 3 weeks but he fought hard and made it almost 6 months before lsoing the battle. The last 3 weeks he could only eat baby food off my finger and drink a little formula milk-then the last 2 days of his life he couldn't even do that-that's when we decided to have him put to sleep. Why is it so hard to handle when you know way way way deep inside it's what's best for them or you feel it's whats best for them.

Tina

Tina,

I only have a minute, but if you read Jenn's threads and the responses to Angel, you'll know you're not alone. In reading your post it helped me to know that even when it's so clear that the choice for euthanasia was absolutely the best thing for your cat, it still hurts. I keep thinking that maybe my decision was wrong, despite the response from my vet's staff, so maybe this happens no matter how right the decision is.

I honestly don't know if I can ever go through this again, and I have decided that I am going with my dog. I don't think I can survive this level of grief again, and if I didn't have Max to take care of I'm not sure I would make it through this time. I know that sounds extreme, but they are (and I just had to face that Mandy is gone again, so it's just he is) my only family. I honestly don't know how people survive the loss of their spouses, and I understand the statistics now on how they usually only survive a year after the death of a long-term spouse. I've lost my human family members and the grief over my cat is not one bit easier, it's even worse, because of the inability to verbally communicate and the absolute love she gave.

Kathy

Tina,

The decision to help your pet leave this world is a heart-wrenching one. My last dog, Duke, was only 2-and-a-half when I had him put to sleep on June 1st due to an uncontrollable aggression problem. I still feel very guilty about it although I've been told by many (including Duke's vet) that it was the only real option.

From what I've read on this site, most people feel guilty about making the decision to get their pet put to sleep. You did what was best for Mac though. You gave him love throughout his life, did your best to help him with his illness, and made the selfless decision to end his pain. I think that in a way, when you have a pet euthanized, you take its pain upon yourself.

The pain of losing Mac will probably last for a long while and even years from now, you may still cry for him sometimes. But I know from the loss of my second dog, Princess, that eventually you will also look back and smile about Mac. You will remember the good times and the love that you and Mac shared. You will know that you made the best decision for him.

Please know that you did not fail Mac. You loved him and he was lucky to have a person like you. I applaud you for trying to help Mac through his illness and for making such a selfless decision when you knew it was his time. My thoughts are with you.

Tracy

Tina,

I am so so sorry for your loss of Mac.

Your story reminds me of Electra, who died at 15. She also was on a diet of baby food and cat milk and got down to 3 lbs before we helped her on her way.

Of course you feel guilty. He was your dear companion and friend for **17** years!!!! And all of those 17 years, you took care of him, you were responsible for him and so I know you can't help but feel responsible for this, too.

But here's the thing: at this point, he was suffering. And honestly and truly, YOU decided that it was better for YOU to suffer than for him to suffer. i know the pain can feel unbearable... but that is the pain you saved him from. You did the only loving and right thing, and Mac was lucky to have such a brave strong mom.