Rest in peace, my beautiful friend
For one day we will meet again
Where shooting stars fall so we may touch
And noses are wet and kisses are much
Where the sun never sets and rainbows are bright
No fear of the dark, for it is always light
You’re now free of sickness, sadness and strife
You have everything that I couldn’t give you in life
I will see you again and forever more
Into the Heaven’s you and I will soar
Until then, run and play
Find happy things to fill your days
Don’t worry about me, I will get by
Although sometimes you might hear me cry
For my tears can reach a million miles
But memories of you always brings a smile
So rest in Peace, Freeway, my friend
For one day we will meet again.
Full Version: We Will Meet Again
What a beautiful poem, i'm sure Freeway is looking down from above knowing how much you love him.
Janet.
Janet.
Thank you Janet.. I sure hope he knows how loved he was and will always be... We are missing him more and more each day, each moment feels like a lifetime.
Janet, I just want you to know that you're not alone and that it helps others, such as me, to know that other people feel this awful grief. I posted in reply to Angel's post. I can't bear the pain I'm feeling right now. I wish I had waited and tried harder to pull Mandy through for a little more time. All I can see is that last affectionate head nuzzle, followed by the look of shock as the anesthetic hit. I think she thought I was helping her feel better by bringing her to the vet's. I miss her so much I can't stand it. It's so much worse than I could have imagined. Is there anything that helps this? Yesterday I kept busy with my dog for as long as I could and didn't come home 'til after nine. As soon as I opened the door it started up and I can't seem to get a grip on things. For a brief time I tried to console myself that it was better that she went a little too early than a little too late and suffered more, but then I started to think that I could have at least tried and then put her down if she looked like she was in pain. I'm very influenced by other people when I take my migraine meds and the vet was really pushing for euthanasia, while saying it was my decision there was a clear underlying feeling that it would be for selfish reasons if I tried to keep her going and that Mandy would end up emaciated and in pain in the end. She didn't know Mandy and how much she would have tried to please me by eating and pulling out of it. That's how she made it to 20. Oh, God, I'm sorry for running on. I try to be objective but just like you, there is this enormous emptiness where she should be. I know how old 20 is for a cat and I thought I was prepared and it's so much more awful than I could have imagined. I just wanted her to be comfortable. I hate vets right now. They don't know how much pets really want to stay with their owners and how much greater the bond is than anatomy and physiology--and I'm a nurse.
Kathy--Mandy's Mom
Kathy--Mandy's Mom
Kathy,
I know how you feel. You asked if there was anything that helps, the only thing i can say is Time. For some people it takes only a little while, and for others it takes a lifetime. But i promise it will get better. After saying all that i have to say that it's only been 12 days since i lost Brandy and 11 days since i lost Furball, so it still hurts really bad. Two weeks ago today is when we brought Brandy home from the vets. And she was doing so good. She was walking around and eating, i just can't believe how fast she got sick again. I feel so guilty for not taking her to the vets a day earlier, even though they said it wouldn't have made any difference, how do they know that. Why did i have Furball put to sleep so soon. Even though she had a broken pelvis maybe they could have fixed it. She still had feeling in one leg, why did i rush to put her to sleep and only assumed it could not be fixed. You said that your vet was pushing for euthanasia, mine too, why do they do that? Why don't they give that only as a very last resort. When i read your letter where you said before you left her she gave you a last affectionate head nuzzle, maybe she knew it was time and she wanted to say goodbye to you. I don't think where ever prepared, even if they lived forever. But you had 20 wonderful years with Mandy. Because there such a part of our family, when there gone they leave such an emptiness. Today my husband mentioned getting another Australian Shepherd puppy, and i told him no way. I'm still grieving for Brandy.
The last few days i've been finding tennis balls all over the yard. When Brandy was younger she used to chase them in the back yard, but as she got older she couldn't do it any more. But they just keep showing up, i found one in the front yard today. I'm just wondering if it's Brandy's way of telling me she's doing fine.
Please don't appologise for running on. Feel free to talk about anything, i love hearing about Mandy.
Until we see them again, sweet dreams Mandy, Brandy and Furball.
Janet.
I know how you feel. You asked if there was anything that helps, the only thing i can say is Time. For some people it takes only a little while, and for others it takes a lifetime. But i promise it will get better. After saying all that i have to say that it's only been 12 days since i lost Brandy and 11 days since i lost Furball, so it still hurts really bad. Two weeks ago today is when we brought Brandy home from the vets. And she was doing so good. She was walking around and eating, i just can't believe how fast she got sick again. I feel so guilty for not taking her to the vets a day earlier, even though they said it wouldn't have made any difference, how do they know that. Why did i have Furball put to sleep so soon. Even though she had a broken pelvis maybe they could have fixed it. She still had feeling in one leg, why did i rush to put her to sleep and only assumed it could not be fixed. You said that your vet was pushing for euthanasia, mine too, why do they do that? Why don't they give that only as a very last resort. When i read your letter where you said before you left her she gave you a last affectionate head nuzzle, maybe she knew it was time and she wanted to say goodbye to you. I don't think where ever prepared, even if they lived forever. But you had 20 wonderful years with Mandy. Because there such a part of our family, when there gone they leave such an emptiness. Today my husband mentioned getting another Australian Shepherd puppy, and i told him no way. I'm still grieving for Brandy.
The last few days i've been finding tennis balls all over the yard. When Brandy was younger she used to chase them in the back yard, but as she got older she couldn't do it any more. But they just keep showing up, i found one in the front yard today. I'm just wondering if it's Brandy's way of telling me she's doing fine.
Please don't appologise for running on. Feel free to talk about anything, i love hearing about Mandy.
Until we see them again, sweet dreams Mandy, Brandy and Furball.
Janet.
Janet, thank you for your sensitive reply. I only have a few minutes right now as Max, my dog, needs to go out, but I wanted to let you know how much I appreciated your response.
I called a male friend of mine I hadn't spoken with for months last night, as he had gone for counselling for months after witnessing his cat being attacked by a pit bull. He told me to keep enormously busy, physically tire myself out, and not allow myself to think about it. He even repeated something that I had told him and he said "someone" had said to him that he was not God and there was no way to know everything to act perfectly.
I went out last night to keep busy and it was a help to stop ruminating, although I told several people about it. I saw my ex-bf, whom I hadn't seen for almost two years and it was comforting to hear him say how much I had loved her and there was no way I would have made a decision that wasn't meant for her best interest.
I realized this morning that allowing myself this much pain is in some way an attempt to let her know how much I loved her but it doesn't do anything for her. It's almost like it keeps her alive in some way, that it blocks out the reality that she's not here. Maybe it functions as some sort of transition state until we are able to intergrate the new reality of a world without this special person. The constant "if I only did this, and if I hadn't done that in the few days before she got so bad" almost rolls back time, it takes us back to a point before the event that we can't handle, so it might not just be a sense of guilt. I don't know.
A fractured pelvis is pretty painful, and even in humans, who are able to participate in structured rehab due to their understanding of the verbal instructions, it can be close to impossible to regain function. A triathlete acquaintance of mine was told he would never walk again (hit-and-run while bicycling in "beautiful" San Diego--H&R's almost qualify as a sport here) after this. He still has a limp, but he did make it back up. For a cat, this would be very debiliatating, and she may have lost bowel and bladder control as well. It really sounds like you made the right decision. I think on some level I know that I made the right decision for Mandy, I just wasn't ready and would have been better off with a few days to come to terms with it. I'm going to call my vet and let them know that it would be helpful to let people take a little time if the animal isn't in abject pain, just so they will know they didn't make the decision out of panic, but because they were convinced this was the best way to go for their pet. I tend to get frenzied when a pet is sick or hurt and am not able to assess objectively--and I tend to have extremely good clinical assessment skills with humans. I fall to pieces over my pets, and I think a lot of persons are like this. The vets need to realize this.
I was also thinking this morning that they see a lot of healthy young animals, so when they see a fragile-looking older animal, the contrast in itself makes the animal look sick, when it's really just elderly. They didn't do any lab work on my cat, just assumed she was in renal failure from her last labs. This particular vet group doesn't like to see people going broke on massive intervention, which usually doesn't do much for the pet but bankrupts the owners, and I agree with their philosophy to some extent, but there are times when you will do anything, as long as your pet won't suffer, and this was that time for me and I blew it by not insisting on it. On some level, I did know that at 20, the likelihood of a rapid deterioration with suffering was a strong possibility, but then reading of healthy 26-year-old cats on the net, I felt I acted too quickly.
I'd better get Max out, he's been very patient, and I don't want to add more guilt. I have as much as I can bear, if not more, right now....
Kathy
I called a male friend of mine I hadn't spoken with for months last night, as he had gone for counselling for months after witnessing his cat being attacked by a pit bull. He told me to keep enormously busy, physically tire myself out, and not allow myself to think about it. He even repeated something that I had told him and he said "someone" had said to him that he was not God and there was no way to know everything to act perfectly.
I went out last night to keep busy and it was a help to stop ruminating, although I told several people about it. I saw my ex-bf, whom I hadn't seen for almost two years and it was comforting to hear him say how much I had loved her and there was no way I would have made a decision that wasn't meant for her best interest.
I realized this morning that allowing myself this much pain is in some way an attempt to let her know how much I loved her but it doesn't do anything for her. It's almost like it keeps her alive in some way, that it blocks out the reality that she's not here. Maybe it functions as some sort of transition state until we are able to intergrate the new reality of a world without this special person. The constant "if I only did this, and if I hadn't done that in the few days before she got so bad" almost rolls back time, it takes us back to a point before the event that we can't handle, so it might not just be a sense of guilt. I don't know.
A fractured pelvis is pretty painful, and even in humans, who are able to participate in structured rehab due to their understanding of the verbal instructions, it can be close to impossible to regain function. A triathlete acquaintance of mine was told he would never walk again (hit-and-run while bicycling in "beautiful" San Diego--H&R's almost qualify as a sport here) after this. He still has a limp, but he did make it back up. For a cat, this would be very debiliatating, and she may have lost bowel and bladder control as well. It really sounds like you made the right decision. I think on some level I know that I made the right decision for Mandy, I just wasn't ready and would have been better off with a few days to come to terms with it. I'm going to call my vet and let them know that it would be helpful to let people take a little time if the animal isn't in abject pain, just so they will know they didn't make the decision out of panic, but because they were convinced this was the best way to go for their pet. I tend to get frenzied when a pet is sick or hurt and am not able to assess objectively--and I tend to have extremely good clinical assessment skills with humans. I fall to pieces over my pets, and I think a lot of persons are like this. The vets need to realize this.
I was also thinking this morning that they see a lot of healthy young animals, so when they see a fragile-looking older animal, the contrast in itself makes the animal look sick, when it's really just elderly. They didn't do any lab work on my cat, just assumed she was in renal failure from her last labs. This particular vet group doesn't like to see people going broke on massive intervention, which usually doesn't do much for the pet but bankrupts the owners, and I agree with their philosophy to some extent, but there are times when you will do anything, as long as your pet won't suffer, and this was that time for me and I blew it by not insisting on it. On some level, I did know that at 20, the likelihood of a rapid deterioration with suffering was a strong possibility, but then reading of healthy 26-year-old cats on the net, I felt I acted too quickly.
I'd better get Max out, he's been very patient, and I don't want to add more guilt. I have as much as I can bear, if not more, right now....
Kathy
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