Hello everybody:

Today I've seen Nickolas in my dream for the first time since he's gone, and it will be two years in a week. Very first time...I had to leave somewhere and tried to secure him at the house, but no matter how much I tried to close all the doors, he would seem to find a way to get ready to leave, and I was trying to catch him back, and close that hole, but then he would find other one, and so on for the entire night...He seemed very serious, not like he was, and he was determined to leave...I woke up very sad, as once again I was not able to hold on to him. All day today I am under influence of this, and I wonder again that I let him down.

I know that you guys are talking about Rainbow bridge, where our beloved are gone, and being there happy. I also aspire to believe I will be able to see him again, as the time comes. However, I am unfortunately a non-religious person, and have this sunking feeling that it is "never". I think I realized that it is not just me be fond of animals; I grew up with cats, dogs, and birds all my life, and I did experience losses and greeve before.

However, I think it is like love in human world, you know many good people and friends, but love only comes very few times. I think I was so lucky to know this complete love and incredible bond with Nicky, and it was love pretty much from the first sight. All that 11 and 1/2 years I took it for granted like air you breath, but when he was gone, that enormous void surrounded me. I am highly functional, but my emotional warm and fuzzy world is gone.

Sorry for selfpity, I decided to share it with you as I think you would understand.

Hi Annette

Guess your dreams telling you its ok to let go know but you don’t really want to.
In all of us I think there is that element of feeling guilty for moving on, - -if I grieve the longest then it proves I loved them the most - -

I find all this very confusing myself you say to yourself you mustn’t bottle it up but you also say you must get over it and move on – surely if your brain is still churning it over then were not ready – or is it that we’ve thought the same thoughts for so long its just like a tape recorder keep replaying.

Sorry im no intellectual but the more I try and still my brain in meditation the more thoughts pop into it.

Good luck with moving on

Love Sue

Annette,

I agree with Sue ... it sounds as if you little was trying to tell you that it is OK to move on. I know what you mean about grieving the longest ... for a long time I felt guilty when I didn't cry as if by crying I was telling the world that I really did love him. Took my awhile to understand that every grieves differently and how you grieve and the length of the grief has nothing to do with how much you loved the one who passed away.

I had a dream about my Snoops a couple weeks after letting him go ... in my dream he was young and healthy and sitting on my lap letting me pet him. I remember looking at the person in my dream (My Mom) and telling her that I didn't understand this putting to sleep thingy since he was right here with me. I take comfort in this dream ... I think this was my baby's way of telling me he was OK and waiting for me. I am not a religious person either but I do believe that when people pass away they are not truely gone and someday when it is my turn they will come for me. But whether you believe in the bridge or not, your little one is not truely gone. He lives on inside you .. in the love you have for each other and the memories that are yours to keep. His physical presence is not there ... but the feelings and experiences you had are very much alive ... hold on to those when you need to be with him.

I am deeply sorry for your loss ... and I wish you brighter days ahead ...

Hugs,
Beth

Annette,

They do visit us. I think most often it is in dreams, but I was very awake when Saki came back to get Electra.

And you don't have to be religious or even spiritual to understand where the bridge is. If you think about physics, if you think about the time-space continuum, you can understand the connections between time and space, and in the eternity of time and space. And Nicholas is no longer "stuck" in time and space the same way you are (and I am, and the rest of are). Perhaps that is what he was telling you in your dream.... He can move (get out) in ways you no longer can. You had to be somewhere else (stuck here), but he has gotten out now. You can chase him down, or try to keep him here all you want, but he is FREE now. You did NOT let him down. But I think he does want you to understand that he is free now.

Love,
Jennifer

Dear Annette:
I had read your post on the day you wrote it....but, I was really trying to think about it.... I couldn't come up with what I thought to be true.
I haven't, as of yet, dreamt of Ernestine, and thinking about all my furbabies that were in my family, I'm not sure if I dreamt of any of them - I really cannot remember.

After reading Jennifer's post, it all makes sense. Your little Nicholas is FREE.... free
to go wherever he wants to go. Nicholas is not being held in by doors, or anything.

Jennifer had great insight on writing about "dreams". I think, too, our furbabies are meant to be with us here on earth, on "loan", if you will, for awhile. We adopt them, but, once our furbabies are with us, I truly believe that, THEY OWN US...
I feel that was the case with Ernestine, and all my other furbabies that have gone on before her..

I'm happy I read all the posts for it will help me a lot when my girl enters my dreams.
I look forward to that.
Have a wonderful day!!

Love, Denise

Dear guys, Sue, Beth, Jennifer, Denise, and everybody on this site, as we have this thing that brings us together:

I really appreciate your thoughts. Thank you Jennifer for insight on non-physical world. I did feel somewhat uncomfortable with idea of "other site", as I thought I could not accept it because I am not religious, and I thought it would be hypocritical. But I think what you've said make much more sence to me. I do believe in spiritual energy, and its transition in forms, I guess. Any way, this becomes too convoluted.

I could not help, but got some tears at work on Friday, because of this three day week-end was the week-end I brought Nick to hospital, and because it was a holiday, I had to put him in not in my regular site, but at ER, and I do think it played its role. And again I did get comments that it is just a dead cat, and two years ago. Well, I got used to that. But I knew that you guys would know what it is, and would understand.

I am really greatful that I could talk to you here. And of course, I do sympathize with your personal stories, and it seems like I almost know your little ones. They are such a joy and gift to us, that even having memories warms us up. And experiensing my sorrow, like you all guys do, I am better, that somebody who never had this feelings and companionship at all.

My best wishes to everybody,
Annette

I am glad if my post made sense to you. I am not a physicist...!!!! But once I read an article by Isaac Asimov that explained the space-time continuum... and every time I read it, I thought "of course!" But I can't explain it very well-- when I try, it DOES become convoluted. If I come across the article again (its in the house, and I come across it now and again), I'll post the title of it. In any case, I really do not believe that you have to be religious to understand the other side.

They never come to me in dreams... I am kinda jealous of those who do get those visits. Saki came about a week or so before Lec passed. She was making Saki noises in the bedroom. Not cries, just bumbling around. Then she jumped up on the bed, I felt the jump, laid down on my legs like she used to. I could feel her weight. But I was awake and it was weirding me out, so I sat up to look for her. Couldn't see her. ... the only sense i can make of it is that she came back to take Lec.

It has been a year and two days since my best friend had to be put to sleep. He was a 13 year old Irish Setter who was never sick a day in his life. Until the Fall 2002 when he fell ill with degenerative myelopathy. Within the three months he could not stand up on his back legs because of the nerve damage. I have been abroad when my parents told me that he might have to be put to sleep. I tried to talk them out of it, saying that they cannot do it unless Lun really wants it. That night, as they were discussing the euthanasia, Lun, with great difficulty, tried to stand up using his back legs and try to walk. Everyone fell silent because they have realized that dog was trying to tell them something. That was Jan 25, 2003.So, they informed me that they gave him some more time. Lun has been my dog since I was 11. He was my first one as well, my partner in (various) crimes. The most intelligent, cunning and slapstic happy Setter I have ever seen. We were always together all the time; while I was studying, he used to stare at me for hours. I often wondered what he was thinking. He was my soulmate.
Now, this is the reason I am telling you this. As I was leaving for the USA, this little voice inside my head told me that I will never see him again. So I kissed him and whispered in his ear that I loved him more than anything and that whatever happens, that he should come back to me. I do not believe in heaven or hell; or anything religious for that matter. I just wanted to be with my dog.
On Feb 23, 2003, Sunday, I had this weird dream. I dreamt that i was walking with my sister and Lun at this huge park/forest where we always went to run. As we were leaving and approaching the busy street, Lun suddenly slipped out of the leash and started running around me and ahead of me. My sister freaked out. She was telling me to try to get him, to catch him . Lun was ahead of me, standing in the middle of the street. The weirdest thing happened, which I shall remember for the rest of my life. Deadpan, I told my sister:" do not worry, he is dead. Let him go, he cannot get hurt now."
When I woke up, I made some coffee and i was checking my e-mail. i saw a couple of emails from my sister which had some early pictures of Lun, saying that we should definitely start developing that web site that we wanted to make about him. Then the phone rang. It was my sister. After some small talk , she told me she had to tell me something. I already knew. They put him down around 12 P.M ( it was 5 a.m. chicago time) - right around when i had my dream. It was like he came to tell me in person.
Even after a year the pain is not going away. What is made worse is that i still have not been home. Lun was burried in unmarked grave because they are waiting for me. Since he died i dreamt of him a couple of times. once a day before his 14th b-day, with his hind legs all whithered up, and him very thin. he also had a red dye all over his back legs.
I do not want to &%^yse these dreams too much, i just take them as they come. usually it is us walking together, but he is always ahead of me, unleashed and kind of dissasociated from everything. I go to sleep every night hoping to have another dream of him.

Jelena,

Do not worry, he is dead. Let him go, he cannot get hurt now...

That is the advice you have given to yourself -- try to remember it.

I am so sorry for your loss, but am glad you enjoy many of your dreams of Lun. Some of them sound quite nightmarish... Tim had a lot of nightmares about Freyja after we put her down; I think it was a way of dealing with the guilt.

It has been a year -- this really is not that long. I've read that you can expect a month of grieving for every year you spent with your furbaby. That's a rule of thumb, and very general of course. But I do not think you are in any way weird, or even atypical for continuing to grieve.

One thing I would recommend, one thing that has helped many of us out here, is to make memorials to Lun. you said you had not been back home -- is that on purpose or on accident? If you are pruposely avoiding seeing his grave, I think (just my opinion) you should stop. Visit his grave, get a marker, talk to him, a lot of people put up garden areas of various sorts. If you CAN'T get home, maybe you can do some of those things wherever you are. Get a marker. Build a little memorial garden in a spot that you think he would like... You could also make a photo album with his pictures, or a collage, or a calendar. These ideas may seem like little things, petty things, or unimportant things, but it has helped many of us, including me, get through the rough spots. Even though I had lost people, until I lost my pets, I never realized how important these kinds of memorials and markers and etc. are.

I hope you have a wonderful dream of Lun tonight.

Love,
Jennifer

Nikolay Peck, best friend, 08/1990 - 02/2002

Hi guys:

It has been 2 years since Nick is gone. I did, too, subconcsiously avoided his grave. He is burried at a pet cemetery. It is pretty nice place if you could say possibly such thing of a cemetery. It was a first really sunny and warm day, like breath of spring already. Probably they did not started to take care of the lot after winter yet, so it was a lot of leaves and residue all over. I brought garden tools, and cleaned his place, then I felt uneasy about all the places around, and ended up raking the entire surrounding area, and straightening other plots. It took me almost entire day. But it was very peaceful, and beatiful. As I was doing that, I was thinking of Nick, my chabby white silly old boy. I was sad, that he is gone, and I was greateful that I knew him. This is first time I started to feel greateful, as before it was only sadness and sorrow, and I still could not look at his pictures, as I only cry. The other thing about pet cemeteries, you meet there people in similar situation, and you could talk to them. It is amazing, how many people come here, and how many people grieve their loved ones, and cry. I feel a part of this crowd that I could relate to.

Anyway, my deepest sympathy to you about your loss, and my best wishes in your own process of dealing with your grief, and remembering the happy moments and joy you have with your guys, and letting go the sorrow.

Nick, Nikolasha, my little piggy kiddie, and silly boy, I love you, and thank you.